Dating in the workplace - Ya or Nah?

[Quirkster]

She wants you. Plain and simple. Go for it, but be smooth about it.

 

"I'm just going to ask if she's ready for that drink next door and in the end stay the mature, drama-free individual that I am."

 

In my opinion, don't ask. I would say something like, "I'm thinkin' now's about the perfect time to hit up next door," with a grin on my face. If she stalls, say, "Well come on," kind of with a country accent and a grin. If she says anything to the effect of, "Not right now," I'd say, "Okay, well I'm going." and I'd walk off perhaps. I doubt she'll stall or back out though. Not if she's into you.

 

Appreciate the vote of confidence! I tell you man, every time we lock eyes and exchange smiles my gut is screaming at me that something is there. My pragmatic side of course is in overdrive always look for the most overt indicator of interest. LOL

 

Here's the thing though - since we're at work it's real hit or miss as far opportunities for face-to-face. We don't have the same lunch hour. I would literally have to be headed to somewhere else in the building at the same time she is or catch her on the way out at the end of the day. The latter of which isn't easy either because our colleagues leave at the same time and for now I'm not trying to put this out in the open in front of them. It's definitely not appropriate to walk over to her desk to bring it up either.

 

In fact, funny thing happened today. One of the guys who's always creeping on her ran his usual end of day act. He strolled over to her desk and after chatting for a minute asked her to come to his birthday party in two weeks, which she declined. Everyone in the area could hear the crash and burn. One girl even ran up to me and was like "Are you seeing this? I'm coming over here by you for a minute because it's so awkward!".

 

I would prefer to physically say it, but I dunno - our work instant messenger may be more appropriate/suitable.

[Quirkster]

An email just went around the office to inform us that yesterday was her last day.

 

This just got interesting. Now I'm going to have to rely on Facebook - Remember she sent me a friend request back when the flirting first started (only guy in the office too).

 

On one hand, it's easier if she's not a co-worker, but on the other will definitely miss seeing that angelic face of hers passing by my desk 6-7 times a day. I was literally going to ask her tomorrow about grabbing that drink - planned to do it then because I'm off after that for 5 days, which would give a nice buffer in case of rejection.

 

I'm reminded of why it's important to not think so much and strike while the iron is hot or more importantly when I want/feeling something.

[catfeeder]

An email just went around the office to inform us that yesterday was her last day.

 

This just got interesting. Now I'm going to have to rely on Facebook - Remember she sent me a friend request back when the flirting first started (only guy in the office too).

 

On one hand, it's easier if she's not a co-worker, but on the other will definitely miss seeing that angelic face of hers passing by my desk 6-7 times a day. I was literally going to ask her tomorrow about grabbing that drink - planned to do it then because I'm off after that for 5 days, which would give a nice buffer in case of rejection.

 

I'm reminded of why it's important to not think so much and strike while the iron is hot or more importantly when I want/feeling something.

 

Hah! No, it would remind me to use discretion and patience to see if unfavorable conditions change. In this case they did. Ask away, and enjOy.

[Quirkster]

Hah! No, it would remind me to use discretion and patience to see if unfavorable conditions change. In this case they did. Ask away, and enjOy.

 

LOL, you're probably right.

 

Feels like life is whispering "Here you go - the stage is set."

[Quirkster]

Welp, sent her a quick message on FB yesterday about finally grabbing that drink sometime ........ She read it. No response. Zero.

 

Appreciate all the input everyone gave. Looks like there was nothing there to begin with. Time to drift back into apathy for while.

[Quirkster]

And of course who do I run into last night when I was out for Sunday Funday? Her of course.

 

She came all the way over to me to chat. Was being really friendly. I didn't even bring up the message I sent her on FB. I officially have no idea where this chick is coming from though.

[Quirkster]

Putting this one to bed.

 

I mentioned in my original post in this thread that I know a guy who dated her ex. It was one of the first things she asked me about after she was looking thru my friends list on Facebook. Saturday night when we were chatting she brought him up again asking about the conversation I had with him a month ago. I reassured her it was nothing but good things. She then told me the ex- cheated on her. I definitely didn't know about that part, I just knew the guy lavished her with trips, gifts, etc etc and them dropped her like a bad habit.

 

The real problem here traces back to my association with the mutual friend. It indirectly put me in the crosshairs of a situation between her and her ex that clearly still lingers. I mean why else would she bring that up again? The day I told her I asked the mutual friend about her was supposed to be a nudge nudge hint hint kind of thing. I wanted her to see I was interested, but being low-key about it. Afterwards I felt I should have just kept it to myself. In her mind my connection to the mutual friend and the ex- is more than likely exaggerated. The mutual friend is just someone I see out in the city when I go for drinks. Either way this situation is pretty much dead.

 

I sent her a follow up FB message Monday afternoon telling her it was good seeing her again and that her ex- is a moron . That one got no response either. Man I just hope sometime soon I can feel this way again. It was so great being excited to see someone on a daily basis.

[Vexna]

From reading the title, these are the things that you risk by dating from your job:

 

*If it ends and it ends badly, he could talk trash about you to your boss, thus perhaps risking your job.

*You have to see him both all day and then privately aswell- can get to be too much, you get annoyed with each other

*If ending badly or against his will and he turns out to be psycho, he could also talk trash about you to your soworkers and by then he probably knows alot about you

*He can have a watching eye on you at work if he's close to someone working with you and is the stalking type

 

 

That's what comes to mind. But if you can risk that, go for it! Some can handle it, some can't.

 

Ps: Saw you'd added him on FB. I wouldn't. he can see private things on there and if he can't be trusted or if you guys become unfriendly, he can spread the word at your workplace, thus giving you a bad rumour or even be shut out. I'd go for Skype instead.

[Quirkster]

From reading the title, these are the things that you risk by dating from your job:

 

*If it ends and it ends badly, he could talk trash about you to your boss, thus perhaps risking your job.

*You have to see him both all day and then privately aswell- can get to be too much, you get annoyed with each other

*If ending badly or against his will and he turns out to be psycho, he could also talk trash about you to your soworkers and by then he probably knows alot about you

*He can have a watching eye on you at work if he's close to someone working with you and is the stalking type

 

 

That's what comes to mind. But if you can risk that, go for it! Some can handle it, some can't.

 

I honestly let the whole "co-worker" dynamic get into my head a little too much and over-thought the whole thing.

 

Ps: Saw you'd added him on FB. I wouldn't. he can see private things on there and if he can't be trusted or if you guys become unfriendly, he can spread the word at your workplace, thus giving you a bad rumour or even be shut out. I'd go for Skype instead.

 

Wait, this is a girl we're talking about here. She was the one who sent me the Facebook friend request. Within about 10mins of me accepting it, she began asking me about an individual on my friends list that she also knew. This individual is also close friends wit her ex-boyfriend - the guy who was cheating on her and abruptly broke up with her.

 

I should have never asked the individual about her or more specifically not let her know that I did. I was only trying to send a subtle hint that I was asking because I was interested in her - but in doing so I associated myself with a sensitive issue in her life. Who knows if she wants to reconcile with the cheating ex-boyfriend. Her knowing me or going on dates with me could have potentially gotten back to him through the mutual friend.

 

This is just my assumption right now ...... especially after she brought up my conversation with the mutual friend when I ran into her this weekend (a full 4 weeks after-the-fact). All of this could have been avoided had I just taken initiative early on instead of being so overly-calculating (even if it was well-intended).

 

I've got lots of regret flowing through me right now.