is he sensible or a commitment phobe?

[preppygirl]

I had a serious conversation with my bf last night becoz i needed to be sure about where our relationship is going or if not at all becuase he told me him and his mates suggested gettin a flat together as soon as they have a proper income with a decent job, and obviously i was worried as to why his mates wud live with him and not me.

Anyway he told me he would ask me but i would still be in further education and not until i have the same good income and job, and when i do he would want us to move in together one day.I thought this was a good opportunity to get out of him exactly where he thinks we are at, because not long ago we went through a rough patch and nearly broke up becuase he felt scared when i say that we hav somethin special and hes 'no ready to committ at his age' (early 20's)

so i told him i get confused at times about 'us' and i was concerned when he mentioned moving in with mates maybe in a years time and not his gf of would be, 3 years,(we have been togther only 2 years at the moment) i also mentioned what he said not long ago about bein scared and i wanted to know how he felt right now, so he told me that he wants me to move in with him one day, and he likes where we are at, he said we have a 'steady' relationship and we aren't really going anywhere, we are just going with the flow and he said he's comfortable with me and enjoys every moment, that we are more than lovers we are best friends and that doin anythin now would be too soon, he said he likes to make the right choices and gets scared of the thought of making the descision of being with someone for the rest of his life now because it might not be the right one to make.

When questioning him about what he meant about being scared of making that choice now, he said it is becuase he likes makin the right choice so that when he is ready to marry it's after hes certain nothing can go wrong, and it has nothing to do with me as a person.

After that i felt i knew exactly where i stood, and im kind of happy with it becuase before i was very confused about how he felt and what he thought of me as a girlfriend, but gettin that out of him has made me worried now cos i dont want to scare him off after talking to him like that.Do u think i was right in havin that talk or would i have made him want to leave? do u think he means what he says and that he is sensible, has his head screwed on?

[Mun]

Hi there,

It sounds to me like he knows what he wants and is happy with you. I think you did ok... you got the answers you wanted and he didn't freak out on you. Now just go ahead and enjoy the relationship.. let things progress on their own.. and good luck with your schooling.

[equal marriage]

It is impossible to ensure that nothing will go wrong before you marry or when you are married. Part of relationships and marriage are the ups and downs (you said you just had one). These "wrongs" and "rights", ups and downs are what make a relationship strong and allows them to grow and progress. There will never be a "right" time. There will be times where you feel comfortable with each others goals, incomes, and communication and that's when the next step becomes natural. Keep communicaiton open and HONEST. Ir sounds like he is being honest. You need to be honest with yourself as well. If you want more from him, ask yourself why..if it's security (that really means trust- and that is built over time). A marriage license is not security, trust is security. Move in when it makes sense for you.