How to get her back

[goals2017]

Okay, so i have been dating with this girl for around 9 months now and even though we had ups and downs we still managed to love each other so much and get along so well. I accept it that i am the root of all the problems in this relationship, sometimes i would say to her that i have to go out with friends instead of her or sometimes i made mistakes like saying i didnt like her birthday gift for me. But everytime this things happened and believe me it happened a lot she forgive me because she loved me so much and i loved her so much. I tried to improve myself for her and i did. The big problem started when she had to go to usa this summer for a work&travel program. A day before her flight she was feeling so sad leaving me and not being with me here during summer, and told me how much she loved me and how much she enjoys that her first relationship with her ex failed because she now has me. She went into usa, we talked really good for like a month or so, but then i made a big mistake. She has always wanted for both our families to know about our relationship but i just wasnt ready. And when i failed an exam, i told her that if things dont go as planned with my university i will not be ready to tell my family about you for another year. She went mad and sad and everything. Then her birthday came, i tried to wake up early to congratulate her but this whole 6 hour difference in time made it qorse and she complained about not congratulating her early. Then all the things went downhill and she started saying i need a 2 month break then after i come back home we will go out and discuss. I tried to say to her that this is not a good idea, but she wouldnt listen. She broke up with me, saying never gave me the attention i needed, i know you love me a lot, but you are not showing it and i just cant take it. She was also sick for a few days where she had a surgery and i talked her but now she is not even replying. She is just ignoring me, and i really cant take it. I have said sorry so many times i just want another chance because i am physiclaly and emotionally destroyed. I cant eat, i only vomit, i cant learn. I am done with all the good things in this life. Please guys, do you have any advice on how to get her back? Thank you so much for your time

[MissCanuck]

Why couldn't you tell your family about her? How old are you both?

 

It's awful when you feel like you are being kept a secret, and it sounds like she therefore felt rejected by you and she just had enough. As for the other problems, how often did she want to see you? It's not wrong to also socialize with your friends, but it depends on how frequently you were seeing them instead of her.

 

At the moment, you need to give her the space she requested. She doesn't want to talk about it right now, and pushing for her to do so won't help. Leave her be. See what happens when she returns. Is there any chance she's met someone else on her trip?

[Elavohra]

Come on dude, why can't you tell about her to your family. You love her and you don't even want to lose her. What are you trying to do?! See, if you're really sorry then, try hard to reconcile the things . You need to win her heart again. Decide whether you really want her or not. And if not, then leave her alone.

[goals2017]

You wont believe this but i am 21 and she is 20. I know i am old enough but my mom keeps telling me dont you dare find a girlfriend right now, stick with university etc. and i felt like if i told my family right now they would reject and judge her. And i felt bad for her. The problem of me and her was that i was studying abroad and i met her once a week and my friends once a week too. She is the most loyal person i have ever met, there is no point on her cheating on me, she loved me a lot and i know that because i felt her love and she felt mine

[goals2017]

Its very hard in my family trying to speak about these things even though i am 21. Its just the way i was grown up. And of course i love her, i mean right now nothing can make me happier than a " i love you " from her. Its really hard cos it happened quick too. One week ago we were discussing about plans next year, now i cant even get a hi from her.

[MissCanuck]

That's why this very quick turnaround makes me wonder if someone in the US has caught her interest. That's not to say she has cheated on you, but it's often the case when one party cuts it off suddenly that there's another person on their mind. It doesn't matter if there's a "point" or not - people become attracted and curious, and this is even more of a risk if they feel neglected or rejected by their partner.

 

Anyway, that's all speculation. If she's not even replying to you, there's nothing you can really do right now. The bottom line is that now is not the time to push for more answers.

 

And at your age, you need to start learning to stand up to your parents. You're an adult. Women are turned off when their boyfriends cannot or will not take a respectful stand against a controlling parent.

[goals2017]

She told me days earlier dont try writing to me cos i wont even reply. Then two days ago, i wrote to her and she replied in a cold way and we talked for like 10 minutes. Yesterday, tho she didnt reply to me.Now, i know that i should listen to her and not bother her but i have a feeling that if i dont get insist she will think that i dont care anymore and leave me for good. To be honest, i have little hopes cos every time we argued the next day we went out on a date and we solved everything. Now when she comes home and goes out one final time with me maybe things can get better. I mean, its not that easy spending so many months with a guy and not care about a break up. Also, i am thinking to buy her an album with our photos.

[MissCanuck]

The problem with your line of thinking is that by the time we (women) actually break it off with a guy, we're usually already quite emotionally checked out and wanting to move on. Yes, I know she said she wanted to make plans with you when she returned but her subsequent actions indicate otherwise.

 

Stop insisting. Trust me, it's annoying and will paint you in a bad light. Same for the album idea. Now is really not the right time for it. She waited your entire relationship to feel recognized so doing so now that she has ended it will seem insincere and contrived. Just don't.

 

If you really want a chance, give her space. She is evidently already very irritated. Don't continue to ignore her request that you back off. Show her you actually respect her and yourself by stepping away. She won't forget about you, she knows where you are and how to contact you if she wants to talk.

[goals2017]

She is now saying that we are over and nothing can fix it, and she keeps saying that every thing i will do from now will be worthless. I dont know, i think this is the end of our relationship