i find it hard to let him go

[kirsten]

my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. i applied the no contact rule but it was so hard because we work in the same area, i always see him everyday. in the 1st month he kept seeing me, talking nonsense things. he keeps doing this after i told him we should avoid each other and he should give me time to move on. there are days that he avoids me too but there are days that he keeps coming and with an excuse of asking me or telling me issues at work. i kept avoiding him and ignoring him since i told him, we mustn't talk. until now, sometimes, he would see me and do nice things for me. i asked him what's his intentions but he never answers, one time he tells me he was doing it before for me. i'm so upset that i cry every night. i keep telling myself not to overthink and just move on but half of me cannot accept reality. i don't know what to do. i don't want to confront him if he wants to comeback because it should be him to realize this. i'm confused and broken.

[Keyman]

I know this is a hard time for you, but he is very likely going through the same thing. He is likely struggling to stay away from you too, wanting to talk to you and do things for you to make himself feel somewhat good about the breakup.

 

M

 

Just keep telling him you can't talk to him, run into him, it hurts too much. Keep talking to us, there's someone here that will be willing to help.

[No1]

Next time you cry over your X, ask yourself if this is how you want to feel? From what you posted, it sounds like that you are waiting for him to make the moves rather than you taking charge of your feelings. I know its hard to let an X go and you are hurting and it sucks to see your X every day. At some point you are going to have to stand up and find the strength to say no more and take charge of your feelings and happiness.

 

I think that you should admit that it is over and let the relationship go. Now this doesnt mean you can never talk to your X, it means you let go the romantic and emotional side of the relationship. You two can be co-workers, just not co-workers that are involved. This also does not mean you have to ignore, avoid, and eliminate him from your life all together because I can tell you that doing all that takes a lot of mental effort. Constantly seeking your X, trying to avoid, thinking what you wont say and what you will say if he says anything and how you walk, talk, dress is so tiring and takes up too much energy.

 

Try this.... Tell yourself that you deserve more, you deserve better and you will find better and you will be happy again, and take control of your happiness. When it comes to work, just be you. Walk where you want to go, if your X is in the same area.. so what, and pretty soon, when you are happy, you wont care. Youll be just fine.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

 

Ignore and avoid him. Keep conversations polite, about work only and brief. Do not engage in this conversation 6771296] i asked him what's his intentions but he never answers.

[kirsten]

we were almost 2years. he broke up with me 2 weeks before our anniversary. he said he cannot handle my past. all reasons was because of me. i cannot ask him to fix us, how can we fix my past, he has to accept it. that's why i feel so helpless. all i do is cry and struggle everyday. he was acting as if nothing happened. we have hindrances in terms of our culture and religion. it was devastating because i cannot do anything.

[kirsten]

thank you for your advice. i actually don't know how to behave everyday. this helps me a lot. i've been reading articles about how to handle things. i have been bothering my friend who's so busy with work too. so, i finally decided to post my problem here, though it took me a month to do so.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, you are correct. He knew your past, religion, culture, etc when you started dating, right? So using that as a breakup excuse is quite lame and cowardly, no? Ignore him and cease any outside of work contact. Is he scheduled for an arranged marriage and using women until then?

we were almost 2years. he said he cannot handle my past. how can we fix my past, he has to accept it.we have hindrances in terms of our culture and religion.

[kirsten]

actually, we never have physical contact. we agreed we'll wait and no, he hasn't seen anyone else nor arranged before and now. he knew everything before we started. that is why i was confused with his reasons. when i told him i accepted his decision, he said he was sorry it was his fault. i gave him the distance and space so he and i can move on. but he just keep doing things he was used to. i talked to him politely everytime, telling him i don't want to be friends with him.

[No1]

Kirsten... could it be that he wanted out of the relationship and used any excuse that he could find? If your past and such was such an issue then why did he date you? It wasnt an issue before. I think it was an excuse..

 

It was nothing you did wrong and nothing you could change. You are right in believing that there is nothing you can change, but I think you are carrying a cross in believing it was your fault. It is not your fault. He simply didnt want to be in a relationship with you any more.

 

Healing from a break up is a mindset and simplicity. You are going to be happy again, and he just didnt want to date you any longer. No fault or blame to go around.

[kirsten]

i see it this way too, that's why i didn't run after him or beg him. i don't want him to feel trapped in our relationship. i just find it hard to let go, most especially he keeps showing up and showing he still cares. like keyman's advice, he is having a hard time too. but it is so painful. i don't even know now why but i just can't stop crying he walked away.

[kirsten]

i end up crying again today. he approached this morning at work, asking for something (work related). he does this every time we haven't spoken to each other for a day or 2. it's like he's taunting me or maybe an ego boost for him. i'm so upset, seeing his eyes cold and distant. i don't know if i should talk to him tomorrow and tell him he should stop talking to me. i feel like every time i took 1 small step to moving on, he'll show up. reminding me not too. i can see he doesn't have plans to comeback but my mind kept thinking otherwise.