Trying to recover friendship

[ArcadianX]

I went too far in trying to get a relationship going with a friend of mine. I was stupid and couldn't accept it so kept on being pushy about it as though that would help - it seemed like not such a bad thing because of complications, but in the end she said it was just me, that I wasn't right for her. She also told me to do whatever I had to do to get over her. I've taken a few lessons from this for the future, but now I'm having a tough time figuring out what to do.

 

We had a discussion on Monday about all of this and before we parted we said that we'd hang out during the day on Friday, because she was off, and that she'd call me about it during the week to arrange something. She never called, and apparently made a different plan for Friday morning at some point. We IM'd Friday night and I asked her why she didn't call, and whether she'd even wanted to hang out in the first place. She said that she had wanted to spend the time and was sorry; that she'd basically screwed up and gotten lazy about arranging it. Neither of us suggested a future time to spend together.

 

The thing that confused me is that, during the afternoon, she called a college club that we both hang out in looking for me. I wasn't there, so of course she didn't find me, and I didn't have a cellphone (just got one yesterday). She wouldn't have called my house, either, since I leave AIM set to away all day when I'm out. If there was anyplace she'd be able to call to find me, that would have been the place, and she did.

 

Without that one call, I'd say, okay, fine, she's blowing me off and it's going to take me four or five months just to get into her good graces again, if I even want to try. A friend of mine, though, suggested that she might have expected me to call all that time (which I had before), been disappointed when I didn't, then tried to find me after the fact - that, in fact, maybe she felt something now that there was a threat of losing me. We almost always had fun together and really trusted each other a lot.

 

I'd like to be her friend again, but if she does have feelings for me now that she might lose me entirely, then I don't want to discourage that either. What should I do?

[heloladies21]

Well if you do have feelings for this girl, I would say that being friends with her would be a horrible idea for you. I can't imagine the frustration of having to consistently meet with a person and holding back romantic feelings. It's gotta kill you inside. You did nothing wrong by trying to be romantic with this girl and don't let anyone including yourself give you a guilty conscience aout it. Being pushy is never a good idea, but giving up and cuting contact might have been a better chioce.

 

You've let her know that you see her in a romantic way. If she decides that it's something she wants to persue with you, she'll let you know. But don't hang out with this girl as friends and "try to get her in good graces". You didn't do anything wrong that you need to make up to her. As a matter of fact, she's probably ruining the time of her life by not getting with you. Let her apologize to herself. Be civil when you see or talk to her, but be busy. If she calls or types or chance meeting, give her 5 minutes of small talk then discontinue the conversation. See if she starts to chase you. And if she ever says she wants to be friends again, tell her she can find plenty of those in girl scouts (tell her that's something you're just not interested in).

 

And go hit on a ton of other women. There are quite a few around if care to notice and they might be willing to give you the happiness that you deserve.

[justsweetgirl]

I spent so much time in my previous relationship overanalyzing phone calls or their absense. All I can say is, it shouldn't be this difficult.

[ArcadianX]

Well, what I eventually did today was to call her just to let her know about the new cellphone number - and to tell her to call me if she wanted to hang out some time. Who knows what'll happen.

[ChrisR]

@heloladies21: I liked your answer, it helped