Needing Advice

[Missmaddy1337]

My 5 year relationship ended. He broke up with over a year ago we go back together after two weeks. Now a year later (6days who) he dumped me again for the same reasons as last time, im lazy. He had to constantly ask me to do things like cook clean do laundry anything really. I just enjoyed playing video games and never did anything to help him. He literary did everything for me work cook clean etc. We do business together and since the break up I don't talk to him unless he asks me if i could take appointments I just sent I'm a thumbs up emoji. I'm trying to do no contact to make him kiss me. He told before he left that he is still in love with me but there will be a minimum of a year before we come back together because I need to mature and grow up. Now recently he has been keeping up with my snap chat stories of tying to improve on all the things I did wrong. He never use to use snap chat. Iwish I just changed when I had the opportunity I really really do because it was all good changes. But the other day I made the mistake of asking his bests friend who is basically living with him for the second if he thought that if I change will he come back around? He responded with I think he loves you Dearly but I think he has come to the point where you might be better off as friends. I really don't want that. I want to improve and fix all my problems because it'll lead to further relationships failing. I'm just hurt and lost and my birthday is coming up I don't want to be single in July. I mean what are my chances right now? Do you think he may comeback around?

[Clio]

Even if he comes back you will break up again. The reason that led to your break up is very much still there. Coming back to you only servers to reward your laziness so it is highly likely that you will go back to your old routine. Old habits die hard and sometimes never. You need to either find someone with a high tolerance for untidiness or make enough money to hire a maid.

[WombatShadow]

I disagree with Clio. It'll be hard, but you should be able to change your habits for the best. It'll take work and perseverance, but you can make positive changes to counteract your laziness. My suggestion would be to do one big, deep clean to give yourself a fresh base before starting with 15 minutes of work a day. Just 15 minutes of tidying up, cooking something easy, or even just going for a walk. After a few weeks, increase it to about half an hour for those tasks that need longer periods, and eventually you'll find that it won't take nearly as much time every day. You can move to doing laundry every three days or so, dusting every few days, sweeping once a week, etc. You'll even notice that it becomes habit to pick up after yourself as you make a mess.

 

The rub of this is that you need to make this change for you and not for your ex. Use this time to improve on yourself because you need or want to, not because he wants you to. If you make the changes for yourself, they'll be way more likely to stick even if you get back with your ex. Speaking of, don't rely on the idea of him coming back. He could just be trying to let you down gently.

[tattoobunnie]

You don't cook, clean, or even do your own laundry. Do you at least do yard work, take care of all the bills, plumbing, or electrical issues?

 

If you don't do any of the above, not trying to be rude, but essentially you are not acting like a partner, and really just a child. No person, friend, or roommate would want what you have to offer, which is nothing when it comes to pitching in to your home.

 

You partner and friends are not your maid. Watch youtube to learn how cook, clean, or do laundy. Heck, even the labels on laundry detergent and cleaning supplies tell you how to do it.

 

I mean, if you can't even do this for yourself, your partner is picturing how life would be with kids with you. Unless you just do it, nothing will change.

 

I broke up with someone over their never ending gaming too. Video games do not make you a home or a life.

[tattoobunnie]

Check out - they actually give webinars on how to do domestic things. I find people avoid doing things because their parents didn't give them enough tough love, and have them do chores, or because it's a way of avoidance and are truly depressed. When it's just because you expect others to do it for it, you get that from parents indulging you as well, but in the same token, it also tells others how you entitled you feel. Same with people who are chronically late - they do this as a way to deflect.

[Missmaddy1337]

I disagree with Clio. It'll be hard, but you should be able to change your habits for the best. It'll take work and perseverance, but you can make positive changes to counteract your laziness. My suggestion would be to do one big, deep clean to give yourself a fresh base before starting with 15 minutes of work a day. Just 15 minutes of tidying up, cooking something easy, or even just going for a walk. After a few weeks, increase it to about half an hour for those tasks that need longer periods, and eventually you'll find that it won't take nearly as much time every day. You can move to doing laundry every three days or so, dusting every few days, sweeping once a week, etc. You'll even notice that it becomes habit to pick up after yourself as you make a mess.

 

The rub of this is that you need to make this change for you and not for your ex. Use this time to improve on yourself because you need or want to, not because he wants you to. If you make the changes for yourself, they'll be way more likely to stick even if you get back with your ex. Speaking of, don't rely on the idea of him coming back. He could just be trying to let you down gently.

 

Thank you for a reasonable response. I know whrrr I've failed and I know here I need to improve. Over the week I've been doing things normal people do such as make the bed go running at 10am. Do the dishes etc I want to be a better person and fix these mistakes because if I don't no one will want me it's like taking car dog a two year old. I'd like for him to come bs k bad I don't think so it's been 5 years I now he loves me but I need to change for the better. I really do miss him thigh hopefully he will come around