She won't try with my family

[zazen31]

Hi all,

 

First post here.

 

I've run into a serious snag in my relationship with my girlfriend of 1 year. We're both 34, and have been living together for the past 4 months in easy harmony.

 

However, in the past couple weeks, conflicts about my family have come up, and have the potential to bring things to a halt for me. I would like some advice. A bit of background:

 

Since day 1, I've made myself available and willing to attend functions with her and her family. Dinners, weddings that her family also attended, etc.; I was always game. I even used up my year's allotment of vacation time for work to go on vacation with them as a family. As such, I've gotten very close with her parents, which is a great thing.

 

On the flip side, I realized throughout the months that she didn't really know *my* family very well, and I wanted to remedy that. She'd been to Thanksgiving and a couple other dinners with them, and that's all. Asking her to come to much else beyond that was usually met with hesitation and excuses that she didn't really have time due to wanting to get a workout in, etc.

 

Fast forward to Sunday this week: She was amicable to having my parents over for dinner this Saturday, and we started meal planning. On Monday, my Dad asked if he could bring my sister along too (she's been unwell, and was living out of state for the past couple years), and my girlfriend agreed, again, with some hesitation (though, she says she doesn't remember this conversation).

 

Today, things have deteriorated: She's now angry with me that there will now be 5 of us at the table, and claims that I was unfair to her in changing our plans. I tried to compromise and try to reschedule dinner with my sister until a little later next week, but that didn't work; it'll be 5 of us this weekend, and my girlfriend is still angry about it.

 

Frankly, after all the sacrifice I've made in getting to know her family, am I wrong in feeling that she's being selfish here? Am I unreasonable?

 

I'm at my wit's end.

[Careerchoice]

You must draw and enforce boundaries. You must express your reasonable desires and not back down when challenged. Women want men who they respect. Stop being such a "nice guy." She needs to get to know the real you, and that means being confronted when she's being unreasonable. And I don't mean just a polite conversation about it. It can start out that way, but if you don't get your way on this reasonable request, you need to be willing to terminate the relationship. It's that big of a deal.

[shessofly]

She's coming apart at the seams over one extra person at the dinner table? Is there a backstory to this? Has your family offended her in some way? Have you talked to her about the imbalance of time spent with your family? Like actually asked her what her hesitation is about?

[zazen31]

Thanks to both for your responses.

 

She's coming apart at the seams over one extra person at the dinner table? Is there a backstory to this? Has your family offended her in some way? Have you talked to her about the imbalance of time spent with your family? Like actually asked her what her hesitation is about?

 

Her gripe is that because this is our home, I should have discussed it with her before changing the plan. Now, I specifically do remember running it past her beforehand, but she doesn't remember that. She feels *I'm* the one being disrespectful to her.

 

However, I agree with Careerchoice: I don't feel like my request is at all unreasonable, regardless. If it was her brother joining at the table, I'd open my home with no hesitation.