Cheated on and so confused.

[BB100192]

I recently started dating someone I dated over 10 years ago. We broke up but then ran into each other again and things just kind of fell into place. Well we have been dating again for almost 6 months but he lives on the other side of the country. So the past two months have been me flying out to see him for a week and then mostly facetime chats and phone calls. We have talked about marriage and our future together and where we will be in the next year or so. Well he calls me one night on FaceTime and says he has to tell me something Bc he can't feel like he's doing our relationship justice if he's lying to me about things. He told me that he cheated on me twice when we first started seeing each other again. We weren't really "exclusive" but I made it known I wasn't seeing anyone else and he did as well. Both times were one night stands. I was initially hurt but as the details came out, I have been even more hurt and confused and don't know what to do. Alcohol was involved both times. Once while he was in NY visiting a friend and the other was in CA for a business meeting. That time is the one I'm struggling with the most. He was out with coworkers and somehow we got in a small disagreement, I thought we handled it and I went to bed Bc it was late due to the time diffeeence. He was frustrated I wasn't responding and drank more and says he blacked out. He told me that he met an older woman and she introduced him to her friends and he went home with all 3 of them and had sex with them all that night. I was disgusted because he proceeded to tell me that all of them were married and just looking for a good time. And he stayed the night with them. I'm just so hurt by that and feel like I can never compare to them and what they gave him sexually and that I'm always going to worry about it when being intimate with him. Has anyone ever had this happen? What did you do? How did you feel? I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him Bc I love him and want to be with him but I just don't know how to get over this. He says that we were in such a different place when we first started seeing each other and he hates himself for it and that's why he had to tell me. But I just don't know how you ever fully trust someone like that again. Any opinions or advice are welcome.

[Wiseman2]

There are so many red flag here in just 6 short mos. LDR. Chronic cheating. Talking marriage. Drinking too much. Blames you for the cheating. You could have been exposed to stds.

 

You may want to cut your loses rather than look over your shoulder constantly worrying. What you know is the tip of the iceberg.

Why did he give you all the gory details?

He told me that he cheated on me twice when we first started seeing each other again. We weren't really "exclusive" but I made it known I wasn't seeing anyone else and he did as well. we got in a small disagreement. He was frustrated I wasn't responding and drank more and says he blacked out. He told me that he met an older woman and she introduced him to her friends and he went home with all 3 of them and had sex with them all that night.