Set back

[Butterflyxx]

Just want to get my feelings out here.

I'm feeling a bit anxious and disappointed today.

Last night I went to a bonfire with some friends and they invited my exs close friends.

I haven't seen them since the breakup and they would bring him up in conversation and he does videos on YouTube so they watched them.

It made me miss him and to make matters worse, they found out that I'm going on a date with another guy (one friend told them without my permission), so I'm scared the news will get to my ex and it'll upset him.

I really dont want to upset him because I know for a fact he will be jealous and angry and hurt that I've been on a date, and although we aren't in any contact, so it's not like he will message me or anything, I still feel awful.

The last person I wanted to find out was my ex and knowing his friends he will tell him.

I'm just missing him a lot and I don't want to upset him.

He will take the news of the date in an unhealthy way and I have urges to stop contact with this new guy and message my ex or something.

[pippy longstocking]

No ..no no no no .... you are not to message him and stop contact with your new friend darling ....

 

lets do this bit at a time because it is all exploding in your head .... he didn't stop contacting that 15 yr old girl and you was actually with him , he didn't stop seeing his ex and spending all that time with her to *help her , and you was with him , he has never given you more than your 4 hours a week when you was with him , he didn't put you before his friends , his gaming or anything else for that matter .

And you are on the verge of telling your new * friend not to contact you again ...

 

oh darling can you see how he still has that control, you have gone straight to fear mode ...fear of upsetting him , back under the thumb worrying and wanting ...

 

We need to get you to a place where you don't give a flying fk what he thinks and feels ..and if he is upset it is only because he will realise you have moved on and he hasn't got the power anymore to just come and use you once a week ...

You are still healing , you are still recovering , you are still trying to catch up on life , you are still dealing with all that happened , so it is still raw ... so you have panicked ...your brain is still wired to be weary of upsetting him like he is some god or something ..( I know this feeling and it really does make one panick doesn't it )

 

You are free to do what you want to do .....block his number , block his facebook and you just carry on the way you was my darling ..you are doing great and this is nothing more then a setback that has panicked you ...It will get easier ... you are ok butterfly xxxxxx come on , take a deep breath and remember you are strong and you do not fear what your ex might say ..it is none of his business ...he lost the right to ask you or judge you or hurt you when you walked away xxxx

 

Oh and it is only his ego that will be hurt ..don't undo all your hard work just because his ego is going to take a bruising ..

[Butterflyxx]

No ..no no no no .... you are not to message him and stop contact with your new friend darling ....

 

lets do this bit at a time because it is all exploding in your head .... he didn't stop contacting that 15 yr old girl and you was actually with him , he didn't stop seeing his ex and spending all that time with her to *help her , and you was with him , he has never given you more than your 4 hours a week when you was with him , he didn't put you before his friends , his gaming or anything else for that matter .

And you are on the verge of telling your new * friend not to contact you again ...

 

oh darling can you see how he still has that control, you have gone straight to fear mode ...fear of upsetting him , back under the thumb worrying and wanting ...

 

We need to get you to a place where you don't give a flying fk what he thinks and feels ..and if he is upset it is only because he will realise you have moved on and he hasn't got the power anymore to just come and use you once a week ...

You are still healing , you are still recovering , you are still trying to catch up on life , you are still dealing with all that happened , so it is still raw ... so you have panicked ...your brain is still wired to be weary of upsetting him like he is some god or something ..( I know this feeling and it really does make one panick doesn't it )

 

You are free to do what you want to do .....block his number , block his facebook and you just carry on the way you was my darling ..you are doing great and this is nothing more then a setback that has panicked you ...It will get easier ... you are ok butterfly xxxxxx come on , take a deep breath and remember you are strong and you do not fear what your ex might say ..it is none of his business ...he lost the right to ask you or judge you or hurt you when you walked away xxxx

 

Oh and it is only his ego that will be hurt ..don't undo all your hard work just because his ego is going to take a bruising ..

 

Thank you Pippy. This has really put things into perspective.

I think I've been so used to putting his feelings before my own, acting in certain ways which would make him feel good, and dismissing my own feelings.

I have to keep reminding myself of the many times he put himself in front of me, and he didn't care about how I felt, so it's logical to not care about how he feels when we aren't even together.

I've made sure I've blocked all of his friends from my social media so I have that privacy. I wasn't fond of the idea of his friends coming last night but I felt rude if I was to leave.

This is going to be difficult to re-wire my brain to think of myself before him. But I'm definitely not going to contact him, I think when I wrote that I was feeling weak but I've read this message and had time to properly think and I know it's best not to contact him.

Thank you so much Pippy xxx

[pippy longstocking]

Thank you Pippy. This has really put things into perspective.

I think I've been so used to putting his feelings before my own, acting in certain ways which would make him feel good, and dismissing my own feelings.

I have to keep reminding myself of the many times he put himself in front of me, and he didn't care about how I felt, so it's logical to not care about how he feels when we aren't even together.

I've made sure I've blocked all of his friends from my social media so I have that privacy. I wasn't fond of the idea of his friends coming last night but I felt rude if I was to leave.

This is going to be difficult to re-wire my brain to think of myself before him. But I'm definitely not going to contact him, I think when I wrote that I was feeling weak but I've read this message and had time to properly think and I know it's best not to contact him.

Thank you so much Pippy xxx

 

oh I can't tell you how big the sigh of relief was that I just did ...one of my cats ( bumble bee ) turned and looked at me lol

 

I know , and you know I know ...it is a hard habit to break and that initial panic you felt is awful ...I am so so so so so glad you posted here first and didn't act on it .

It must of been hard with his friends there triggering memories and the like , so you have done really really well believe me .

 

You are doing fab darling just fab fab fab fab fab fab xxxx

[AvaD21]

Listen to Pippy her advice is invaluable and I totally agree that it's best to post here before acting if you're unsure on your thoughts and feelings because it really does help if you're not 100% recovered x

[pippy longstocking]

Listen to Pippy her advice is invaluable and I totally agree that it's best to post here before acting if you're unsure on your thoughts and feelings because it really does help if you're not 100% recovered x

 

aww you are far to kind to me ava xx

 

butterfly just looking in on you honey pot xx