I guess I did the WRONG thing

[tarheelfan]

I see where a lot of people told the person that left them NOT to call write etc. Well... perhaps I did the worst thing possible. GOD I hate second guessing myself. We haven't spoken in 2 weeks... so me being the sap that I am... I called and left a VERY nice, non-emotional message that said "Thanks so much for being a part of my life and for all you did for me. I hope we can someday be friends... blah blah... and then I ended it by saying.... if you EVER need anything I am here for and all you have to do is call."

 

Stupid?

[cmc43]

would have to say yes. You cannot make someone love you, It's give and take. If someone cares they will find a way to be with you. If you don't have respect from someone....Does anything else really matter?

[sweet_n_sexy]

NO I DO NOT THINK U WERE WRONG CUZZZ WEN I GO THROUGH A BRAKE UP I NEED TO STILL TALK TO THEM AND MAYBE SHE WILL TAKE U BACK I THINK U DID GOOD THATS KEWL CUZZZ EVEN IF U BRAKE UP U ALWAYS STILL HAVE FEELINGS 4 THE OTHER IF U SAY U DONT THEN UR LYING TO YOURSELF

[tarheelfan]

Thanks so much to you BOTH for your answers. I DID need to do that for myself... and I need her to know I care. I never used the word love or got teary.

 

I am still at that stage where I need to hear what I WANT to hear... but I DO thank you both.

 

What a trip.

[sweet_n_sexy]

WELCOME GOOD LUCK

[Day_Walker]

Well first of all it makes you come off needy and it seems that you want her back. If you intention is to honestly be friends with her and not try and get back with her then I would say that its salvagable.

[sweet_n_sexy]

YEHHH I GUESS HES RIGHT HE HE HE BUT U STILL GOT A SHOT WITH HER

[Royltnxile]

I think you did the right thing by leaving that message. I've been going through the same situation. Nothing really bad happened after she pushed me away, nor did I beg, plead, grovel...etc...etc...for her to change her mind. We had a few phone chats about light stuff. I did "no contact" for a month, she has tried me a couple times on my phones but left no messages. A week ago I sent her a card/note displaying some things I felt and letting her know that I care, and that I understand she has issues. It wasnt anything discussing her return, or even a request to call me. I like the idea of her having that note to refer to when she thinks about me. No contact is a great tactic, but I believe you still have to occasionally remind them that you are there. You dont want to run the risk of letting them think "well, he's not calling me, so he must never have cared...etc.". I know, that sounds stupid because afterall, SHE dumped you. However, you have to put yourself in their position. It is usually very hard to call or contact someone you have dumped.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. Move ahead and keep your distance for now though. You never know what the future holds.

[heloladies21]

Don't beat yourself up over the message, but No Contact needs to start as soon as possible. And that means for real this time, no calls, no emails, no text msgs, nothing. You don't need to remind her about anything because she has a whole relationship of memories to remind her. You being in the background ready to take her back when she is ready will give her the impression that it's OK for her to treat you like this and she will actively persue other men in the mean time and then drop you after she finds someone else. Let it sit and see if she chases you. If she does then you can decide at that point if you still want her. If not, then congrats, you got rid of someone who never really cared about you anyway.

 

And don't ever become her friend. You'll just be hurting yourself from all the feelings you're holding back.

[Tryingtobestrong]

No, not stupid at all if you care about her and want to end things on a good note.

 

If she cares about you, then she will think that you are not mad at her, and if she one day thinks about you, she will feel free to contact you.

 

An ex of mine, who I had to break up with, left me a message similar to that. I did not contact him for a while, but because of his message I felt free to send him a card for his birthday.

 

He replied and we have been in friendly, irregular contact since.

 

I think she might see this message as you saying goodbye and letting her go. If you stick to this and do not contact her again, then I think this will only make you look good in her eyes.

 

Good luck with everything and welcome to this ride called healing.

[GoWithTheFlow2005]

You wanted to call her, so you did..........just because you may not have received the reaction you wanted, doesn't mean that she didn't react inside in a good way. You just may not have seen it. Just think about what reaction you A: Are looking for, B: Decide if it's likely to happen, C: Write down the possible reactions, D: Analyze all the data, E: Then make or DON'T make the call, F: Be willing to accept your decision and the outcome.......