Does My Boyfriend's Friend Like Me? Complicated Situation

[elephantkisses]

Hi everyone,

 

This is my first post on this site. I really need some outside perspectives/opinions on my situation. *Note: I changed the names to protect the identity of the real people I'm talking about.* So here it goes:

 

Lets rewind to 7 months ago. My best friend Maddy convinced me to go to a party a few hours away. Once we got there, her friend who invited us introduced us to some of his friends. We were introduced to Joey and Lucas (who are best friends) and ended up hanging out with them for the night since we didn't know anyone else there. They were both very friendly and I exchanged numbers and social media with both of them. It turns out that both Joey and Lucas live right around the corner from me and Lucas attends the same college as me- a coincidence considering we all trekked out hours away for this party.

The next day, they both message me. I texted every day with both of them for about a week. Keep in mind that they're best friends, and I don't know if they were aware that I was texting them both.

Joey was quite flirty and asked me out so I gave him a chance and we ended up getting close, hanging out alot. We started dating about a week later. I never mentioned that I was also texting his best friend Lucas for that whole first week after I met them.

After a few weeks of dating Joey, he told me, "Promise you won't tell Lucas, but we both wanted you when we met you and fought over you." I wasn't shocked that his friend Lucas might have liked me, considering we were pretty friendly texting that first week. we hung out the three of us alot after that and I got along really well with both of them. Joey was my boyfriend and Lucas became my friend.

 

Fast forward 7 months later. Joey and I are still dating and our relationship is pretty serious. ALOT has happened in these past 7 months. I'll try to explain as clearly as possible.

 

So after 2 months of dating Joey, I started to have doubts and found myself slightly attracted to Lucas. Lucas and I are very similar in many ways, share a similar background, etc. However, since I was in a relationship with Joey (still am), I told my best friend Maddy to go for Lucas. I thought it would be cute for us to go on double dates and that they would make a cute couple! My friend Maddy gave him a chance and they started flirting and going on dates but never officially dated. Lucas wanted a serious relationship while Maddy wanted to see other guys while with him. While they went on dates, Maddy continued to see/go on dates with other guys and this bothered Lucas. Joey and I and Maddy and Lucas went on many double dates and it was alot of fun as I hoped. However, I noticed I would get little pangs of jealousy when I saw them cuddling/kissing. I also felt bad for Lucas because he would trust her and she would kiss other guys. Lucas is a kind pure hearted guy and I felt bad and felt that he deserved the loyalty he wanted.

As I dated my boyfriend Joey longer and longer, I noticed that he was letting his true colours show and that he was actually a real jerk. Lucas was always kind to me when my boyfriend was a jerk and would take my side, despite Joey being his best friend. Also, when we went on double dates, I would talk and my boyfriend Joey would cut me off and interrupt. Lucas would then tell Joey to shutup and that he wanted to hear what I had to say. My boyfriend Joey would get offended but Lucas would give me his full undivided attention and let me finish speaking. Another time, we all went to the mall; Joey and I were walking slightly ahead of Lucas and Maddy. Maddy sent me a text and when I read it, it said "Lucas is staring at your a** lol." I felt bad because Lucas was supposed to be on a date with her but was supposedly staring at me. Maddy also told me that Lucas would talk very highly of me and that he liked me (I think she meant like me as a friend though). Lucas also told me he loved me twice while drunk at parties. It seemed like a friendly I love you, but one of the times he said it infront of Maddy and I think she was uncomfortable. Also, at a party, my friends left while I was putting my coat on but Lucas stayed behind and waited for me which was kind.

As time went on, my boyfriend Joey wanted to go out less so I would go out with Maddy and Lucas more. Since Lucas lives so close to me, he would drive me home from these hangouts. This made Joey a quite jealous.

Here's where things get interesting...

After about 4 months of dating Joey, and being friends with Lucas, Lucas told Maddy something while they were on a date. He told her that Joey was definetly cheating on me and being unloyal. He also mentioned how he thinks Joey is shady and doesn't trust him. He said that "Joey treats me bad and he doesn't understand why because I'm so nice and the perfect girlfriend to Joey." I didn't know how to feel. He betrayed his best friend to protect me. I decided to stay with Joey despite hearing all this.

