JT159 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hi, Prep for long story, I'm detailed: My ex (F/26) of 6 years and I (M/31) broke up 2 months ago. First several year relationship for both of us (been in them before but only lasted months not years). She took time away to travel for 4 months. She's not the cheater type, I believe she was faithful 100% and I can overthink at times so for me to say that I truly believe it. The alone time forced her to think a lot and distance hurt us. We lived together for a year. Half way through the trip she calls and said she loves me but doesn't love me romantically, our goals are different and hopes we can be friends. Then tells me she doesn't know what she wants, confused, and she needs space. She doesn't want a relationship and she even pushes guys away who try to flirt. The pressure of caring for someone else is overwhelming (even parents who she's been taking care of her whole life) and she wants to focus on her and go back to school. She wants to move out of the state she grew up in (3-4 months from now), live on her own and she thinks differently now. But my name is not mentioned in coming along. She doesn't say "I don't want you in my future" because she truly doesn't know and says maybe but we have to see, she doesn't want me waiting or getting my hopes up for it but if it works out in the future then ok. 2 weeks ago she came home. I try to show some positive signs and see if being in person would change things. But I also unconsciously tried to convince or "sell" the relationship back to her and my feelings at times. We have fun and she texts me daily and visits every 2-3 days but then at times says I don't want to lead you on, I want to respect your time to heal if us seeing each other bothers you. She slowly starts moving things out but leaves some clothes/furniture behind. The hugs are not as passionate as they were when she came back. She said she got slightly jealous when a good looking girl added me on facebook and once I mentioned I did things because I "loved" her and the past tense of love made her respond like "oh..." so I corrected it. Sometimes she says, "we" should get a new (item) other times it's "you" should do what you want for your (item). She sometimes spends the night in the same bed but nothing happens and she doesn't make any advances or hints even when I simply try to hold her or rub her arm to see if there is any response not necessarily sexually but even cuddling etc so I respect her space. I slipped and said I love you once and she said it back but not sure if she's just being nice and helping me move through this because she knows I'm upset. When she stays I will sometimes kiss her on the cheek before leaving but nothing in return, just lets me do it. Mixed signals. I'm sure she still loves me, but she's so lost and confused and needs space to figure it out. Maybe even getting outside influences. I don't want to dip into the friend zone. If she moves away I'm done for. Everyone says to cut her off, it helps me heal and gives her to chance to experience life without me (although I don't like the manipulation tactic). I tried to ignore her once and she got mad because she wanted to do something for my birthday and that's not who I am. Is NC necessary or am I being impatient and should wait longer? Other's say recreate spark and be there for her but I also know the longer I wait the further I could be pushed into a friend zone. Thoughts/Advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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