Befriending ex who was my best friend?

[Foreveralone85]

My ex-gf of 4 years who broke up with me 4 months ago was my very best friend in the world. We shared common interests (both activities and food) that I don't share with any of my other friends and the reverse is true. She broke my heart when she told me she had fallen out of love with me. We were living together at the time and had a less-than-amicable although not quite nasty breakup over the course of the following month, and we have been NC for the last 3 months. Having had time to process and think about things, I realized she was right for the most part. We had become more best friends who cuddled and had sex, rather than the intense love that we had for each other in the first year or so of the relationship.

 

I'm mostly healed and over losing her as a romantic partner. But I am NOT over losing my best friend, and I don't know if I ever will be. Nobody, including my parents, knows more about me than her and vice versa. I miss all of our inside jokes. I miss talking and confiding to her about my problems in life. I can talk with my parents but it's not the same. I can talk with my guy friends but it's not the same. Nobody knows me like she did and nobody knew the right things to say to make me feel better like she did.

 

I want to reach out to her, not in hopes of a romantic reconciliation, but I want to get my best friend back. Has anyone successfully stayed really close to their ex after breaking up after a LTR or is this just a pipe dream? I just can't imagine not having her in my life for the rest of my life. I just feels so empty when that thought crosses my mind.

[gebaird]

It's hard to make something like this work, especially when you both start dating other people. In general, talking with an ex is something your partner and hers won't appreciate -- even if you are best friends.

 

After a breakup, it's common to believe you'll never find someone like the person you lost. It's true, to a degree, but that doesn't mean you can't create a new connection with someone else that's just as wonderful. Give yourself time to work through you grief.

 

By the way, expecting the same intensity during year three that you had during year one is a recipe for disappointment.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Did you move out? It's not your fault the infatuation high wore off.

 

Since this was a nasty breakup, stay no contact. What were the arguments about?

We were living together. We had become more best friends who cuddled and had sex, rather than the intense love that we had for each other in the first year or so

[Foreveralone85]

She moved out. The arguments were about little stuff but I think it added up to something more to her and she just slowly fell out of love. I'm actually OK with that, but there's just so many things I loved doing with her beyond intimacy that it makes me very sad when I think about it because I don't have anyone else to do those shared activities with.