My gf keeps reaching out . Confused ! :s

[Billyp89]

Hey everyone !

 

My Ex of 2 and a bit years broke up with me around Christmas time, Due to the fact we was just not getting on for the last few months. we kept arguing .. i became jealous and paranoid and become needy due to fact of i could see it slipping away, and even said some nasty stuff when we argued jus because she never believed what ever i said. which got very frustrating

 

She was crying her eyes out (as girls do) saying she loves me but just doesn't know what else to do and that we both wasn't happy anymore ..

 

According to her and her family and friends i have been the first guy she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with and was always talking about marriage and having kids.

 

After we broke up around mid december time , we still was in contact daily and was still seeing each other all the time . ( as she believed we would get back together and she just needed time to forgot everything.

 

i became needy and kept brining things up which obviously pushed her away more . We stopped seeing each other around mid january.

 

Contact was still there and the usual on and off chit chat was still happening but she didn't want to meet up with me because she knew i would bring something up..

 

any way cut along story short it is now march and at least once a week she reaches out to me ...

 

The latest examples are : Around 3 weeks ago , she went on holiday to a place in spain we have been together on a few holidays . She rang me and asked if i have blocked her phone number because she was trying to FaceTime me . I explained i have switched phones . anyway we was chatting for a while and she then proceeded to snapchat me a few times showing me her hotel etc.. The next day i contacted her ( i know i shouldn't of but i couldn't resist anyway everything was fine and exchanged a few snaps .

 

the end of that week on the friday she was coming back from the air port according to her snapchat and i was up at my local boxing club which i had also snap chatted and she had vowed my snap . It was about half 8 and she came straight from the airport and turned up at my club.

 

as i was working out i noticed her walking by a few times but i didn't turn to say hello or anything i just kept doing my thing..

 

when i was coming downstairs to go and leave the club i could hear her shout by Billy but i was already out the door so didn't walk back into say by . we was messaging that night and she said to me that she thought i would of come and said hello to her ..

 

i explained the opportunity didn't arrive to talk and that i thought she would of stopped to say hi ( bad move ) she then got angry and said she doesn't always have to do everything . That was that ..

 

the following week we was snap chatting everything was fine then out of know where she said " it really s me off but every time i speak to you , you just don't seem yourself " then she said I'm not being horrible I'm just checking that your ok. i explained I'm ok just going through the journey of life and i well get there .. she said the usual i am always here if you need a chat etc .. like an idiot i said it would be nice to see you and she said when your back to your normal self i will think about it .. because at the moment when ever we talk it makes me sad because your so unlike yourself .

 

just under a week later i check my phone and i had 3 missed calls , i was at work so didn't answer then i saw there was 5 missed calls . so i txt her just to check everything was ok . i said " is everything ok i am at work . she asked what time i fisnihed and then said well i had some stuff to give you but because you didn't answer i left it outside your back door she then said that i usually answer when I'm at work: i just played it off and said thanks for dropping of my stuff. ( which ended up to be just a duffle bag) she then replied with "Hows the new girl at work lol " My ex used to work with me so she still keeps in contact with some people in my work place .. i replied she seems ok a good worker but quite young. she then said " oh i have found some more stuff of yours i will drop it by later , i asked what it was and she said some shoes so i told her to bin it ( as i don't know if i could face seeing her) she replied they are nice tho and you haven't worn them much ... I replied its fine i haven't missed them so throw them she said its a waste but ok .. I never replied back ... That evening about 10pm i get a message from her asking if i got my stuff ok i kept its short and said yes i did thank you , she then went on to make further convo ..i txt back a couple of times but then left it .... just under a week later ( Yesterday ) i was in the pub with my cousin and i get a txt from her , it was her sending me a video of me singing ( badly ) and jokingly to a gospel song in her kitchen .. and she said was just going through my and i found this and i thought you should have it. i pend it but didn't reply straight away she the txt back saying " Ok ignore me then " i said sorry was busy and haha i love the video. she said "haha it did make me laugh".. i said i was jamming to this tune earlier and she said haha somethings never change .. i put a smiley face to end the convo and she didn't reply back ..

 

 

Basically she has reached out a lot more before all this but thought i would give the recents ..

