What does she want?

[Hambo]

Hi everyone!!

 

I'm new here, but i really need some advice!!

 

I've known this girl for a while...we get on really really well, and there is a lot of chemistry between us (lots of teasing, lots of eye contact, lots of laughing at each others jokes, and the odd bit of innocent brushing together of hands and arms). There are plenty of signs of interest. The other day i needed reminding about something, and looked to the people who already had my number, but instead she grabbed my phone and put her number in, rang her phone, and said "i'll remind you".

 

So fast forward to last night, and i decided to text her...we had a cool little SMS chat, and plenty of teasing in our texts...her replies all pretty much immediate apart from one...see below!!

 

Some of the convo..cut down a bit to save space!! (FYI, she calls me a playa because one of our friends thought i was a playa...even tho i am NOT, so she said "thats my nickname for you now"):

 

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her - "Hey Playa!!!... ...so how is work?"

 

Me - "Work is dull...im looking forward to having a drink already...you about this week?"

 

Her - "yeah although going away at the weekend possibly...XXX has some news!!"

 

Me - "oh ok...So when are you gonna make yourself available for a drink then? You can tell me the news!!"

 

Her - "Whenever!!!...and its not my news to tell !!"

 

Me - "ok you fancy drinks on Wendesday then and you can tell me the news anyway

 

---45 minute pause---

 

 

Her - "sorry hun, was on the phone!!...Possibly already have a kinda date on Wednesday but not too sure. And yes i'm evil and won't tell you the news"

 

Me - "well aren't you little miss popular!! And you call ME a playa!!"

 

Her - "Hardly!! a 'possibly date' doesn't make me a playa PLAYA!!!

 

Me - "ok well some other time maybe!! See you soon no doubt!"

 

Her - "If he doesn't happen on Wednesday i'll let you know!!"

 

----------------------

 

 

 

Now i have no idea - so many good signals, but then her texts sound more negative - like she is making excuses!! But then someone said to me that if she didn't want to go out at all, she'd have just said 'no' full stop - rather than leaving any room for possibilities!!

 

We have a great time when we see each other, and we definitely get on better than her and anyone else in our group! Even better than her and some of her longer term friends (iv not known her that long!)

 

So anyone got any advice? I'm lost!!

 

Maybe she isn't interested after all, or maybe she is playing hard to get!!

 

Any thoughts would be welcome!!

[DN]

Sounds to me as if she might possibly go out with you providing something else didn't happen that she would rather do. Not exactly enthusiastic. Better to find someone more interested in you.

[Nataliasolange]

Well, I would have to say dont put to much heart into this chick. She sounds like she may be wanting more of a friendship thing with you. Speaking from experience, I would not tell a man that I had interest in that I would be putting him off for a diffrent date- I could be wrong but maybe you could just be strait forward with her and ask her what the deal is? I wish you the best of luck!

[SkyFire]

People DO have other plans you know...

[Hambo]

See this is the thing...if she already had this date planned, then its fair enough that she still goes on it!! I mean you only have to read around these forums to see that plenty of people go on various dates with different people before they decide which one they like!!

 

I just can't make out how much to read into the various things she says - i mean half the time it is so positive and obvious, and other things make me think i'm being given the brush off!!!

 

Guess i should wait and see what happens over the next few days, and next time i see her!!

 

I am also an old friend of one of her friends (someone she works with)...this is the person who introduced us...so i could ask her, but maybe i'd do better just being patient!

[eddie500]

The intersting thing is why did she write that she has another date? And what exactly did she mean by a date? A date with another guy or a date with her mom.

 

I don't see anything really negative here, you bascially have to make a move on her! The longer you wait the worse it will probably be for you.

 

Oh, and thats good that she thinks your a playa.. so make her think that!

[Hambo]

by date she meant a date with another guy - here in England, that is generally what 'date' means, tho i've been told that other countries, it can be a date with pretty much anyone!!!

 

We've exchanged a few more messages since i posted, but nothing more that i can really read anything from!!

 

Doh!

