Lonely

[LonelyGirl21]

I have been single for 9 months now aftera 4yr relationship. I have been using Tinder and POF, my schedule makes it difficult to meet single men. I'm 31, I'm a pretty girl, but I can't seem to find what I am looking for. The biggest issue, physical attraction. I look around and I see good looking men, then I see the wedding ring. I've always been attracted to older men, so we are talking 35-42. I'm starting to convince myself all of the good looking men are taken. The handful of guys that I have slept with, never fails. It's a hook up and that's it. Trying to find the combination of a man I am interested in, it's frustrating. I have a career and financially support myself, I expect the same. I have day's when I am convinced I will be single forever and it terrifies me. I have so much to offer someone else. Im so tired of being lonely. My friends, the few I do have - I keep a small circle, they have lives of their own. I want someone to have fun with on the weekends, instead of waiting to go to work. I have hobbies, but I'm getting tired of doing those things by myself too. Anyone have any advice for me? A pep talk? Something?

[mustlovedogs]

Physical attraction is important, but if you're only chasing the top 5% of dudes you may not have much luck.

 

What else do you want? Do you just want arm candy? Do you just want someone because you're lonely? Are you over your past relationship?

[Krankor]

Have you ever had someone whose looks grew on you? I mean, someone you weren't attracted to at first but you became attracted to him once you got to know him?

 

I ask because I think it's happened to most of us. One problem with online dating is that it kind of takes that away; we just look at a few pics and say "nah, not attracted."

 

So my suggestion would be to give more guys a chance. Don't settle, just try to have an open mind.

[mustlovedogs]

^^^ yes this exactly.

 

My ex wasn't initially that attractive to me in photos. He was meh. Once meeting, I thought he was SO CUTE.

 

So much so that my "type" has even expanded.

[Krankor]

^^^ yes this exactly.

 

My ex wasn't initially that attractive to me in photos. He was meh. Once meeting, I thought he was SO CUTE.

 

So much so that my "type" has even expanded.

That brings up a good point; some people just don't photograph well for whatever reason. Actually, my last two girlfriends were like this; far more attractive in person than in their pictures.

[mustlovedogs]

That brings up a good point; some people just don't photograph well for whatever reason. Actually, my last two girlfriends were like this; far more attractive in person than in their pictures.

 

Oh I also meant he grew more attractive to me as we hung out, too - both are true.

 

Because once I met him IRL, I could see some his quirks and ticks and they were cute and endearing.

[Jy1986usa]

I agree. It sounds like you have pretty high standards which is fine if you're ok with being single until they are met. But judging by this post you're not. And at 31 you're not getting any younger. I'm 30 btw just in case you think I'm being insensitive. Point is it's probably time to become more open minding and start giving more guys a chance.

[catfeeder]

Are you exhausting yourself by setting up full dates with these people? You don't need to devote more than a 15 minute cup of coffee for quick meets to check one another out. Rules are that neither can corner the other to ask for a full date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward with an invitation. If the answer is yes, the other responds, but if not, then no reply is necessary.

 

This takes the squirmy rejection stuff off the table while allowing you to learn whether there's chemistry. Most people are NOT our match, so spending full evenings with people you could rule out in 5 minutes makes no sense. Quick meets also shift the odds of ruling out players in your favor. That doesn't mean you'll never meet some patient players, but if you've been jumping into bed with guys on first dates, why be surprised if you're not taken seriously after demonstrating that you don't take your Self seriously?

 

I'd speed up the meeting side of the equation, and I'd slow down the sex. This way, you won't invest in sex on attraction alone, and you won't waste your valuable time on full dates with anyone who turns you off.

 

Head high.