So I was at Starbuck's yesterday....

[CarterJonas]

If you can, try and not worry about your co-students; some get envious when other people do well. All that matters is that your prof. said it was an excellent presentation. In the end it is them who will award you your phD.

 

I can usually say who are the approachable kind by looking at their body language. It's difficult to explain but they seem to have some kind of an air of confidence around them....head held high, eye contact, smiley...kind of thing.

 

There are quite a lot of intelligent people working for the same company as myself, but for some reason quite a lot of them are lacking in social situations and hence are unmarried. Don't know if this is by their choice. Maybe they work too hard and play too little?

[annie24]

DN, Carter, and Caldus - you guys are so right! See.. grad school is turning me into this social introvert!!! And it's not who I am naturally!!! Ack!

 

Carter - you are right about the approachability thing. I was just reading a dating advice book. It suggested that women, as an exercise, go into a bar or coffee shop, and pretend that they are a man. (In their minds) which woman would they approach? Not necessarily the prettiest woman, but the one who looks the most approachable. Someone who looks nice, and confident. I think that will be my "assignment" for this week!

 

So, I'm in a biochem PhD program. I'm not an overtly competitive person. To me, it is stupid. Everyone can give an excellent presentation. Just because one person does it well, it's not like now others are not able to. So, my classmates and I are all studying biochem, but some study bacteria (like me), others viruses, others mice, others yeast, and so on. So, it's not like we'll be competing for the same jobs!!!

 

From my perspective, everyone who does well only increases the reputation of our department and our university. The only people I feel that I am competing against are the people in other universities who are studying the same things that I am, so I feel a need to get the data, and publish the results before they do.

[CarterJonas]

I was just reading a dating advice book. It suggested that women, as an exercise, go into a bar or coffee shop, and pretend that they are a man. (In their minds) which woman would they approach? Not necessarily the prettiest woman, but the one who looks the most approachable. Someone who looks nice, and confident.

Yip that's the gist of it!

 

Sorry but can't help you much with your phD but anything you need to know about constructing roads then... , but good luck with your studies.

[Ddog187]

I would just like to add Starbuck's is the best! Also you should talk to him.

[annie24]

Yeah -- you guys are all right! I should have said something, especially because I was dressed up nicely for my presentation, and I did my hair and makeup nicely in the morning, so if there was any day I should approach a guy, it should have been then!!! *sigh*

 

On another note, Starbuck's should be paying us for our posts praising them!!!

[Mun]

I liked this topic so much I read all the posts.

 

I think for next time a simple smile and "hi" is a good start. He might not respond or he might take the ball and run with it...If you ask couples how they met most of them have a funny and unlikely story to tell...so you just never know where or how you might meet that great guy.

[Your_Own_Disaster]

just go 4 it, talk 2 em, id be thrilled if some random just started talkin 2 me...

[a.d.c.]

Annie, I don't know of any man that wouldn't like a nice young woman to strike up a flirty conversation with them. It's actually quite refreshing. Since for the most part it's men that have to show initiative when they're interested.

 

A few months back I went to return an item at an electronics store and there was a nice girl working there. Well she not only helped me out, but she also complimented me on my cologne, and looks, and a few other compliments which I'm kinda embarrassed to tell.

 

Well I gotta tell you that I walked out of that store feeling higher than ever. That girl made my whole week. So much that I went back and give her my number. I later found out through a coworker of hers that she's married. It didn't stop her from calling me though. Well I didn't want to get involved with that sort of thing so I didn't answer her calls. Anyways this is all besides the point.

 

The thing is ladies, if you see a man that catches your eye, don't hesitate to go and make conversation with him. It's something out of the ordinary for us. It's like a total role reversal and like I said earlier it's quite refreshing. I think most guys on here would agree with me right?

 

Imagine how many more people could possibly get to know each other if both sexes opened up like that equally? It'd be great.

[al7]

 

1. You know, when I lived in southern CA, I used to chat people up all the time. But, last year, I moved to wisconsin for grad school, and all the people I meet are so closed off!!! I've always heard that the midwesterners were supposed to be nice and friendly,

 

2. For example - yesterday I gave a talk. The students in the audience had to write evaluations. "Your speech sounded over-rehearsed." (As if it's a fault to be well-prepared!)

 

3. So, as a result of all those interactions... I guess I've kind of closed myself off from people... which is why I'm posting about this "meeting new people" here.

 

4. About the confidence thing...

 

 

1. I guess you are very much right. I cannot say for sure since I have not been down South, but I lived in Europe for quite a long time.

First of all engineers are so socially dumb people I cannot even imagine who might be doing worse than that (ok I am an example)

Plus people in the North are known for being cold and competitve and not social. That rumor is not trur about social Midwesterners...

 

2. It could be a) they hate that you gave a good speech since they are too competitive b) they were just giving you a feeback.. maybe your tone of voice were too steady or somehting or maybe you memorized all the talk and deliver it is a steady voice like if you were reading it... who know, we didn't hear your speech. It could be a combination of a) + b) which is more likely.

 

3. Definitely people here in Midwest are VERY closed off, especially people close to technical fields like engineers...I am one of them, I lack social skills but I do not like this situation.

 

4. Speaking about the confidence.. has anyone heard about some sort fo seminars...course.. workshoos "How to build social skills.. confidence"?

[al7]

aww! this post has set me off on a craving for a white chocolate Mocha ! I have to wait 3 months for one cause thats when im down visiting my sis.

 

Just curious.. if have to wait 3 month to get a Mocha? You cannot ask you relative to buy you this? or to buy it and cook at home?

Maybe I am missing somehting but it should be an easy thing.

[al7]

Is that true of a lot of academics at that leveL? Very competitive and jealous?

