I need advice

[Notfeelinglike]

Me and my boyfriend has been living together for over 2 years. Lately things are changing. In 2016, we both went through financial rough patches. 2017 has been better as far as finances, but things still are different. He recently told me he needs space, because he wants to focus on getting a better job and going to school. He wants us both to save money and mentions that he wants to buy a house. He also thinks I should move out, at the end of february. I don't know why he needs space to do what he needs to do, when I can help him with the process and am more than willing to help all that I can because he has done the same for me. I love this man with all my heart but I think the reasonings he is given me is bull. I'm starting to suspect that he is cheating on me because he is going out more and keeps his phone on him at all times and gets nervous when it rings while i'm around. I don't know what to do with myself at this point. I feel like im losing my mind. We're not fighting and he's still very loving which is another reason why I can't just accept him wanting me to move out. When he brung it up, we both got very emotional to the point where we held each other and cried all night. This is why I dont want to believe that he's cheating on me but i'm starting to think he wants to be with someone else. I know this may seem like im jumping all over the place, but my mind and thoughts are all in shambles. Im under a tremendous amount of stress, I just started a new job and I have not talked to any of my family or friends about this yet. I think I just want to believe that things will change by the end of the month and everything will be ok.

[Inner Fire]

When you're in a committed relationship like that, space can be necessary but not so much space that you're moving out. There are ways you can still live with each other and give each other more space - one person spends time in the living room and the other the bedroom while they get work/school work done for a certain amount of hours per day. Telling you to move out is too much - it would maybe be okay in a less committed relationship but when you've been with someone it just doesn't make sense. Something else is going on, but him cheating isn't the only option. I would suggest to him that you try the 'space but still living with each other thing' and if he isn't even willing to try to something is really up.

[jujusamples]

I'm not sure how to give you advice on this because it's not really adding up. He wants to save money but yet he wants you to move out by February? Yes, it's sounds like he's just making up excuses. For whatever reasons he wants you to move out, only your boyfriend truly knows the answer to that. I know this isn't what you want to hear but you would have to respect his decision. If it's his place you are staying at than, I'll focus on looking for a place to live since there is only 2 weeks left of February.

 

I had a friend whom her boyfriend said the same thing to her on how he needed space and she should move out. Well she bagged, cried and refuse to move. So he just let her stay, but you know what, he started loosing all respect for her. They are together but the relationship isn't healthy. I wont' get into it, but fast forward 6 years down the road, things only got worst for them. Nothing has changed, she's still clingy on to him hoping for a proposal. The moral to the story is, you could sit there and wait until the end of the month in hopes that things will change or you do something about it. The problem is not going to go away by doing nothing.

 

Point is, I'd have one last serious chat with your boyfriend. Ask him, is that what he really wants? If so, you need to start looking for a place to live. Sometimes you need to take 2 steps back to take a step forward. I know it's hard to understand at the moment because your mind is all over the place wondering why this is happening. You just have to ask your boyfriend. Whatever he tells you, you either trust him or you don't. A good relationship has a lot to do with trust, so that will tell you something if you don't trust his words. He didn't say he wants to break up, he said he just need space to himself. Not sure about the cheating thing, I wouldn't jump conclusions. I honestly think maybe he's just not ready to live together. You could try asking him if he still wants this relationship. You two just need to communicate and work on your trust issues.

[Notfeelinglike]

Thank you for your advice!

[MissCanuck]

I think you should brace yourself for a break-up, OP.

 

Asking you to move out but still be a couple is arse-backwards. His reasoning doesn't add up. He wants to save money, so he's essentially giving you the boot? I assume you share some expenses at the moment, so I fail to see how this will save him money.

 

Needing space and alone time is one thing. Telling you to move out is something else. When did you notice he started to get strange about his phone? How often does he go out and who is he with? You might be on to something there.

[jujusamples]

@OP, I hope by telling you this, it will help ease how you feel. I know every relationship is different, but taking a step back sometimes in a relationship is not as bad as we all invision it to be.

 

I know because I've been in your position before. When I was dating my husband, we moved in together too quickly, after 2 years, I guess we got to the point of a power struggle. We were arguing a lot and at the same time all we see is each other. We started seeing our friends less and less.

So he told me he wanted space and i should move out. I was livid at the time but I talked to him and he said, this is the only he could thin of on how we could save this relationship. He explained to me that we need to take some space, clear our minds and go from there.

 

Of course, I was really upset at the time and thought all sorts or negetative things like "he's cheating on me", "he's just wants to break up". I moved out and just go along with it. We then started our relationship a little backwards, but it works. That spaced not only helped me but him to clear our minds and have more appreciation for each other. After about 6 months of starting back again, (we never broke up) we were just taking things a little slower. He bought me a trip to Cancun (thought it was just a vaction) He then proposed to me there. He said he actually bought the diamond for the ring when we still living together, he just wanted to be sure and see how life is without me. He also wanted to take some time to himself to figure out if this is what he really wanted. The space really helped both of us how much we meant to each other. Not to mentioned, the communications is so much better and our arguments are alot more constructive and a lot less.

 

I'm only sharing this story to you is to help you realized, it's not always a bad thing. Who knows, you might even realized he's not right for you. Either way, it will really help you clear your minds and figure out what you really want out of a relationship. If you two decide if you want to spend the rest of your life together, it's good step to know for sure. I know it's hard, i could still remember how hurt I was when this was happening to me. Today, I'm really glad we have taken that step backwards to move things forward

 

I shared my friends story in my first response to you to also help you realized what happens when you just stay hoping things will change. My friend is still in this unhappy relationship for years and years. Things will only change if you make the change. You can't force a things to happen either, you just have to let it be.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, how old is he? Is it his place? Does he plan to move back with parents? Can you move back home. You need to tell your family what's going on, not be in denial. You'll feel less stressed moving back home.

He recently told me he needs space, because he wants to focus on getting a better job and going to school. He also thinks I should move out, at the end of february. I have not talked to any of my family or friends about this yet. I think I just want to believe that things will change by the end of the month and everything will be ok.