 

Hoping to see her again soon, when maybe i can try and read her body language again and see if i can get anything from that!

[Shidoshi]

I think you should be very cautious with this one. She is definitely the "playa" in this situation, and if you allow her to behave this way toward you, you will most likely be hurt. I don't know about anyone else here but its pretty obvious to me YOU are not on her list of priorities, which is a good indication that her interest is not that high. There are many girls who love attention, and they will make you think they are into you by giving very mixed signals at times. Its like they give you enough to keep you around but nothing obvious so you're kind of kept at bay.

---45 minute pause---

 

 

Her - "sorry hun, was on the phone!!...Possibly already have a kinda date on Wednesday but not too sure. And yes i'm evil and won't tell you the news"

Her - "If he doesn't happen on Wednesday i'll let you know!!"

This speaks volumes about her level of interest in you. I think you probably know you are waaaay more into her than she is you. In those messages you also come off as being a little desperate because she doesn't even directly answer your questions unless you keep asking. You make suggestions to meet up and it seems like she could care less.

 

If you want to turn the tables on this girl you need to start ignoring her a little. Let her come up with plans to meet up. If she doesn't respond that will confirm that she just isn't all that into you. I happen to know a few girls like this, its more common than you think.

[eddie500]

Shidoshi, very good points indeed..

I really overlooked a lot here that you pointed out.

 

Very good point with your going to get hurt!

That rememided me of this girl who I guess I can consider a playa.. After we got intimate.. and I fell in love.. She kind of just keeps me at bay now..

I couldn't help falling in love.. And it really hurts . I do however understand her playa tactics.. and reasons why I fell for her, but it doesn't really matter. Now I've got a couple other girls lined up to take her place..

 

 

 

So yeah with a girl like this your just bound to get hurt in the long run, especially if you get a bit intimate and you fall deeply for her. These girls are not typical.. and make it difficult to get in any kind of long term relationship. They are not relationship material bascially.

These playa girls know how to use psychology that makes you really want them and than fall in love with them.. they just move on to another guy.

 

Shidoshi: would you agree that these playa girls are bad long term relationship material?

 

 

So hambo, your going to really have to turn into a playa yourself if you want to equalize the playing field. Good luck with that one.

[Shidoshi]

Eddie500

Now I've got a couple other girls lined up to take her place..

Excellent.

These playa girls know how to use psychology that makes you really want them and than fall in love with them.. they just move on to another guy.

Yes, same thing happened to me. Thats why I try to help these guys realize what they're getting into. In fact, I think the girl that did this to me routinely did this to others.

Shidoshi: would you agree that these playa girls are bad long term relationship material?

For the most part yes, but it could change depending on how good the current guy's "game" is. See, if I knew then, what I know now, I would've almost welcomed the challenge. I know how to respond to these types, and sometimes even turn their own game against them. The key is to establish things about yourself from the very start. Don't allow yourself to be disrespected IN ANY WAY, pay attention to her actions more than her words, and most importantly, don't give her the impression that she is all that you could ever want. Keep talking to other girls because if you don't you will get too comfortable with the one you have.

[p0w3RFuL]

wow talk about playin hard2get...

[Hambo]

Thanks for your comments guys.

 

The thing is, i KNOW this girl is not a playa. I also know that she hates the idea of guys who are playas.

 

However, i am also sensible enough to know you are probably right, and this is not going anywhere. Just a pity i pick up all the right signs from her in terms of body language and all that stuff.

 

And i still can't get past the phone thing - i've asked so many of my female friends, and they've ALL said there is no way they would pick up a guys phone and put a their number in unless they were interested in him.

 

That is the one sticking point in all this as far as i'm concerned!!

[eddie500]

For the most part yes, but it could change depending on how good the current guy's "game" is. See, if I knew then, what I know now, I would've almost welcomed the challenge. I know how to respond to these types, and sometimes even turn their own game against them. The key is to establish things about yourself from the very start. Don't allow yourself to be disrespected IN ANY WAY, pay attention to her actions more than her words, and most importantly, don't give her the impression that she is all that you could ever want. Keep talking to other girls because if you don't you will get too comfortable with the one you have.

