Where is my sex drive?

[Hopper]

Hi all,

 

I'm a 26 year old male that has been in a relationship with my gf for 7 years and have noticed that our sex life is not so hot anymore. I love her so much and all i really want to do is to spend time with her and she was the one who pointed out that we don't have sex as often as we used to.

 

I don't masturbate often, once a week, i'd say. But one thing i do want to point out is that early in our relationship she was very shy when it came to her being naked in front of me and giving oral. eventually she became more confident, but i personally think that it had a long term effect on me because i didn't want to offend her. She never liked to do any work... actually, she still doesn't. Sex ends up being me doing all the work while she enjoys herself and lies down. It was like that for about 4 years.

 

Now, she tries to motivate me by saying that she wants to be on top and do some work, but when she does it now, it doesn't feel good. I'm so used to being on top and doing all the work that nothing else is comfortable.

 

I know i have it in me, but i think that the past has discouraged me so much that i don't care to do it anymore.

 

What do you guys think i can do to raise my drive again? I really wish that i had that drive again. =(

[arwen]

Hey Hopper,

 

I am sorry to hear that your relationship was never that great in the sexdepartment. I think a part of the satisfaction of an intimate relationship is that kind of intimacy- the intimacy that cannot expressed with words is for me expressed, well... in another sort of language

 

It seems to me that your gf has a rather low sexdrive, or am I wrong? If the two of you are strongly committed to each other, and love each other, I think the only thing you can do is try (again) to talk to her. How did conversations about that go in the past?

 

It is a very sensitive subject, so I'd understand it's difficult to talk about things without offending her

 

Does it help to spice things up a little, by romantically seducing her? I suppose after 4 years you will pretty much have tried anything.

 

Ilse.