What should I do?

[chevygirl1718]

So I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I met this guy on a dating website while he was stationed near me. We talked for a few days and honestly I have never felt so connected to someone in my whole life. We fell in love and literally spent every second together for two weeks. These were the best two weeks of my life. Then he told me that he was being sent to a different base... 1700 miles away from me. He had volunteered weeks before he met me to go to the new base because he wanted to deploy (the base he was stationed at when we met does not deploy). We made the best of the time we had left together. Then he left. I cried so hard for days, I've never had a long distance relationship before. We texted, talked on the phone, video chatted everyday. He had even bought me a plane ticket to fly up there for a week during my spring break(I am a full time college student working two jobs and it was really hard to get off of work, but they let me!). I had a connecting flight, but my first flight was delayed and I missed my second flight. I was five hours away from him, in a state that I had never been to before by myself and the next flight to him wasn't until noon the next day(It was about 11 at night when this happened). Also I have bad anxiety and had never flown before. He had been watching my plane and realized I would not make it to my second one, so he started driving and did not tell me. I called him crying hysterically because I wanted to see him so bad and this delay would take another day of me being in his arms again. He told me to calm down and that everything was going to be okay. I got mad and was like how is it okay I won't get there until 3pm the next day I had no money for a hotel or food and I would have to sleep in an empty airport. That's when he told me he was only an hour away from where I was. He still teases me to this day about being a baby and we both laugh about it today. I spent another amazing week with the man of my dreams. (Oh and he had requested ten days off to finish getting settled and finding a place so that he would not have to work while I was there seeing him and he got it.) I have only a year left of school and he told me to finish school and then I can follow him where ever he goes, unless I want to stay with my family. He would support my decision either way, but he would be much happier if I was with him. I told him I wanted to be with him where ever he went because I loved him. We talked about how we wanted to live, how to raise kids. (We also hado those conversations before he left for the new base). Everything we said was pretty much the same give or take. Well then I had to fly back home. That week is when everything fell apart. My cousin found his profile on the dating website we met on and he had updated his profile to where he lived saying he was looking for 'someone to have lunch with' and his profile picture was one that I took of him while he still lived near me. I was beyond pissed. I confronted him about it, on the phone of course cause this was after I got back from seeing him. He said he was just trying to meet new people and that if I wanted him to stop he would, but I was pissed because my brain was telling me that since he did not tell me about this that he was cheating on me. He kept saying that was not the case, that he loved me and wanted to be with me. He told me their name and how the lunch went. He said he didn't pay or anything like he would with me. He didn't even hug them or anything, except when they were saying bye. And he never saw them again because he couldn't be friends with them (because of their personality). Well I was pissed and still called him a liar and cheater and hung up. He texted and called for about 2 weeks. Saying the same thing pretty much. 'I love you and I wanna be with you. I'm going to work on myself. I'm not giving up on us'. I never replied. 2 months went by without anything. Then he texts me out of the blue last week. It said something along the lines of 'I wrestled a bear so yea boom!' which is something he always talked about doing for whatever reason I have no idea lol that is just how he is. I replied hours later with 'good for you?' he said 'well its something I always told you I was gonna do so I wanted you to know I did it' and I said 'And I care why?' and he said 'I wanted you to know that I keep my word. And when I told you I loved you and wanted to be spend my life with you, I wasn't lying. But I realized after we got off the phone months ago that I needed to change to become the man you want and need, and eventually a husband. And that's exactly what I have been doing these past two months. Of course I still have to work on things, but I'm trying. I deleted my account on that website. I haven't talked or hung out with any woman. I told you I wouldn't give up on us. My plan was to fly down there in August when I had leave and surprise you. Because you always said actions speak louder than words.' Then he sent me a screenshot of his plane ticket he had bought for August 18th to come down here and also a text conversation between him and a friend of his that is still living at the base near me that said his friend was going to pick him up from the airport and drive him to my house that day. I didn't reply at first because I didn't know what to say. Then he sent another one saying that he was driving and to call him if I wanted to talk. (He really hates when people text and drive so he doesn't do it) And I called him about 15 mins after he said he was driving. We talked for 3 hours on the phone. At first it was him explaining everything that he had done the past two months and then he asked how I was. It was like old times again. But of course we can't talk all the time because he is training cadets or something (I still don't understand everything or anything really about the military) But I'm still confused on the whole situation, ya know? Like I don't know if he is lying to me about not cheating on me but at the same time I still love him. We have been talking every chance we get and honestly, it is just like old times. He said that we just had a fight that got out of hand, but he knew he had to change if he wanted to be with me. We don't get to talk a lot, if any at all, because of his work. And I know I said I would try and make this short, but I wanted everyone to know the details and background story. So what do y'all think about my situation? Thank you in advance for any advice!

[Andrina]

"We talked for a few days and honestly I have never felt so connected to someone in my whole life. We fell in love and literally spent every second together for two weeks."

 

Everyone feels that high at the beginning. And spending that amount of time at the very beginning is not the normal pace of a relationship. It usually ends up being smothering, even if the man seems to go along with it, and doesn't admit it.

 

He's going to change? How about finding a local man who doesn't need to change? Find a one-woman man who doesn't seek out other "friends" on a dating site while he's been intimate with you and has talked of a future with you. Besides that, talks like that should come after being together at least a year, and regularly at that, not long distance.

 

He's shown you who he is. Believe him the first time.

 

You should also slow your roll or you're going to scare away any future dates with how fast and intensely you fall. This experience should show you that it takes time to get to know the real person after you take the rose-colored glasses off.