Her Ex turned up late last night

[ffd34]

Hey all,

 

Short back story, I met someone online, we game together. It's a strange relationship, but we have gotten rather close over the last 6 months of us spending a fair amount of time together.

 

We would not be considered 'in a relationship', but neither of us likes the idea of other people having our attention in the way of it being romantic. We have talked about that in the past.

 

She has told me that her ex, of whom used to live with her, and owns the house that she is currently renting off of him, are still friends, and on occassion, he turns up to the house.

 

Last night, we were talking on voice chat, and playing our game together, he turned up at 9pm (which imo is bloody late) and the reason she gave me was that he needed to pick up some tools that are locked in the shed.

Immediately after he 'left' (I have no way to know other than her word if he did leave), she did not return to the game, this is significant in the sense that she is very private about playing certain games, and would rather people did not know that she plays certain games.

 

Rather, what DID happen, was she was like overly affectionate - almost kind of like the type someone may do out of guilt, or concern that something is not ok. She did this via whatsapp messenger where we talk often. She was saying things like she is always thinking about me, and can't wait to book a flight to come see me.

 

However, the next day (today), she was really short in messages, no emoji's of hearts or the word 'babe' like she normally does.

Also, she told me "I don't think i will be online tonight on the game, i'm so tired" Now, I would like to be able to just take her word for this, and not worry, however, when you consider all the things I have said, it seems suspicious.

Suddenly her ex turns up to pick up tools at 9pm, and for the first time in about 3 months, she's not coming online.

 

Please if anyone can help me with their thoughts on this, or at least a good way to approach this with her, please tell me. I want to ask her, if I have anything to worry about with her ex. I don't know how to ask this without it being said the wrong way.

 

PS, I do not know why they broke up, nor who initiated the break up.

 

Thanks.

[Vastaux]

If you are not in a relationship then you really have no say on what she does and who with.

 

In fact, some might say her/your unwillingness to class yourselves as in a relationship is to give yourselves options.

 

The thing that I would do is forget about what happened with her ex, you don't have a right to question whether you have anything to worry about if you're not actually together.

 

So that's your first step.

 

Forget the game for a few hours, get on Skype, face to face, and tell her how you feel. And you want to be in a relationship with her. Her response will tell you all you need to know.

[ffd34]

good point.

 

It's actually a really weird 'kind of' relationship thing we are in. But I will take your advice, and ask her if she is interested in something more than our, strange, involved, yet unofficial realationship as it lies.

[MissCanuck]

No, you don't have any right to ask her about her ex. She isn't your girlfriend and she is a free agent. So are you.

 

Why has this friendship not gone further? Who is resisting actually dating?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like this is not an "ex" and she secretly plays online games with you. It would be best to find other players.

[ffd34]

No, you don't have any right to ask her about her ex. She isn't your girlfriend and she is a free agent. So are you.

 

Why has this friendship not gone further? Who is resisting actually dating?

 

To answer this, I agree with you in it's more generalised respect, but I should have explained this a little better. Several times, she has queried me about the other women that come up in conversations to do with my life. So it would be considered a double standard for me to not be able to ask her the same sorts of things, she has asked me quote her 'who is this girl, do I need to worry about her?'

 

The friendship has not progressed to something more official since, I had asked her if she was interested in being exclusive to each other despite the fact we have not met in person yet. She would rather wait until we have met in person, (her words) so, it's her that seems to want to wait moreso than me, although I do agree with her idea of us meeting first, it just makes sense.

 

This LDR, is hard to navigate. It's brutal, confusing and despite all this, her and I have a lot of similarities and compatibility. I understand a lot of people tend to turn their noses up at the ideal of this kind of relationship being successful, however, it's not easy to turn feelings 'off' regardless of the challenges you face with them.

 

I've been told that she loves me, I've been told that she doesn't like other women having my attention, she is someone who finds it hard to express her feelings, but has done.

It's not some stupid little crush that is happening here. We have talked about one of us moving if it is right after we have met.

 

I will say, that it is definitely hard to know what is going on here, yet I can't ask, and if I do, it crosses a socially accepted boundary. Also, if I do ask, it makes me seem insecure, which is unattractive. The frustrating thing for me right now is, what if Wiseman2 is correct? I'm here having these feelings for someone who has no intention of taking this seriously. So, I can't ask, and I can't tell from here. Not much fun to be honest.

 

But I do appreciate the response. I'm literally going out of my mind, since i AM actually turning other potentials away for this girl. I feel that it would be morally incorrect for me to be pursing others, or sleeping with other people at this stage. I'm probably wrong to do this, but I know she would be heartbroken if she were to find out I had done so.

[ffd34]

sorry to necro my own thread here, but felt an update couldn't hurt:

 

I was told by her tonight, that the ex is moving back in with her, to help renovate his home. I asked her if she still has feelings for her ex, and who would initiate any potential thing again - and she said 'i'm not going to lie, i'll always have feelings for him, but i wouldn't be the one to initiate' .

 

Furthermore, decides to say ' Please don't delete me from your life, I just like knowing you're there, i promise im not saying this to string you along, but i am in love with you'

 

I mean, holy balls. She is telling me about her ex moving back in, of whom she still has feelings for, and has the audacity to even lay that on me, that she's in love with me. Just to keep me there I assume.

 

Well, I ended it. I know its the right thing to do. I feel stupid and used. Like a rebound.

 

Thanks to Wiseman2, you were correct. Your avatar name is right.