 

bare in mind before this i explained to her to please not reach out to me , as i love you and i am not interested in being friends with you .. i said there for there is no reason to talk .. she agreed but has obviously still continued to reach out .. Also she was never a snap chatter but when i started posting lots of snapchat stories so did she .. and when i stopped she stopped to .. its like a game or something.

 

I really love this woman and is the first woman to really route for me and felt like i ed things up with my jealousy and neediness etc and was selfish according to her . which i probably was this was my first long term relationship so probably couldn't give much although she still tells me I'm an amazing man and the best guy she has ever met.

 

I just want a second chance . which was the plan at first but obvisuoly over pursuing didn't help my case.. Im trying to focus on my self but then she reaches out and i feel lie I'm back square one again.

 

Im not sure why she bothers reaching out to me if she doesn't want a relationship ..

 

Sorry for the essay people .. Just a confused dude looking for guidance .

 

 

Many thanks .

[Billyp89]

Wow sorry about the spelling mistakes people .. my MacBook keys are not responding very well.

[jujusamples]

I'm going to be straight up with you. You found ENA, and you haven't seen any NO CONTACT threads?

 

You can not keep in contact with an ex after a breakup. You are doing more damage than good. I get it you love this woman but you two sound like you are 15 years old. Are you?

 

If you continue this unhealthy cycle and hope for a second chance. Even if you two get back together, in a matter of time, you will end up in a worst position. It's not going to last.

 

You asked her to not contact you after the breakup because you are not interested in being friends. She has no respect for you and continue to contact you. Just that one example alone tells me this relationship isn't going to work. First, communications is not there (she's not hearing what you said) second, the respect is not there.

 

She was the one that broke up with you, why does she feel the need to keep talking to you? Why would you want to continue with a woman whom is not only acting like a child, but has left you? Do you want to be back together to be a doormat? I mean that in the nicest way I could think of. She's not doing anything to show that she cares for you. If she did, she would have left you alone and let you heal. She wouldn't play all these silly little games of "oh I have to drop off your stuff", Oh, have you seen that video. It just absolutely silly!

 

My advice is to go no contact. Completely, until you get over her. You need to heal and get over her. I know, I get it, but you love her. There's nothing you could do. She dumped you and start to play mind games with you after the breakup. Not a good sign. You can continue to enable this behavior, but it's not going to do you any good. Hence, your self-esteem is going to be shot if you keep this up any longer.

[Billyp89]

Yeah I understand.. thanks for being straight up I like that ! Totally makes sense what you are saying .

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened but you can't tell her 'don't contact me', yet take her calls be on social media etc. that in itself is friendzoning you. Go no contact and block her.

 

She needs to miss you and needs firm confirmation that it's reconciling not here and there chats.

 

What was the breakup about? She sounds immature, how old is she?

bare in mind before this i explained to her to please not reach out to me , as i love you and i am not interested in being friends with you ..

[Billyp89]

She is 24 , yes your right I suppose just so hard . Well basically because we just wasn't getting along , wasn't really understanding each other in the end .. she also said she's not sure if she can put up with how I am sometimes ! She was a good woman and supported me through everything .. and I feel like I didn't give enough that's the hard part .. but I have learnt so much and know a lot more about myself then I ever have .. just sucks how it ended up .

[SooSad33]

She broke up with you...... Could be that she's just trying to be 'nice', since she did the dirty deed (BU).

 

Thing is.. is you need down time away from her.. and maybe tell her that, so you can work on yourself.. heal etc.

 

And for all the reasons's this BU occured, i suggest you focus on all that and work on how to correct them... so it won't again affect a future relationship.

 

Life is about learning- and since you know what the issue's were, it's for YOU to work on them.

 

Even consider some therapy..

[jujusamples]

She is 24 , yes your right I suppose just so hard . Well basically because we just wasn't getting along , wasn't really understanding each other in the end .. she also said she's not sure if she can put up with how I am sometimes ! She was a good woman and supported me through everything .. and I feel like I didn't give enough that's the hard part .. but I have learnt so much and know a lot more about myself then I ever have .. just sucks how it ended up .

 

Guilt is an emotion that we feel after a breakup, it's normal, it's just a process. I see a lot of guilt on your part because I'm pretty sure she was a nice person and treated you well. The bottom line is, you two did not get along too well and the relationship came to an end. She made the choice to end it. You need time to heal. I know this sounds like a broken record but No Contact is the best way to go about it.

[Billyp89]

Yeah your right . Thanks for help everyone