 

Not sure about jealous part or academics in particular, since biology major tend to be quite social here.., but I have to admit people in mid-west, especially in technical fields are either very introverted or lack social skills. Which makes them cold at best.

[al7]

1. I was just reading a dating advice book. It suggested that women, as an exercise, go into a bar or coffee shop, and pretend that they are a man. (In their minds) which woman would they approach? Not necessarily the prettiest woman, but the one who looks the most approachable. Someone who looks nice, and confident. I think that will be my "assignment" for this week!

 

2. I'm not an overtly competitive person.

 

1. Sorry Annie, can't agree. Why would you want to talk.. possible date mainly approachable looking guys (or women for if you pretend you are a guy)? What is behind it? Please think about it: there is a fear and lack of social skills from both sides then.. if you chose to approach only happy-smily approachable looking women.

First a guy who approach only approachble looking women lacks social skills himself and should work on it instead of concentrating on only this type if women. Plus, the approachable women are being arroached a lot!

And it might be more frustrating to a guy to figure out all women he approched are taken. Please just think about this.

 

2. From what I read you are quite competitve. But probably you also are kind and polite. And that makes a difference.

[al7]

at an electronics store and there was a nice girl working there. Well she not only helped me out, but she also complimented me on my cologne, and looks, and a few other compliments which I'm kinda embarrassed to tell.

 

Well I gotta tell you that I walked out of that store feeling higher than ever.

 

Man, I am sorry, but didn't you realize she's got paid to talk to customers in a nice way? And you were a customer. Plus if you would noticed her wedding band it all would be even more clear.

[Caldus]

Yeah I agree. I mean aren't married couples usually wearing a ring?

[al7]

aren't married couples usually wearing a ring?

 

Usually they are supposed to, but if you look at a women's hand you may not a) recongnize the wedding band b) you may not have an opportunity to look at her hand closely c) she might be weraing too many rings on her laft hand...

So it is really NOT easy to figure out if she is married just by the fact she's a wedding band on.

[a.d.c.]

Man, I am sorry, but didn't you realize she's got paid to talk to customers in a nice way? And you were a customer. Plus if you would noticed her wedding band it all would be even more clear.

 

Cmon man. Look I'm telling it like how it went down. I know the difference between trying to make the customer feel at home AND a full on flirt session. And I doubt her after store hours calls to my cell were courtesy calls.

 

And no I wasn't looking to see if she had a ring on or not. I was looking everywhere but her hands.

[annie24]

No Al - I didn't mean LITERALLY to go up and TALK to these women. Just, to pretend (in my head!!!) if I were a man, and I wanted to approach a woman, who would it be? Not necessarily the prettiest, but the one who looks friendly and approachable.

 

I do agree with ADC though - sometimes, people are just nice and friendly because they are being paid to... but in his case... it sounds like she was looking for more!

[Mysterious Gurl]

Just curious.. if have to wait 3 month to get a Mocha? You cannot ask you relative to buy you this? or to buy it and cook at home?

Maybe I am missing somehting but it should be an easy thing.

 

Well I'm not sure if you buy mochas from Starbucks that you can do yourself at home. I live in a part of the UK where Starbucks doesn't exist Annie is lucky in that respect!!!

 

I have to wait 3 months because it's me and my sisters little shop where we get a coffee and chill out when I meet her from work and stuff. But I can't visit her till my exams are over which is in 3 months.

 

But it will give me something to look forwards to!

Miya

[al7]

No Al - I didn't mean LITERALLY to go up and TALK to these women. Just, to pretend (in my head!!!) if I were a man, and I wanted to approach a woman, who would it be?

 

I understand Annie.

Still I think my point is valid: most approachable looking women are not the best women to date. Think about it: most likely they are already taken, since all guys want to approach them.

Their approachability in fact works against men in this case: men approach approachable women, find out they are taken... and they, men, got frustrated...Why? Cuz they chose the simpliet way....and it is not the best way.

Please think about it, it is not that obvious.

[al7]

Well I'm not sure if you buy mochas from Starbucks that you can do yourself at home.

 

Ask you sister to buy that coffee from Starbucks and make it at home.

Sure you can buy it and then cook at home. No need to long for it for so long.

[Mysterious Gurl]

good idea! Why didn't I think of that! ](*,)

 

Miya

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Guys - what would you think if a girl struck up a conversation like this with you somewhere? Would you think that she was weird and intrusive?

If a woman approached me in Starbucks, I would run up the highest hill, spin around with my arms spread out, shouting, ¶YES! YES! THE HILLS ARE ALIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOUNDS OF STARBUUUUUCKS!¶

[annie24]

Guys - what would you think if a girl struck up a conversation like this with you somewhere? Would you think that she was weird and intrusive?

If a woman approached me in Starbucks, I would run up the highest hill, spin around with my arms spread out, shouting, ¶YES! YES! THE HILLS ARE ALIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOUNDS OF STARBUUUUUCKS!¶

 

You are so funny! Wow - well, it sounds like one big resounding YES to approaching the random starbuck's guy!

[al7]

Kyoshiro Ogari: If a woman approached me in Starbucks, I would run up the highest hill, spin around

 

Well I guess this is exactly why women do not approach guys: most of us, guys, would be so eager to talk to a girl.. and women do not like "eager" guys who are just happy with any kind of women.

Women do like selective, picky guys.

It is simple: a selective guy is hard to get...so it appear he's got some value.. just because he is hard to get.

[annie24]

Al.... Haven't you read a thing I wrote? I didn't approach him because I was scared!!! I didn't want to bug him! I didn't want him to think I was weird! In those two minutes standing next to him, waiting for my coffee, I wasn't thinking that he was picky or that he was overeager or anything.