My longest relationship ended horribly wrong...

[Mack1990]

Hi there,

 

A little about me first: I'm 26, college educated, full time job, and I know how to take care of myself.

 

I was in a relationship with the woman whom I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. The first year of our relationship, we were at our prime. She always wanted to have sex with me, which should have been a red flag for me, she used to always tell me she loved me, she called me every day, the whole nine yards. I used to treat her right in any way that I could, and her family loved me to death. She ended up moving an hour and a half from my house so our relationship had a strain but I didn't want to give up on her.

 

About a year into our relationship, she was becoming progressively distant. I kept asking her what was going on, she kept me in the dark for so long. I called her asking her all this, then finally she said "maybe we should break up". So I hung up my phone. A week after that, she told me we could meet. Then we got back together.

 

We stayed together for a couple months, and I asked her why she kept changing her mind as to whether or not she wanted to find a place with me, because at the beginning of the relationship, she was very gung ho about finding a place with me. I was dedicated to this woman only, I truly thought she was the love of my life. She then broke up with me again, saying she's "tired of being in a relationship" and that she "loses interest in a man after a while". She also kept telling me I "did nothing wrong".

 

A month after the second time she split with me, out of the blue she texts me saying she misses me and that it's been almost a month, and that she wants to talk. I told her that we can but she's gonna have to come to me, I'm not gonna go to her. So she comes to my house to ask if we can get back together. I very foolishly said yes, and the reason I say foolishly, you'll find out later. She then told me that she had really big regrets about splitting with me, and that "I'm the best" and that she needs to "compromise on her part".

 

We stayed together for about a month, and then she texts me saying "I need to talk to you tonight yes she put a smiley face there. I said to her "about what? I get nervous when you say that", and she told me not to be nervous, so I said ok. I go to her house, she goes outside with me and said "I don't think we're right for each other". She said the "chemistry" is bad, which is the stupidest excuse I've ever heard for someone who has been with me for a year and a half. I texted her an angry text message a few days ago, saying it was messed up what she did to me, and she agreed it wasn't fair what she did.

 

It's been a month since the third time, yes third time, she's broken up with me. She still has our pictures on her Facebook, and she hasn't cut contact with me. I'm debating on whether or not to totally cut her out, but I have a feeling I'll regret doing that so I'm just taking it easy for now.

 

I gotta ask all women out there, what is wrong with you all? Do women seriously not appreciate a good guy in their life? I have serious trust issues when it comes to women now since I've been through his.

 

So that's my story, looking for help and support. Thank you all.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear all this. it sounds like you really cared and really tried. However it sounds like she's a bit of a flake. Go no contact and block her, so you can heal, move on and most importantly, not get sucked in again.

 

There are plenty of fine sincere women out there who would love a serious relationship with a good man.

she "loses interest in a man after a while". "I don't think we're right for each other". She said the "chemistry" is bad

[bunzana]

First of all, I don't think it's fair that you assume that all women have something wrong with them, and that we don't appreciate a good man. There are plenty of women that know when they have a good man, and don't take that for granted, such as myself.

 

In regards to your relationship, it doesn't sound like a very healthy one. She doesn't seem to know what she wants, and this cycle of breaking up and getting back together will only continue if you allow it to. Block her number, go no contact, and try to move on to someone who will truly appreciate all the things you do for them.

[trickykid]

Seems to me like you're setting yourself up to be let down again. Like you say yourself, the third time it happened. Now you are debating whether or not to totally cut her out, what is their to debate, she has done this 3 times already. And you have a feeling that you will regret doing it? i would say you will regret not doing it, if you let her in back in a fourth time.

[Mack1990]

I am on the verge of cutting her out, it's just so hard because I loved her for so long, and it's hard for me to let go. I will admit, she has some sort of control of me, and it's so hard for me to totally let go.

[trickykid]

You see, this is your problem right here "I will admit, she has some sort of control of me" As long as it is like that, the more it will continue. I dont think its going to get any better a fourth time. Like you broke up 3 times and you feel terrible and you know that now, if you go back a fourth time and it ends the same way, you will feel worse because you should have known better.

[BlarneyStone]

Holy hell.

 

This woman sounds absolutely awful. Boot her from your life man. No one deserves to be dragged around like that. It will be tough, but you have to do it. Be strong.

[SkellyWoozle]

Firstly, not all women are like your ex girlfriend. There are plenty who are good, kind, respectful generous people - it's just that generally you only get to hear about the bad ones.

 

Secondly - you're asking for trouble hanging on to this girl. She knows you're a bit of a sap for her and that's why she continues to string you along. You need to cut all ties with her, delete everything to do with her and move on. You deserve so much better and to be treated with love, kindness and respect. This girl is doing none of this X

[rich46]

Cut the contact. Now.

 

You won't regret doing it. In fact, you will probably feel empowered because you will have finally taken control of your actions, instead of being beholden to her.

 

Be warned though: she will be back, probably with even more force than before, after she realises that you are attempting to move on. This will be when you need your strength to resist, otherwise I fear you will be in an endless cycle of....well, an endless cycle similar to what you are in now.

[Mack1990]

Partly thanks to you guys, I just cut ties, blocked her. I feel a lot more empowered now that I did that, I am not gonna let her continue to tow me along. I'm quite sure she's one of those women who like to have control over men, but not this dude. I'm done with her. She expects me to be be the one to beg for her back, but I refuse to do that. I don't wanna know what she's doing, and I'm trying to forget that I even knew her. She put me through pain, so what's the point of me even keeping contact if it's just gonna hurt me? Thanks for all the support!

[rich46]

Partly thanks to you guys, I just cut ties, blocked her. I feel a lot more empowered now that I did that, I am not gonna let her continue to tow me along. I'm quite sure she's one of those women who like to have control over men, but not this dude. I'm done with her. She expects me to be be the one to beg for her back, but I refuse to do that. I don't wanna know what she's doing, and I'm trying to forget that I even knew her. She put me through pain, so what's the point of me even keeping contact if it's just gonna hurt me? Thanks for all the support!

Good stuff. New chapter of your life starts here. Keep looking forward from now on.

[Mack1990]

It's been one day since NC. I am beginning to heal pretty well, it's still hard. I think about her every day when I know I shouldn't be. But I think blocking her is a step in the right direction for me to heal. She said she wants to be friends but I see friend zoning as a slap in my face. What's the point of being "friends" honestly? I went through so much pain over her and she did so much to hurt me emotionally, so I don't see the point in being friends. I honestly don't wanna see her again, why love someone who has hurt you like she hurt me? The hardest part is that her family treated me like their own, and I miss them every day. Her brothers, who have always been protective of her, had much respect for me and always thought I was a great man. The first time we broke up, I contacted her older brother, and he actually said "I have nothing against you". It's the good times I had with her and her family that I'll miss the most, but I have to get those thoughts out of my head for me to heal. It's a very long and painful process but I'll get it done nonetheless.

[rich46]

I think about her every day when I know I shouldn't be.

Sounds like you're doing well. You can't control what thoughts pop into your head, and it would be very unnatural if you weren't thinking about her! The key is to just accept these thoughts and kind of accept that they will pop up, rather than going with them which can cause them to spiral out of control, affect your mood, and spoil your day.

 

Noah Elkrief on youtube has some good videos on 'thoughts' and how to deal with them. Try to get into meditating for 10 minutes a day as well as that will help getting your thoughts under control. Someone also recommended Headspace to me recently (look it up), and am enjoying their program so far.