Question for guys who were the dumper

[lolita]

I would really appreciate your inputs in this case scenario: how would men feel, if they dump a good girl but they see that on social media the girl is not crying over them, in fact that she is quickly moved on with a much better guy with also many other guys actively pursuing her?

 

Would you feel something like regrets? Jealousy? Would you try to reach her out? or lastly would you trashmouth her?

 

Thanks !

[Juliaml20]

Hi. I'm not a man, but 2 years ago my exbf of 2 years dumped me.

I can tell you that he made some contact after he saw me with another guy (like in person) this was like 8 months after BU.

So, yes.

On the other hand, i'm the dumper in this new relationship, and he's flirting with another girl and I feel very sad Why are you doing this? He's over me or just trying to make me feel like sh+++t? (we broke up 2 weeks ago)

[Wiseman2]

No, because after a breakup it's best to block and delete and ex from social media. It's best to move on and not look back or care what an ex is doing.

Would you feel something like regrets? Jealousy? Would you try to reach her out? or lastly would you trashmouth her?

[j.man]

If it's obvious she's throwing out "single and happy" messages, I'd assume she's just acting like every other depressed facebook friend who posts motivational / happy memes and would probably just scroll through... maybe do a little eye roll.

 

If she's simply not publicly mourning, then I'd be happy for her.

 

It'd be a relief if a woman got over me quickly. I've never had a desire to see a woman wallow. I'll tell you one thing, though. If you're trying to indirectly send him messages or impressions through social media, that **** is far from subtle. There'd be a better chance he'd laugh than feel jealous.

[offthegrid]

If he's with someone else, he probably won't care.

 

If he's single, but experienced enough, he might care a little but will assume you're just rebounding and looking for validation.

 

If he's single and inexperienced, he'll probably care a lot. But if he thinks he feels regret, it will be a false regret. A regret based in jealousy and lingering attachment.

 

The more important point is that you shouldn't care what he thinks. You shouldn't be "gaming" social media to get reactions out of your ex. You don't realize it, but this behavior is an attempt to keep the thread between you and him alive. It's not fair to the "better guy" you're with. It's not fair to yourself. Live your life. Keep moving on.

[lolita]

We are not friend on social media but the photo is on public ... So you mean guys usually don't peek at an ex to see how she is doing?

[Wiseman2]

Don't waste your time and energy trying to get an ex back or get back at an ex by trying to make them jealous by creating a social media image that you've moved on or are being pursued.

 

If he cared he'd contact you, not creep your social media. Focus on yourself and get on some dating apps and don't waste time trying to impress an ex who doesn't care.

We are not friend on social media but the photo is on public ... So you mean guys usually don't peek at an ex to see how she is doing?

[j.man]

I have, of course. I broke up with them. I didn't hate them. Especially if they didn't really do anything wrong and simple incompatibility set in, you may even still love them as a friend. But it never amounted to anything more than that.

[lolita]

I m not trying to get back with him, and I do respect the new guy, I just wanted to inquire of how men think when they are the dumper.

[Mari]

It depends on the guy, the reason for breaking up, and whether the guy still had feelings for the girl. If he still had feelings then yes it sucks. But the girl may have had serious issues leaving no choice. If the guy was just shallow and saw something new and shiny then he would react differently.

 

I would really appreciate your inputs in this case scenario: how would men feel, if they dump a good girl but they see that on social media the girl is not crying over them, in fact that she is quickly moved on with a much better guy with also many other guys actively pursuing her?

 

Would you feel something like regrets? Jealousy? Would you try to reach her out? or lastly would you trashmouth her?

 

Thanks !

[RayF]

No one is answering your question really... they are telling you not to pay attention on social media and not look back. Look that's good advice, probably the right advice but we are human and we feel and sometimes we want answers to complex things. I look at it as part of the healing process.

 

So i will answer you as best as I can ;

 

I have never been the dumper... but I've been about as close to it as you can get which is really the initiator of a mutual break up that was tried to be held together for both of our points. For myself I knew i hit that wall finally that even though it was scary as hell I knew id feel relieved not to be in that anymore even if I lost the person.

 

 

I obviously missed her but from the day we broke up I was obsessed with my own feelings and fears much to strongly to really be missing or focusing on the there person. My inadequacies, my fear of being alone, my fear of being with someone. A lot of fear... I entered a deep depression but did not think that I should ever go back to her we really did exhaust that.

 

About a year or so after the BU I decided to randomly google search her to see she re-added Facebook. During this time I did not stalk her online which I admit I do to the girl that just dumped me to months ago.

 

I saw she was already engaged. Do you know what I thought? It was not jealousy, it was not surprise... it was a feeling of inadequacy. Because in a year she met someone, fell in love and was engaged during the while I'd been on like three crap dates and been feeling like a loner/loser. It made me feel terrible but did NOT make me want her more at all.

 

This is just my experience, but I would think that the dumper is moving on from the relationship because of issues they have with themselves not the other person. Sure it could manifest in the person, but ultimately it's their own issue they need to work on.

 

If you are using these guys to make your ex jealous and come running back to you it probably won't work unless he is very immature.

 

If you are using them to re-build your on self esteem or heal... go for it. Just be careful not to hurt someone else, remember how you feel to be hurt right now.

[MissCanuck]

I'm a woman, but I'll chime in:

 

When I have been the dumper, it was because I truly believed the relationship was no longer viable or what I wanted.

 

Thus, when I saw an ex posting nice photos or some such thing, all I felt was relief that he was moving on too. It didn't ignite jealousy or regret, because..well...I no longer felt the same way, hence why I ended the relationship.