Contact from the ex, it was nice but now it's time to go.

[Unluckyinlove]

My ex made contact with me yesterday. We have this mutual friend which I have mentioned. This friend told my ex about some questions that I had. My ex felt that if I still had any questions that I should ask her. I politely explained that I didn't want to talk to her so that is why I didn't ask. I told her that I told our friend that I wasn't going to ask anymore questions about her.

All in all a pretty nice talk. I'd seen her the day before at the hospital and we both thought it a bit awkward. She said she had tried to make eye contact with me and thought I was uncomfortable. I told her only a little, but that I had tried to do the same and that she only looked my way a couple of times.

What was awkward was that I wanted to hug her and tell her it was nice to see her.

Our talk only confirmed what I knew. What she did was hard, but she had to do it. She feels good about the decision to breakup as she just doesn't love me. I could still rationaize the reasons why, but why? It's over.

I still want to pick up the latest "how to get her back" guide, but again why?

I realize that all of our situations have some similarities, others none at all. Even those with similarities are not the same. Each case between two people are unique. I understand the concept of NC and helping to move on. It will not in my case ever change anything with her. One friend that I have that is a woman swore up and down that my ex was lying to me about everything and that she was game playing. She doesn't even know my ex, all she could go on was her own experiences. I'm not stupid, my ex could be lying about a lot of things as far as her feelings for me and how I'm supposed to be everything she was looking for, less that "something missing" I've been in relationships where that "something was missing" so although it hurts, I understand it.

If I had been smart I would have asked more about what it was she wanted from the relationship. Looking back, I think she wanted a friend to be there, and for the sex. No that's not true. I think initially she liked the relationship for what it was and tried to have the same feelings I had, but it wasn't there. The sex was great no question, but that wasn't just what the relationship was about. Again, unless she was lying, she said that I was the most amazing, giving lover she had ever been with, and she said that BEFORE we split.

The biggest thing for me is misinterpreting her actions. She said yesterday that she was just an outgoing, physical type person and she just liked to touch and be touched and she's just that way. She said she liked being with me, enjoyed my company, enjoyed the sex, but she didn't long to be with me when I was gone.

Whatever, it's over and it's time for me to move on. I've appreciated all of the advice here, although I've really had to sift through it and apply it to my situation. I think it's time for me to handle this alone now.

I'm not going to contact my ex for awhile, but we both still want to be a part of each others life. Some may say she just wants me around in case the next guy dumps on her, so be it. If nothing else we did become friends in our relationship and we do care for each other. I won't allow myself to be an old shoe or rug. This friendship will have to go both ways or it won't be a friendship.

All I can say to you naysayers out there is this. In any other case I would have told her goodbye and meant it. If you don't want me, then I don't want you. You may think I'm weak and perhaps thats true, but she is without a doubt the most amazing woman I have ever met. I look forward to the time when I'm over her and we can talk on the phone or see each other and have it be warm and friendly with no more hurt. In fact the warm and friendly hasn't gone away. We managed to laugh and talk just like we always had for the most part.

In the meantime, I am going to pick up some books about relationships so that I don't find myself in this positoin again. If I learn nothing from this than I will be apt to repeat the same mistake, and I don't want that to happen again.

Take care all. I'll be checking in to see if anybody has any comments. Should I mess up and fall into her trap again, perhaps I'll be back. But I think it's time to grow up a bit, handle this like a man and work it out with people who care about me, who know the situation better.

Last bit of good news. I reactivated my online profiles on some dating services and a good friend is trying to hook me up with somebody. I'm not going to wait for my ex as there is nothing to wait for. I already know that if she finds out about me dating it won't matter so why long for her when it truly is over.

Sorry so scattered this morning, many thoughts and emotions running pretty high. I will survive this, you will survive yours and we will all live to love again, believe!

[just jeff]

We each have to make our decisions on our own; and I couldn't agree more…only the two people involved truly understand what was right and wrong about the relationship. Try as we can to use words to describe our problems…they remain only words.

 

Your and my own problems with our relationships aren't so different that a thousand other sad stories posted here. Each is exceptional will details missing or things left unsaid. It is a healing process…some are gluttons for punishment (maybe I fall into that category) and continue to seek what they cannot obtain. Others are so distraught over their relationship ending they commit bodily harm against themselves as well as others.

 

I sense you're a very intelligent, self confident, have ethics and integrity. Whoever you allow into your personal life will be fortunate, and they will fully accept and return your feelings in kind. People question (I am guilty) why this happened or why they were rejected…there are no answers; life isn't that clear cut. Sometimes that "missing" piece is the most important part for the fulfillment of the other person.

 

When we ask them to define what is "missing" that is beyond explanation; it's invisible…like the wind, yet we know its there. A book that I've read that I found helpful is "Bonds That Set Us Free"…you might look into it. I even bought and had sent a copy to my ex.

 

I feel as long as there is contact…there can always be hope. Rome wasn't built in a day…relationships that are worthy aren't either. I am not saying to hold out in hopes of her and you rekindling a relationship that is rewarding to you both…go out and live, seek fulfillment and be happy that you have survived so much and are no doubt a stronger individual for the effort.

 

I wish you well on your journey…walk in the sunshine…I bid you peace.

[cingularity83]

I BELIEVE.......

[chai714]

No human can be destroyed because of a single event in life - any event. Not even a breakup. Not running into an ex. There are times in our lives when we feel like throwing up the white flag and surrendering. It's better to take a time-out from "insert traumatic situation here" rather than to give up and quit. There are times when you do need to cut your losses though, but most won't know until they've already invested too much, in which case, "hindsight is 20/20."

 

With that being said though, I still believe (and live this) that you can influence most situations in life. You can especially when dealing with exes, and people in general. It's not easy, and it's especially not easy when your heart is involved, because controlling your emotions can seem like trying to stop a train...but...it can be done. Human willpower and knowledge overcomes all obstacles. Just like time heals all wounds....