 

Yeah you really have to beat them at their own game. With this girl that kind of played me.. I really tried to use game.. and I did until we started to get intimate. What I did was get to comfortable.. and to available..

As we are not finished.. she totally played me by not seeing me for a week for no good reason.. but after the week she writes me saying, I'm sorry I didn't have time for you.. kind of bull.. but interested girls don't wait a week to see you. She went away for a week.. so don't know how things will be when she gets back. But as I said I've lined up a few girls now that I'll be working on.. and I don't care as much for this girl.

[eddie500]

And i still can't get past the phone thing - i've asked so many of my female friends, and they've ALL said there is no way they would pick up a guys phone and put a their number in unless they were interested in him.

 

Still try with her, but don't put all your eggs into one basket.

[Hambo]

Still try with her, but don't put all your eggs into one basket.

 

Oh yeah i am kinda doing that anyway - i always keep my eye out for others, and will be quite happy to stay open to other people.

 

Its just that it's been a while since i 'clicked' with anyone like i do with her (regardless of whether there is any interest there).

 

People say to play them at their own game, but i know this is not a great idea - she already made it clear that she doesn't like the idea of a playa!!

 

PLus, as i said before, she isn't a playa anyway!! She just gets a lot of attention from guys cos she's attractive!!

 

Its like one of my other friends said - maybe she already had the date organised before i asked her?!? They also pointed out that she was very quick to make out that the she was really unsure about the date she had organised - she could have just said "i've got a date", but instead she makes out like its only sort of a date and she really isn't sure about it at all.

 

I know, i know - i'm over analysing!

[eddie500]

We all over analyse, I'm probably the king of it.

[Shidoshi]

The thing is, i KNOW this girl is not a playa.

Do you? Its not so much the label "playa" thats important, but her actions are that of someone who strings people along for HER benefit, not theirs. There is no specific criteria that ALL playas fall into. Hell you could be one if you lead a girl to believe you were interested when you trully aren't, or you're using her for reasons you may not even be aware of.

I also know that she hates the idea of guys who are playas.

Of course she does, what woman is going to say they like being "played" with.

And i still can't get past the phone thing - i've asked so many of my female friends, and they've ALL said there is no way they would pick up a guys phone and put a their number in unless they were interested in him.

This doesn't mean ANYTHING. Everybody isn't the same, I'm telling you from experience that its been done to me. Girl asks for my phone number, we talk, etc. She had no intention of taking things any further, but she continued to "tease" me because I sat there and took it like a chump. Feeding her ego.....

That is the one sticking point in all this as far as i'm concerned!!

Don't rely on this man, move on. I'm not saying to completely erase her, but you need to be more detached. Let her do some of the chasing if you want to find out where this is going. She already knows you like her, its very obvious to her you do.

People say to play them at their own game, but i know this is not a great idea - she already made it clear that she doesn't like the idea of a playa!!

As I said before, what woman does? Being careful and tactful about this doesn't make you a playa. YOU genuinely have an interest in her, but she isn't showing the same amount back. That means you have to take actions to SHOW HER that you're aren't some chump thats going to be waiting around for her, and you've got more important things going on in your life.

PLus, as i said before, she isn't a playa anyway!! She just gets a lot of attention from guys cos she's attractive!!

My friend, this is why she can do this soooo easily. How successful do you think an unattractive woman would be if she had a playa mentality? No one would care.....Right now you are just another dude who likes her and she knows full well what she is doing.

Its like one of my other friends said - maybe she already had the date organised before i asked her?!? They also pointed out that she was very quick to make out that the she was really unsure about the date she had organised - she could have just said "i've got a date", but instead she makes out like its only sort of a date and she really isn't sure about it at all.

Stop and think for a moment. Do you think she's thinking about you in this way? Wondering whether you like her, trying to interpret your signals, spending time thinking about you, not wanting to lose you? You need to place more value in yourself and stop thinking about all these signals. When a girl is interested, especially one that your on speaking terms with, YOU WILL KNOW!!!!