Girlfriend not ready for relationship ? She hasn't get over her Ex.

[jay228]

Hey everyone, I met this girl 6 months ago in a camp. We had a lot to talk about and we liked each other. I ended up confessing to her but she rejected me because she said she like another guy that goes to the same school with her and want to be loyal. We live about an hour away and we are both 17, cant drive yet which makes meeting up a hard thing. Anyways, she got together with that guy after a while but me and her remained friends. We still text often. Her boyfriend was super abusive and doesn't treat her well. He would call her , doesn't respect her and often mistreat her. Since I am close to her, she would often talk to me about it. I would often comfort and tell her she deserve better. They eventually broke up around March this year.

 

She often gave me mixed feelings. She would sometimes hint that she likes me and sometimes you would push me away. After two months they broke up, there was this party. They both went to the party and she tried to make things right with her ex but he call her a in front of her friends, humiliate her and pushed her away. That night she texted me about this. At that moment I was kinda fed up with how the ex treat her like that and all the mixed feelings she is giving to me. I wrote a long ass essay to her confessing my love again. Basically I asked her if she liked me because of all the mixed feelings she been sending off. I went all out, I said that she is the first person I thought of when waking up and the last person on my mind before sleeping blah blah. Then I said I am not gonna keep chasing the person that doesn't like me back. She said she liked me and she is sorry she gave me mixed feelings. We talked about it and she said she is afraid that she isn't over her ex yet but she kinda telling me how she wanna be together with me but now is not the right time. After a few days we got together.

 

It was all great at first. We were doing all those cute couple things and talking so much but that gradually got worse. We fought a bit but we kept going. We went on dates for a few times but the last date was kinda bad. We didn't talk about it and pretended nothing happen which is a bad move. I got depressed for a while because something is wrong, she is acting different but I still didn't say anything because I was afraid we were gonna fight again. She is busy with her studies and all, so am I but I always tried to make time for her. We don't talk much on weekdays, so I tried to call or skype with her on the weekends but she would said she is busy with her studies and stuff. I mean if you really in love with someone you would at least call for a while no matter how busy right ?

 

She called last night because she felt bad for not wanting to call. We talked a bit but I started to tell her how we need better communication like tell each other we feel truthfully. I know she wouldn't tell me when she is unsatisfied with me because she would only mention it a bit when we fought. When I asked her to tell me what am I doing wrong she would say No because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Well I was like her too, I wouldn't tell her how I feel because I dont want to hurt her. But last night, I just tell her everything. I tried to keep it light tho, so it doesn't turn into a fight I pretty much make fun of us. We laughed about it a lot. It been a while since we had fun with each other.

 

At the end, she told me that she was not ready for a relationship yet. She told me she hadn't entirely got over her ex because she still see him everyday, so I asked her if she need a break from this relationship ? She hesitate at first but she wanted a break after all. She told me she felt pressured when I confessed to her the second time because she is afraid to lose me, so she accepted me. I apologize for pressuring her. She said she didn't wanted a breakup just a break. I asked her how long ? She said till around September because we are actually both going to sit for a national test trial this August and the the real test this November. So I asked her why not till December since we are still going to be busy but she replied its going to be too cruel toward me. I asked her is this the reason why she gradually treat me worse ? She said she was slowly realizing she is not ready for the relationship so yes. I respected her decision and agreed to be on a break.

 

I feel like she genuinely care about me and love me, but I'm afraid even after the break she might still not be ready. What can I do at this point other than just giving her space and staying away ? How can I help her forget about her ex ? Is this the right thing to do ? Please tell me what you think ? Thank You !

[Jibralta]

I don't think there's anything you can do about it. She's just not ready for the kind of relationship you want. I think it goes beyond the ex boyfriend issue. From what you describe, she has trouble communicating, in general. I think she has different priorities. You've been honest about your feelings, patient, caring. But a good relationship can't exist when one person is doing all of the work. I think there's a big chance that she still won't be ready after the break. I've always found breaks to be pointless, to be honest. But time will tell.

[jay228]

She definitely put her studies as her min priorities and I get that. I think that she would put in as much effort as I did if she is ready for the relationship. Care to tell me in more details about why you think it's beyond boyfriend issue and why there's a big chance she won't be ready after the break ? I 'm afraid that I'm blinded by love that I cant see the problems and all, therefore your opinion would be really helpful to me. Thank you !

[Jibralta]

Care to tell me in more details about why you think it's beyond boyfriend issue and why there's a big chance she won't be ready after the break ?

 

Her flakiness leads me to think that way. But I really don't know for sure--and I could be wrong!