A Lost Friendship

[EternalFlame]

I have a friend and for 2 years we were inseperable. She was more than a friend to me she was my sister. I felt closer to her than I did my own family. During the last 4 months of that 2 year span she remained a great friend to me, but she was a toxic person in lots of other ways. A lot of the things she was doing really bothered me, had my morals all messed up and made me feel like a sh***y person just for being friends with someone like that. After several attempts at trying to be there for her, trying to talk to her and trying to help her had failed I began to feel distant from her. I didn't want to be the kind of friend that backs down when things get tough but I really just didn't know what else to do. I guess she began to pick up on my distance because she blew up at me. Annnnd I blew up right back at her. We got into a huge fight we both said a bunch of things that I honestly can't believe we would ever say to each other and our friendship came to an abrupt end.

 

For 2 more years we didn't speak. During that time I went through an emotional roller coaster. I stayed mad and bitter about it for a long time. Our fight played over in my head and each time I heard her words I would get angry all over again. After I got over being mad I was sad all the time. I lost my best friend, my sister. Losing her hurt worst than any break up or broken heart I could ever go through. Then I was numb and couldn't feel anything at all. Then I was confused. I started questioning everything and I blamed myself. After a while I started to heal but I missed her and thought she might be hurt from it too so I decided I had to fix it. So I reached out to her. I apologized for everything I did wrong and have been trying to make up for it. She did not. she says its all on me and she didn't do anything wrong. Regardless, that's not the problem.

 

Since she's been back my life I feel like I made a HUGE mistake and that I should have just left it alone She's gotten much worst then she was before. There's a lot of drama in my life that I didn't have before. There's a lot of arguing with everyone around me that always seems to come back to her. I feel like she doesn't know me at all and honestly I'm not sure I know her anymore either. I don't trust her anymore. I feel like she is just not a good person. But I miss my sister and all our good memories still linger sometimes. Also I don't want a huge fight followed by an emotional roller coaster again and I don't want to hurt her either. so what do I do???

[zaahid]

While i understand the emotional connection you shared with her i feel she just comes with to much baggage. She is hurting you relationships with other people and is presumably again disturbing your morals i know all to well about someone like this it is best to leave them before things spiral out of control even more.

[EternalFlame]

I think maybe she just wasn't the person I thought she was at the beginning of our friendship and maybe this person who she is now is the real her and she's just showing her true colors. I want so bad for things to go back to the way they were before but maybe im just morning the lose of something that was never really there.