I have no idea what to do

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So both she and I are in the army, we met a few months ago while both temporarily at the same base for different reasons, although we are both permanently going back to the same one. We went out one weekend and immediately hit it off. Due to our situation it was hard to see each other more than a couple hours on the weekend, and there was no way to be more than hugs, and maybe a kiss here and there. She was extremely into me, and was very blatant about how she felt about me. I stayed distant, and she kept saying she wanted a serious relationship with me and that she was "all-in". I told her I needed time to think about it, after another two weeks I told her I wanted the same thing, and she was ecstatic.

Almost immediately after that, however, she started to grow distant and took longer too text back and never wanted to talk on the phone or see me as much as she had before that. I started to grow clingy and almost desperate, which I know is a mistake, but I didn't realize that at the time. After a week and a half of not seeing each other for various reasons, we were able to spend one Saturday together, which went well, and the next day we were going to hangout. however that morning she just started blowing off my texts, which just irritated me. I ended up running into her at the store(only one on the base) with her friends, and she hardly acknowledged me. Anyways, ended up turning into a huge text argument, due to the fact she doesn't want to talk over the phone. We ended up talking on the phone the next day and got everything figured out. I became a lot less clingy, and distanced myself more, which she noticed. I left a few days later to go back to our permanent base. We stayed in contact over text the next two weeks, with her texting me every morning. She doesn't talk to me the same way she used to though, with no cute names or whatever, and it feels like I'm just talking to a friend sometimes. Over this time she started telling me she was extremely depressed for various reasons, but wouldn't elaborate a lot. I of course tried helping her however I could (I've struggled with depression for years) but I was always wary of becoming overbearing. I made sure flowers were delivered to her on Valentines, and she sent me a flurry of text messages about how much she loved them and how much she liked me, but once again not even a phone call. She called me crying a couple times, but never for longer than a couple minutes, and the rest of the day would just be texting again. She finally left the base we met at, but has a school for a couple weeks at a base not too far from where I am(which is where she is coming to next).

A while ago I had offered to come visit her on her first weekend there, and she was overjoyed. I made the 6 1/2 hour drive up, and saw her on Saturday and part of Sunday. Saturday went well initially, although I ended up getting frustrated because everything I had planned for us fell through for various reasons. We still had a good time although we were both stressed out for different reasons, which took away from it all, and it seemed like she was more interested in her phone than anything else. We did have sex a few times throughout the day Saturday (first time we have together). I ended up seeing on Saturday night that she still had "tinder" installed on her phone and I confronted her about it Sunday, and she said she doesn't use it. I do know shes opened it, but I cant say for sure if shes been using it. When I told her I wanted her to delete it she immediately got angry, and tried telling me that it was no big deal and that "this conversation is extra stress she doesn't need in her life right now". I told her that it wasn't and unreasonable thing to ask at all, and she ended up storming off. We talked but she refused to discuss it further and ended up trying to tell me that I was "too much sometimes" and that I was worrying about nothing. I have been clingy in the past as I had stated earlier, but I changed that around as soon as I realized what I was doing. Anyways, the rest of the day was tense, but when it came to say goodbye she cried and was all over me.

 

She's said multiple times that she still sees us together, wants me, and wants to make things work. We've been "together" for about 3 1/2 months now. I just don't understand any of this, and I've never had much luck with relationships for various reasons. I think the biggest issue is that we both jumped into something and committed when neither of us was in a stable situation, and that I'm a very open and figure talking is the best way to fix things, where she is more reserved.

 

I know that I definitely caused issues when I got clingy. I also know that the school she is currently at is stressing her a lot, and that she has a lot of family issues going on. I fell really hard for this girl and I still care for her deeply, but I'm ready to just give up and call it because I'm putting so much into it, and it doesn't seem like I'm getting much in return. I just want other peoples opinions before I do anything. (Oh and we're both mid-twenties if anyone feels that's relevant.)

Thanks, S

[Wiseman2]

Ok just dial it back a bit for some breathing room. Text moderately, don't panic or get clingy or jealous, etc. Just offer to see each other when you can and try to pace yourself and keep things on an even keel.

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Yup! That's what I've been doing, focusing on my own life more and keeping myself busy. Thanks!