I gave in.. Feel like crap

[Ninevision]

Hello forum. Would like some knowledge on realistic possibilities.

 

So my story is a bit long, I can give advise but I need a newer perspective that can look at a different angle.

 

I met this girl okay so to be completely honest she works for me. I am not directly her boss but she falls under me if you look at it overall. Basically she is just part of the work force while I am currently in middle management. I know... I know... And I know....

 

So she started working here over a year ago. I though she was cute but never though Mich of it. After a year pass we started talking a bit more only at work. In a normal situation I wouldn't of been so hesitant but I was due to the situation. The moment we exchanged more than usual hellos I found out that she was completely in her feminine. Had me hooked right away. So this pass June I asked her out, then got rejected no big deal. Then triedbagain a month later and same result. After twice I said whatever and then left her alone.

 

This October she texted me for bs reasons and started talking again. I was cautious at first then my usual self came out. Start flirting at work and as well as her then our text escalated more and more.... Finally I asked her again due to all the signals. This time she agreed and we met that same day. Agreed, bad move on my part and I hadn't realized it until afterwards. We met at Starbucks and she was looking even better than ever. At first we were going to go in but she didnt want any coffee. So we decided to have a little chat in my car. We got in the car and we looked at each other weird and I ended up breaking the ice by kissing her. She kissed me back and ended up making out the rest of the night. We moved to 2 locations but still in the car making out each time. Few hours later I take her home. We hardly spoke that night just making out the whole time. Indeed I felt like it was some type of rebound but again I didn't know. Two days later I offer to take her home, again we make out at some place and escalates further. She is not naked in my car and I'm doing the same but I noticed my little man wasn't up. I was still clothed so she didn't noticed and my car is extremely small. I'm 5'10 and it was incredibly hard to get Hers off and to take mine off was stressing me out. So I put on breaks and took her home. I know she wanted it then really bad but she held together.

 

We meet 2 days later again I take her home but this time we end up in a hotel near her house. She lives with her family, I lived 40 mins away. Escalated but this time it was her who put on the breaks this time I was normal with case of blue balls. I take her home again. 2 days later I texted her and she got back to me 4 hours later. Claimed that she was talking to her mother about some problems. I get it, she probably did talk to her mom but probably not for 4 hours. I suspected she was doing something with another dude came home and her and her mom talked about some things. All she told me was that her mom was disappointed in her. Her mom knows me and knows we been going out. I guess she didn't like her daughter going out with 2 different guys. I got frustrated but didn't show, I was dying inside though but now again anxiety kicked in. Next day we had already had a date set so I picked her up, we had dinner then back to the hotel. This time shes naked and when we were ready my little guy wasn't up again. It was incredibly frustrating non the least. She ends up saying "can we go". All the while I show my weakness duebto my inability as this really was never an issue. 2 days later she is distant, I'm frustrated and embarrassed and she knows that. I admit I showed it, it took me off my center, she moved me off my center. When we talked that day shebsaidbshe talked to her mother again the day before. Then she breaks it off saying those words that "she wants to give her mom time" I translated that to a be excuse something similar to "I need some space" when I use that term it usually means I want to see someone else. She tried to hook me by saying we could still talk. I ignored that comment and walk away by saying OK no problem.

 

It was 20 days later that I got a message from her. Saying that I was a liar because she had thought I had someone else while we were dating. She thought we were exclusive after the first date (probably because she said it and I didn't I acknowledged it more responded to that it was a little weird). But I didn't date anyone else while we were saying I mean I saw her on 2 weekends and I'm busy with work during the week. I just told her that I didn't want to hear from her unless she wants to continue. She said that she was sorry for the bad memories and nc again.

 

I finally broke today, I broke my nc because she have me all twisted up in that short amount of time. More and more I think about it I was a rebound the signs are there but I still want to date this girl, I feel like I wasn't enough of man to her. Its eating me up.

 

I am probably correct where she probably liked someone else but went with me because the other guy wouldn't give her time of day. Or she went back to her ex. Which eats me up as well, to use me like this... But still I know I'm better off staying away when her thing goes south. I don't know if I can, I broke today texting her merry Christmas to which she replied to and really tempted to reply back. Thus I am writing here instead.

 

Any chance she comes back to me? My head says no, my heart is hoping, my little guy is wanting. I'm so messed up right now.

 

Advise?

[gebaird]

Struggling with episodes of impotence in a relationship that you aren't even sure is exclusive has got to be rough. It sounds to me like you have a lot of chemistry with this girl, but if that's the only level of connection between you, it's not enough to create something lasting.

 

If you want to keep getting your heart broken, by all means continue pursuing her.

[rosecolored108]

It sounds like the relationship is mostly sexual in nature? Do you think you could have a real relationship with her? Does she want that? Have you talked about it?

[Ninevision]

I will absolutely not talk to her about our currently non existiting relationship. LOL. Bad part is I see her everyday at work. I ignore her but she passes my window to leave work every afternoon when there Are other ways out of here. She knows I see her and I feel like its on purpose to keep me around. Oorrrr its all in my head and she just taking the quickest way out and not paying me any attention. Yes its rough gebaird..... And I feel like I missed an opportunity to see what it could of been aside from physical attraction.

 

Far as I my brain is concerned this is over with, my heart is saying don't give up. Feel like my mind is losing at the moment and was more so yesterday when I broke nic. Now I'm back to day freaking 1. #rough

[Wiseman2]

Hope it turns out alright.

I know... I know... And I know....

[browser]

I skimmed most of your post but I read and will respond to the only part that matters.

 

Do not get involved with someone you work with. Although there may be exceptions, it's rare, and there is no exception when you are higher up in the company than your potential dating partner.

 

Unless you're willing to walk away from your job if things go south, and often they do.

[rosecolored108]

It seems like your brain knows the answer then. "Relationships" should not be this complicated...and the work situation is definitely not a good thing.

 

If you aren't willing to talk about it with her, then things will probably continue to be weird for you unless you just move on completely.