amortentia Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 So I had been dating this guy since 1/14/16, and from the beginning I let it be known that trust is the most important thing to me, and that I don't trust easily. A few months in he lied about going to the bar with his ex and them playing Magic the Gathering (he said him and his friend were going to the bar and were going to play some MtG, well when I asked that night if he had fun and if he won, he said that he won two games and that "he" won one), well a few weeks later he got caught in that lie. So that made it to where I didn't trust him all that much. Fast forward a couple more months when we started spending time with eachother more often, I noticed that he would angle his phone away from me when on it, and when he would show me something on his phone he wouldn't let me hold it for more than a second before snatching it out of my hand. He snatched his phone out of my hand quickly many times. I did get suspicious, and I did wrongfully go through his phone one night while he was sleeping. All his pictures saved were pornographic, and a fetish of his really bothered me for a bit. I also found texts from a different ex girlfiend of his that he said has only ever been a friend. Her texts were kind of flirty, and she would get upset that he didn't text back right away or answer her calls when she called. Come to find out a few days later it was an ex. I was super upset, but didn't say anything for a few days, but I did come clean, and told him what I did and I apologized, but that I didn't think this was going to work out for me. We talked and worked things out a few days later. I also found his profile on a fetish website a few months in, not a big deal, but I checked it again a few weeks after and he updated it, not putting in a relationship, just added something else he was into, and deleted what he found out he wasn't and left it open to saying he was still searching for women that are into his fetishes. I was hurt and upset. He also spent a few days talking and ing about his ex a couple months in, and even got his friend in on it while we were all hanging out. Having his friend compare us and rate us. I was so mad that night. I never did snoop through his phone again. Things went okay for few months, yeah we had some ups and downs, but we got through them. Well last week, my phone was dead and in the charger, and his was right next to me, so i grabbed it to google something to show him, and he snatched it so quickly and rudely out of my hand, and said "What are you looking for?". I said nothing, nevermind, and just went and laid down in the room. I was upset, and crying. I don't trust him, he made me feel like he was hiding things. So i broke up with him and left the next morning. He tried talking to me, saying I should trust him, and that he would never do anything to hurt me. I just said I can't, that without trust there is no reason to continue. I accidently called him yesterday, hung up and sent a text saying I didn't mean to call him, and that I was sorry. Deleted his contact info so it wouldn't happen again. Oh and he also has snapchat, kik, and other social apps that he wouldn't add me on. I was only on his Facebook and only because we were friends first, and had a few mutual friends. I even brought it up once, but he changed the subject and I let it go. I am hurting, and I do miss him, but I just don't trust him. Friends have said that maybe I am being paranoid, or because I was cheated on before that I am just a suspicious person. They don't know all the lies about exes, and the rambling on about them. Now they put it in my head that maybe I am just reading more into things than I should, and I am so confused now. I don't know what to do. Link to comment
MsTeddie Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Trust yourself , you saw what's in his phone , and he lied to you . I don't think there's point of getting back with someone who constantly lie . Imagine both of you are married , and he still contacts his ex gf , or telling you he's busy at work but actually hooking up with another girl outside . Are you sure you want your relationship like this ? Just let go of him . Those who cheat will not stop cheating . Link to comment
amortentia Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 That's very true, and I keep telling myself that, but I am still struggling. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Welcome to ENA. I think you should trust your gut and it is good you cut him loose. As a former member on here used to say, No Trust = No Relationship. If you don't trust him, then you just can't be together. It's good you realized this now before things got even more serious. Hang in there. Link to comment
amortentia Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 Yeah, I also don't want to go through driving myself nuts and giving myself panic attacks over wondering and what not. I am just having a hard time. Don't know what to do with myself, and I am lonely. Don't have many friends in my area, so I am just lonely and over thinking. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 go to meetup.com and look for groups that match your interests. Sign up for some classes at the gym. Hopefully you can meet some new friends. Also, look into volunteer opportunities. Link to comment
amortentia Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 Those are some good ideas. Now just to bring myself to do them. I've got general anxiety disorder, so it makes things a little difficult for me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 I do too. I've found that medication has been really helpful for me. If you haven't talked to your doctor, consider doing so. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 He is a liar and cheat. Good that you deleted the contact info. Did you block him? You left out the info to your friends because you knew what they would say: dump him! Be done with this. He will never change. If you choose to go back, you will be the only one to blame, as he has shown you that he cannot be trusted, Get involved with Meetups, volunteering, classes, clubs, whatever to keep yourself busy. Link to comment
TulipTrees Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Your intuition is telling you something... This guy isn't trustworthy... Lots of his behavior is shady and shows he is hiding something from you... And if he is into fetishes and you are not then it just won't work.. he'll be looking for people to engage in that fetish with him and likely will cheat to get it... which is why he hides his Snapchat etc from you. Nobody really guards their phone from a partner unless they are hiding something. Time to let him go and find a guy who is open and honest with you and not chasing some fetish. Link to comment
amortentia Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 annie24- My doctor has prescribed many different meds, and even a combo of 3 at times. Unfortunately the side effects were always worse than the anxiety and panic attacks. I have also seen a therapist. I just need to push myself out there to meet new people. Hollyj- I only blocked him on facebook. I forgot about being able to do so on phones. I will do that if he contacts me again. I more left out that info from friends because I didn't want them to think I was an idiot and because I love him. You are right though, they would have said to dump him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 OP, this guy is really bad for your health. Good luck. Link to comment
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