A silly question I’m sure…

[just jeff]

I have read so many posts on this board…and they have helped me in so many different ways…yet I tend to keep hope alive in my relationship; that and being stubborn.

 

Does NC include visiting the same chat room? I know the answer is most likely yes…but, we are both paying members, and it isn't a money issue. Maybe we both get a certain reassurance seeing each other there.

 

So she doesn't wonder where I am and what I am doing…Jeff is ok, he's right there. Same goes for me…I see she is on line and that means she isn't on a date. Knowing that I want her to face her fears…and decide what she wants in the future and what she has to do to achieve it…do I disappear?

 

Looking forward you your input…later down life's path….

[dustinthewind]

YES!!! stay away from the room trust me. I know its probably super hard to do. But until she stops seeing you there, and getting that 'reassurance' as you say, then the NC wont work. She wont miss you as much as she would have, with you being completely gone from her life. I had the same situation. I delt with it by blocking myself (so people in the room couldnt see me) when I logged in. I only did it a few times, but I just felt like I needed to know that he was there.....I never talked to him, nor did he ever get a chance to see me. But like all these great people have been saying....you need to give them a chance to miss you....and this means staying away from the chat room.

Best of luck !!

[DN]

No contact is not really a way of staying away so an ex will miss you and come back, That may be a consequence of it but the reason to do it is so that you get over the ex and move on. Constant reminders of what s/he is doing cannot help you do that. The mere fact that you seek reassurance from seeing that she is not on a date proves my point. When you get to the point that you do not care whether she is on a date or not - then no contact will have served its primary purpose.

[just jeff]

It seems to be a role reversal…I had tried the NC rule in the past and explained to her why. To give me time to heal and see where my life was heading. She thought it was a great idea…but always ended up calling or text messaging me asking how I was; that she was worried.

 

And so…the communication would start all over again. I admit I was weak and should not have responded. And now it is she who is committed to NC, from what I have gathered to collect her thoughts and feelings.

 

I am dating and living life without her…I have for quite some time. But we keep that connection alive, me in hopes our love would re-blossom and time would heal old wounds…I am not sure what her motives were/are.

 

Thank you for the input…I will stay out of the chat room.