Can't walk away

[Dooped1]

Condensed version of current situation.... dating guy for 1yr.. use to live closer had to relocate for job, we both agreed it would be hard but if we both wanted it we would do the work necessary. He has been there 6 months, started out fine, then he stopped messaging as much (went from numerous times during day to maybe once or twice).. would disappear on Fridays around 5pm, not respond to any messages, would eventually message around 2am.. gets defensive when I tell him he has changed.. tells me I'm "over thinking" I've told him if he wanted out that he needed to tell me, that if he wanted me to leave him alone I would, of course he says that's not what he wants.. I tried to walk away, but I caved... whenever I try and talk about my feelings or insecurities he gets irritated saying he can't even relax.. I know he is probably stinging me along, I'm not blind to the fact he is probably seeing someone else.. why can't I just be done with him???..I'm frustrated with myself for being a stupid girl...

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. LDRs are hard especially when you only had 6 mos of real-time under your belts. Did you know about his move when you met?

 

Unfortunately agree he may be dating locally. Why not tell him a LDR is not for you and you need to end it. This situation sounds too frustrating and unsustainable in the long run. Set yourself free.

He has been there 6 months. would disappear on Fridays around 5pm, not respond to any messages, would eventually message around 2am.. I'm not blind to the fact he is probably seeing someone else.

[Dooped1]

After about a month he told me. I've been totally committed to him and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.. I guess naively believing that with all the forms of communicating we could do it... the LDR isn't the frustrating part, at least not for me, it's that he is putting zero effort into it..that he considers the little bit he does message as effort . Considering the fact we have to been talking like we once had, you would think it should be easy to say I'm done... I guess I want someone to tell me that he is still into me.. instead of what I'm feeling being true.. truth hurts, right 😔

[imfinna]

Love yourself enough to know what needs to be done for the sake of your happiness

[amycoh]

Did you ask him straight to the face whether he is seeing someone else?

 

I know the pain of ldr since I've been in one for 3 years now. I can't tell you to keep it up or give up but don't hate yourself because of somebody else's problem. You deserve happiness too, if he is not ready to listen to you, better find somebody who wants to keep you happy.

[Dooped1]

Yes I've tried talking to him... he usually gets irritated... makes it seem like I'm over thinking... he says he has made an effort to communicate more.. I guess he has, Its just not the way it use to be, he set the bar with texting me all the time, taking random pics of things, selfies, video chats.. when that pretty much dropped off, Its hard not to think something is up... I know I can't make him something he isn't wanting to..and I honestly feel that if he wanted to talk to me or whatever else, he would...there is nothing stopping him, no one is that busy with work or amything else... it's his choice and I see that he doesn't choose me... I have started doing what he does... so now we seem to be acquaintances... breaks my heart, I did, do love him.. but like you said, I need to think about my happiness.. I'm trying so hard to do that... thanks for everyone's thoughts.. it helps me to see I'm not crazy or just looking for things

[gracie808]

Been in an LDR for about a year and a half now. We are meeting up in July to discuss closing the distance gap moving forward. Excited and anxious!

 

I must say there are really lulls in conversation and keeping up communication. We're older (late 40's) so we both hate the whole video/facetime thing. I love and respect him dearly, but there are days when I'm exhausted from work (humanitarian aid worker). When I see a Viber message come in, sometimes (but not often!) I don't respond till the next day. I'd rather be sincere than give a token response and have feel like a chore. (which I've done and I think he can tell!)

 

So I am torn between telling you - give him a break and don't chew him out on it, instead keep yourself busy and happy on your own. But then also trust your gut that if you feel he is pulling away, then let him go. They do always come back if it's meant to be. Be confident and love yourself, your life and career that you'll be fine whether he sticks around or not. This took me years to figure out! Lots of clingy, insecure behavior that makes me cringe now. The funny thing is the moment you stop running after them and focus on yourself or like me, became a workaholic and wanted to get ahead on my career, it's the moment they come around. Lol go figure. Best of luck. You can do this!