Mother's Approval?

[melangey]

So, I met my current guy through a "set up" neither of us saw coming or wanted. We hit it off, but I feel like things have changed. When I asked him how he felt about me, he struggled. He said a few things he likes about me and then he said: "My mom told me 'You're never going to find another girl that close to your age, at the same point in life as you, who likes you.'" Not a direct quote and DEFINITELY not true... but...

 

HE NEVER EVEN TOLD ME WHY HE CHOSE ME! Just that I'm smart and pretty. Yes, we haven't known each other long, but is this guy just lonely? Is this him just being super awkward or is he doing it for his mom? I kind of want to break up with him, because it's LDR and he isn't the best at communicating, but I'm not even sure of our status. I tried to break it off yesterday and he panicked and talked me into giving it another shot. What in the what? He's said he's a commitmentphobe and I... kind of just feel like an idiot even asking all of this. Maybe I just needed to rant. I'm pretty hurt and confused right now. Why do human beings do these things??

 

Additionally, I'm considering moving to a town just an hour out from where he lives. It'd be a long move, I'd have to move my horse (it's for horse training certification) and car... but I have family there. It's an opportunity I think I've always wanted, but this guy is making me feel unwelcome and unliked. It's hard to describe, but I KNOW I'm doing some of this for myself. I'm checking out the town again to make sure it's definitely not because of him, but I fear it might be...

[gebaird]

How long have the two of you been in an LDR? A guy who can't communicate or express emotions seems like a liability in almost any relationship. It sounds like his mom isn't really helping his self-esteem.

 

In the beginning stages of a relationship, like the first few weeks, it's probably too soon to express real feelings other than interest in pursing it. But if you're anywhere beyond that I would expect a much better answer.

 

I'd take the "smart and pretty" and run with it, but leave the rest -- and maybe this guy -- behind. Then you'll know for certain that you're moving to the area for your own sake and not for him.

[ThatwasThen]

An hour away is still not the best of situations for someone who you claim is a "commitmentphobe." Leave him to his phobia and just find someone in the town where you happen to live... where ever that may end up being.

 

I also wonder how long you've actually been dating (in his actual company) because you may be jumping the gun on wanting him to puke his emotional guts out to you. So how long have you been dating and how often do you actually get to see one another?

[catfeeder]

"My mom told me 'You're never going to find another girl that close to your age, at the same point in life as you, who likes you.'"

 

If a guy would buy this enough to repeat it to me, I'd tell him that his mother sounds like a lovely woman...and I'd run for the hills.

 

It sounds a bit 'Norman Bates' to me. A guy pulling his mother's opinion into an intimate discussion of 'his' feelings for me would be too bizarre to get upset about--until I was far away.