Fast forward one month later and I find out from the initial friend that invited me and Maddy to the party that Joey cheated on me with Lucas' ex girlfriend! I felt that I owed it to Lucas to tell him the truth, so one night when Lucas drove me home from hanging out with him and Maddy, I took the opportunity to tell him. I think Lucas and I felt some kind of a bond that night because we were both betrayed by Joey. I thanked him for telling me about everything and he said "It's because I care ab-" and stopped himself and looked at me shyly. It seemed like he was going to say "It's because I care about you."

Even after hearing all this, I stayed with Joey. Lucas couldn't understand why and felt that I didn't deserve to be treated badly. Joey and Lucas stopped being friends from this point on and are still no longer friends. I feel like I broke their friendship which makes me sad.

So anyways, like I said earlier, Lucas attends the same college as me while my boyfriend Joey does not. Coincidentally, one day, I ran into Lucas on campus (just as I was thinking about him) but we just gave a quick wave and kept walking. At this point, in time he was still a thing with my best friend Maddy. She wasn't around though. A few minutes later, I recieve a text from him asking me to hang out. I had butterflies and was flattered that he wanted to hang out with me. My boyfriend Joey told me that he didn't want me associating with Lucas after their friendship ended. I accepted Lucas' invitation to hang out anyways. We hung out one on one and played billiards, walked around campus, etc. Time went by so quick with him and we were both having alot of fun. I even went to one of his classes with him to keep him company. While we were talking on the way to class, he asked me about a hobby I was working on that I had told him about the first week we met. I was shocked that he actually listened to me when I told him about it and that he remembered 5 months later! He even wanted to make plans with me to go to a concert and we talked about our similar music tastes. He picked up my jacket when it fell off my seat and was sweet to me all day. My friend Maddy was a bit confused when I told her we hung out but she was totally cool with it. I never ended up telling Joey that I hung out with Lucas that day because I knew he'd be angry. (I'm not proud of this and it is out of character for me to lie, I still feel guilty about it until this day).

I'm still dating Joey although we have a drama filled relationship. I have caught him in contact with his ex even though he told me he blocked her. His friend showed me that my bf is on Tinder (dating app). He asked for girls numbers while we were on a double date (while I was away for a few minutes). He calls me names, accuses me of things I don't do, and gets mad at me/blames me for every little thing, has little respect for me as shown by his actions. Furthermore, all of HIS friends have now told me that he's cheating on me. Plus all MY friends want me to break up with him.

Despite all of this, I continue to stay with him (and I know this is my own choice/iissue).

Lucas and I now haven't talked or seen eachother in over a month. I think about him alot... and Maddy told me that her and Lucas always talk about how terrible Joey is and how I could do way better.

So currently,

-I am still dating Joey while everyone tells me to leave him.

-Lucas has become cold/distant to me.

-Maddy and Lucas talk every week but are not dating, because of their different relationship style wants.

 

So after all this, these are my thoughts/questions:

1. It is evident that I've had a crush on Lucas for quite a while. Sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision and that I should have went for Lucas instead that first week. I feel guilty about this.

2. This is the #1 most pressing question I have. From everything you have read above, do you think that Lucas likes me??? I honestly can't tell. My friends say I am oblivious to when a guy likes me. But I also don't want to misinterpret his kindness as flirting. I can't tell if he's been flirting/has feelings for me or if he has just been nice because thats who he is as a person. What do you think?

3. I never told Maddy that I had feelings for Lucas because I'm the one who set them up and now she likes him. I want to tell her and technically I was way closer to him initially, but I don't want to cause any drama between us or for her to feel bad. But she's also seeing other guys and doesn't feel serious about him. Should I tell her that I like Lucas?

