coolgirl Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I've never been the type of person to go out to bars and clubs and be approached by someone. That's just not me nor my personality. The first boyfriend I had I met in middle school and that's it and we were together for a year on / off. I didn't even date much even when I was a teenager. Back in 2000 that's when I started to get into online dating. I would talk to people I've met online but the majority of them were long distance. And was with someone for 4 years long distance that we were to suppose to get married but ended up having to many problems towards the end of the relationship. I met my ex husband on a dating site which only lasted 3 1/2 years. After my divorce I jumped right back into the online dating scene but it has became worst overtime and till this day I'm still dealing with it. From emotional, mental, physical abuse, used, taken advantage of, so many people through out this past 17 years have screwed me over through out my life up until now. And majority of the people I have met are just in it for the sex. I have even traveled 2-3 times to see the people I was talking to. And all these abuse has manifested into me going through horrible anxiety and panic attacks, to depression and into being suicidal, getting angry and me being in stress is not good especially with my condition, being in psych wards to hospital stays every time I try to get know someone this is what happens to me other than that I had a happy childhood. And would not believe how many hospital stays I've had through out the years. I'm done. I'm not doing it anymore and not going to go through it anymore because I really don't deserve this. I don't cope well. I have a hard time getting along with people. My diagnoses makes it difficult too. Biploar 1 Disorder. I have issues with trusting people, I have abandonment issues, I have attachment issues. The fact of the matter is that no one would even want to put up with someone like me. I don't want love, I don't believe in love, and surly I don't want anyone loving me. I've had enough with putting up with being rejected, abandoned, being hurt too many times out of the 17 years I have endured I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I rather live the rest of my life in peace rather than to have a partner. I only have 2 good friends and that's enough for me. I just dont want it anymore. So I decided not to put myself out there anymore to go through more pain, more suffering honestly I don't deserve it. I just want to be happy within myself instead of getting into these type of situations over and over again. So far during this past year I have dealt instability with 7 different and difficult people overall whether it's on social media, and dating sites and cannot seem to catch a break anymore ! I'm done. Link to comment
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