Please help I don't know what to do !!!!

[christy67]

My best friend has a man that lives with her and they plan on getting married but he treats her like sh**!!! She can't go nowere, talk to noone, he even took her cell phone away! She can't have no friends over and once a few nights ago he got into a drunk rage and slapped her and tore he whole room up! its a bad mess...... He yells at her and he is just awful to her.....He is so jealous too, she can't even talk to women over the phone. This is ruinig her whole youth because she is only 14, she is too young to be trapped like this, she can't go to dances (not even school dances), she can't go to the movies, go to slumber parties....even thing you think of thats fun for a young girl....SHE CAN'T DO!!! She claims that he hasn't hit her any other than that one night when he got drunk, but I think he does and she just won't admit it and if he don't then it'll soon led into that!!! She is also....maybe....pregant by him so im worried he'll abuse the baby if she is, she claims she loves him but I can see deep inside that she just wants to live......I don't know what to do or how to stand up to him because im the only friend her boyfriend lets come over for some reason!!! And if I make him hate me or anything then'll all her rights will be taken away(well the LITTLE rights she still has) and she won't have noone to come over or anything! Please someone help me and tell me what I should do. No young girl should be slaved like this!!! Aslo may I add that he tends to flirt with me sometimes, and leave the house without telling anyone were he is going and when my friend even looks at a guy or ask to go somewere he snaps and gets angry...like its alright for him to play around and not her thats not right! So what should I do or say?

[Hope75]

Hi Christy,

 

First of all, you should be proud of yourself for recognizing that you friend is in a tough situation and reaching out to try and help her.

 

OK, so she is 14...where are her parents? Where is she? (meaning what state/country) How old is the guy, and why is he living with her?

 

Depending on his age, this could be a legal issue. (statutory rape).

 

Your friend is in serious trouble. You were right to recognize these signs as a dangerous and that this could become much worse before it gets any better, meaning she takes action.

 

Has your friend indicated to you if she wants to leave him? From what you've said I don't see that she is ready to do that, but if you can talk to her and see how she feels, maybe she can get up the courage to leave on her own.

 

The problem is that if she confides in her bf that you've tried to talk to her about leaving, than you too may not be allowed to her.

 

What this guy is doing could be false imprisonment. Does your friend go to school? She could talk to a teacher or school counselor about this as well, if she does want to get out.

 

The first thing is if her parents are around, care about her, and are unaware of the situation is to get them involved. She is 14, and in all states she is still a minor and they are responsible for her.

 

Having said that I question the parents' involvement, since she at age 14 is living with this guy....

 

If the parents are not around and the guy is over 18, you can make an anonymous call to the police and report that he is living with her, having sex with her (if she is pregnant DNA can prove if he is or not) and abusing her. Hopefully they will take some action.

 

But please, if your friend does not take action, it could be because she is in way over her head, and afraid to leave him.

 

I don't know how old you are, but if you are her age, can you talk to your parents about this? They may be able to help too. If not, place that call to the police.

 

Good luck, and let us know what happens.

[Hope75]

I just checked for you, 16 is the legal age of consent in Georgia. If your friend's BF is over the age of 16, he is committing statutory rape.

 

Georgia law describes statutory rape as ``sexual intercourse with any person under the age of 16 and

not his or her spouse.'' The maximum sentence is 20 years in prison

[jaiva]

You've stated that this is a man and your friend is 14 years old, but you didn't mention her parents. Where are her parents in this situation and why isn't she living with them? This man can be charged with statutory rape b/c she is a child.

 

Even if he's never hit her yet all of his actions up to this point prove that physical abuse will be his next step. Your friend needs to get out of this relationship, pregnant or not.

 

Have you informed your parents/guardians about this situation? You can call the police/311 or a school counselor and ask what you should do in a situation like this, b/c this is something serious.

 

Hope I helped!

 

Jaiva

[christy67]

Ok thanx for the advice! He is 18 and her parents live there, yes they care and yes they do see what he does....well i think they care, her dad is a bad drunk and her mom in a known sl*t.....she has a ton of brothers and one little sister...My friend says she loves him and I don't think she wants to leave him but she wishes he'd let her do things and I can tell in her eyes that she does want out but she hasn't convenced herself that she does need out

[jaiva]

Like I said earlier call 311 and tell them the situation. You can remain anonymous so the BF won't know that it was you who called.

 

Jaiva

[christy67]

ok but what'll i say to my friend she'll cry and cry and cry and cry and she might do something crazy like hurt herself or something shes convenced she loves him but i dunno

[Hope75]

Hi Christy,

 

OK so if her parents are aware and still letting it happen there are a couple of things you can do.

 

You can call the police and let them know what's going on. You don't have to leave your name if you don't want to, but at least they can go and check up on her family/situation and see if your report is valid.

 

Another thing you could do is contact Social Services and file a report with them, or have you parents call and file a report. Do you feel comfortable letting your parents know what is going on? If you do, I think they could be a tremendous source of help for you here, since this is alot for you to take on.

 

Good luck!

[christy67]

Ok thank you both of you! You helped so much more than you'll ever know!!!!

[Hope75]

So........

 

what are you thinking you are going to do?

[christy67]

Talk to my momma and see if her ideas are similar or something

[jaiva]

If she doest threaten to kill herself you could call a hotline.

 

Here is a website that you can check out for suicide or crisis help.

 

link removed

 

Hope I helped!

 

Jaiva

[christy67]

Ok thanx i'll do something about all this Thanx a dozen

[Hope75]

Good idea to get your mom involved too, and please let us know what happens.

[christy67]

I'll give every detail may I have your e-mail to send it to you or do you just want me to tell you on here?

[Hope75]

You can just put it on here, that would be be fine, if you don't want all the details you can PM me too.

 

Good luck!