4. I want to tell Lucas that I like him. I want to tell him that I have liked him all along. I want him to know, and I want to know if he feels the same way. It just feels like this would ruin everything... Dating my boyfriend's former best friend who is sort of in a relationship with my best friend. By telling Lucas how I feel, I will definetly lose my boyfriend and I may also lose my best friend. This wouldn't be too bad if I knew forsure he liked me back. But if he rejects me, I will lose Joey, Maddy, and Lucas...

What do you suggest I do?

 

Ps. Thank you to everyone who actually took the time to read through this entire post. I know it's really long and probably confusing (sorry!)

[Wolfshook]

You will destroy so many friendships and relationships if you dont back off. Is it really something you want to do?

 

If your bf is so bad,why dont you dump him?

[thealchemist]

Where to start? It doesn't even seem like you want a serious relationship and you are really just playing a dating game. You obviously like a guy so you "place hold" him with your friend. You stay with a guy you describe as a jerk and cheater. Why? For more drama?

 

You have no healthy relationship options with anyone in your story. What is it that you even want? What is a relationship that would be ideal?

[elephantkisses]

For those asking why I don't break up with Joey if he's such a jerk:

 

I know that my relationship with Joey is unhealthy. I have tried to leave him countless times and each time, he somehow lures me back in. I am a psychology student and have established that he is manipulative and emotionally abusive. I also suffer from severe anxiety and have insecurity issues. I have a difficult time expressing my feelings and I don't like to upset others. I know that he mistreats me, I know that he has cheated, but I can't get the courage to leave, despite everyone close to me tellkng me to. I feel like I would be throwing away 7 months of my life and that I would be lonely if we broke up. I also suffer from depression and I fear that a breakup would exacerbate both conditions.

[madi10]

For those asking why I don't break up with Joey if he's such a jerk:

 

I know that my relationship with Joey is unhealthy. I have tried to leave him countless times and each time, he somehow lures me back in. I am a psychology student and have established that he is manipulative and emotionally abusive. I also suffer from severe anxiety and have insecurity issues. I have a difficult time expressing my feelings and I don't like to upset others. I know that he mistreats me, I know that he has cheated, but I can't get the courage to leave, despite everyone close to me tellkng me to. I feel like I would be throwing away 7 months of my life and that I would be lonely if we broke up. I also suffer from depression and I fear that a breakup would exacerbate both conditions.

If i were you i would ask my friend if shes really into him cuz shes not really wanting anything serious so obviously she's not thinking too much about it and probably isnt that into him, but still remaining aloof like you're not too interested but just wondering. Then if shes says shes not into him tell her about your predicament and she might be able to give you courage about the whole ordeal. On the other hand if she is into him id leave it alone until you or her moves on. As for your current boyfriend dont think of dumping him throwing away the time youve spent these past 7 months but more of the time youre wasting still dating him. If he isnt someone you respect and aspire to be as a person then most likely youre not gonna wanna spend years and years with this person. In conclusion i would suggest getting better information before making a move and if you get positive information about "lucas" itll make you feel more confident to break up with "joey".

[thealchemist]

For those asking why I don't break up with Joey if he's such a jerk:

 

I know that my relationship with Joey is unhealthy. I have tried to leave him countless times and each time, he somehow lures me back in. I am a psychology student and have established that he is manipulative and emotionally abusive. I also suffer from severe anxiety and have insecurity issues. I have a difficult time expressing my feelings and I don't like to upset others. I know that he mistreats me, I know that he has cheated, but I can't get the courage to leave, despite everyone close to me tellkng me to. I feel like I would be throwing away 7 months of my life and that I would be lonely if we broke up. I also suffer from depression and I fear that a breakup would exacerbate both conditions.

Boy are you in for a lifetime of romantic misery.

 

7 months wasted already. How much more time are you going to waste. The longer you are in such a toxic relationship the longer you will need afterwards to recover. And the more likely that your next relationship will be just as bad.

 

For the love of whatever deity you believe in break up with this guy. Then stay single for a good long time until you can get control over all your issues.

 

You aren't even capable of a worthwhile relationship.