Probably hurt his ego... What should I do now?

[sil]

Hi all,

 

I am new here and would like some advice or comfort regarding my situation, I will try to keep it short.

 

First of all, a bit of background…

I started dating a guy about 2 years and a half ago, things progressed to a relationship before he decided to backtrack, about a year ago. I suspect there are some commitment issues on his end, and it happened at a particularly bad time in my life, so things deteriorated between us quite a bit, but we still somehow kept in touch. In the past few months, we had gotten closer again, but for reasons he never wished to explain, he’s refused to have a relationship with me again. I don’t feel like we were FWBs because in many ways we were much more than that, but still he kept blowing hot and cold, which has been a constant source of frustration for me.

 

I decided to stick around because, in addition to having strong feelings for him, I also have a lot going on in my life right now so I thought I’d just go with the flow. But somehow this «non-relationship» has kept hurting me over the past weeks, and I have felt on an emotional rollercoaster. I have tried many times to call it quits, but never managed to do it, in part due to the fact that he never let me go whenever I tried (and I should be more firm, I know, but…) and said he still had feelings for me anyway.

 

Anyway, other recent events caused extra stress in my life and I figured I should find the strength to end things and move on. I felt hurt and desperate, and as a way to put distance between me and him, I told him that I had started dating someone else, which wasn’t true. Yes, I know, it was stupid and immature, but at the time I had the feeling that it would be the only way he would actually leave me alone and give me the space I needed. Besides, since he had been refusing to have a relationship with me, I figured I had the right to date other guys - true or not.

 

Well, a few days passed and I sorted myself out and started feeling bad for being a liar (that’s just not the kind of person I am), so I told him it wasn’t true, and kinda laughed it off. However ever since he has been giving me the cold shoulder. He doesn’t ignore me, but clearly is barely friendly with me and will not initiate contact anymore.

 

I do understand the fact he did not like the lie (and probably the idea I was dating someone else), so I waited for a few more days and apologized for my attitude. I have sent a few messages now and then (without being smothering though), and a brief email to explain to him why I lied and to tell him how I felt bad about it, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference to him.

 

I know that I acted badly, even though he’s also hurt me a lot, so I am not necessarily surprised at his reaction. I am just wondering how I should proceed? Right now I am tempted to just stop messaging him for a while, but I fear he will never forgive me.

 

Thanks for your advice.

[Carus]

Don't beat yourself up too bad about saying you had a rebound..or that you haven't been strong enough to end it for good.

 

Unrequited love makes us do crazy stuff*

 

Sadly though I don't see you ever having a positive, happy and healthy RS with this guy.

 

The pain of grieving a loss is extremely horrible (I'm going through it now!), and we hang onto bad situations in an effort to avoid it... but go through it you must.

 

The good news is it doesn't last forever and can be quite empowering when you get to the point of starting to overcome it.

 

Sending you strength Sil*

Caris*