marriage break up

[goatjazz3]

Morning is here again.

The weekend.... Dread...

But so far I am ok.

Been to the local car boot, got some golf clubs, and balls.

So the rest of the day I will watch some tv, not much else to do.

It's raining here, so can't really go out.

Will treat myself tonight with a Chinese take away.

So anyway, lets get through the weekend together.

Goatjazz

[goatjazz3]

Morning.

Ok this morning I guess.

Seeing my daughter later so excited .

Playing golf by the sea, only pitch n putt but hopefully should be fun.

Not sure how I feel tho. Just empty again.

 

Oh well got to get on with life.

 

Gary

[goatjazz3]

Well we played golf, it was great fun.

Took my mind off stuff which was great.

Got the docs tomorrow so see what they say.

Catch up later.

[Nakano]

i don't understand either why they try and push divorce through so quick. Me and my H have been apart for a month and already he's pushing and pushing for divorce. I told mine the same. I said I am in no hurry to get married again and I probably never will so I have no interest in a "quickie" divorce. I believed in my marriage vows and he may not get that but I can't go and instigate it, which is what he wants. It just adds another layer of pain to what they have already done.

[goatjazz3]

I know. I don't get it...if she wants one, then she can sort it out...

Unreasonable behaviour, lol....she kicked me out!...i wanted to try and save the marriage....

[goatjazz3]

Just read your thread nakano. I am sorry got what you are going through. It's awful. But you had find the right things. You more need to look after yourself. Make sure you are eating, drinking and exercise.

But feel free to join my threads.

I have one about weekends and joining up to stay strong!.

Weekends suck.

Feel free to read and join our little group. I have coyote, unscrewed, lees78 and a few more all working together to get us in a better place

Gaz

Xxx

[Nakano]

Just read your thread nakano. I am sorry got what you are going through. It's awful. But you had find the right things. You more need to look after yourself. Make sure you are eating, drinking and exercise.

But feel free to join my threads.

I have one about weekends and joining up to stay strong!.

Weekends suck.

Feel free to read and join our little group. I have coyote, unscrewed, lees78 and a few more all working together to get us in a better place

Gaz

Xxx

 

Thanks Gaz, I would actually love to join your group and hopefully we can all support each other an get through all this together!

 

Honestly these people we got involved with have no idea what they threw away! They really don't.

[goatjazz3]

I know!...

I am in the UK,coyote is in USA , and can't remember where unscrewed is lol...lees78 is uk also.

But feel free. Where are you from.?

Not that it matters as we are all in this together.

[Nakano]

I know!...

I am in the UK,coyote is in USA , and can't remember where unscrewed is lol...lees78 is uk also.

But feel free. Where are you from.?

Not that it matters as we are all in this together.

��

 

I'm also in the UK. I just keep trying to tell myself that someone who could throw away our marriage so easily was never worth the investment in the first place! Sometimes I succeed and feel ok, sometimes it overwhelms me. But I guess that's normal.

[goatjazz3]

Yes, I don't get it. We both seemed like we really tried, I know I was far from perfect in my relationship and made mistakes, didn't always show her the love, and I pulled back sometimes. I was not always great with money and borrowed from her, but was trying to make more money and pay her back. But we were married and it's give and take, maybe I took more than I gave but things change and you support each other....i don't get it, she bailed out and I didn't want to give up.

... Sounds like your ex did the same.

But it's very hard for us left behind to make any sense of it.

[Nakano]

i did so much for my ex. He had visa problems (he wasn't British) so I actually went to another country with him to supposedly enable us to stay together. Then he dumped me, then asked me to lie to immigration in that country and pretend we were still together (which is actually a major crime) so he could have a "new life" there without me. When I said no he got angry and blamed me for wanting to ruin his life! Um no I just didn't want to go to prison! But equally, he had no status to be there without me! Why should he get his new life there?

 

I'm not angry he left me as such, when he first did that we did talk about it an he agreed to try an work on things (though changed his mind 2 days later!) I'm angry that he threw away our marriage so easily. I was ready to try and for it not to work. Heck he was actually abusive to the point where he had physically attacked me on occasion. So maybe I would have said ok this isn't working. It's the fact he "froze me out" of his life like I was nothing.

 

As you said, things are never perfect, we all make mistakes, we all have things we could do better. I was no angel either. But marriage is supposed to mean something.

[Lees78]

Yes they are all stupid for throwing away such fine examples of humanity as us. People that were willing to be adult and work on stuff. It is so damn frustrating that not everyone feels the same about relationships as us. We have such a throw away society, but we are a beacon of hope amongst the dross.

 

Such a waste for them. We must continue on stronger, knowing that we did our best and being proud of that.

[goatjazz3]

Morning everyone.

Well Monday morning, great....

Just feels like every other day at the moment.

I have no motivation, nothing. Just sitting here with a cup of tea.

Not got work today, but doubt I would go if I did. I have docs this afternoon, I just can't shift this feeling of emptiness.

I know I have to go back to work sometime but I am not ready to face it all.... Feel lost.

I am weak and broken.

[Unscrewed]

Morning GJ,

 

It's rainy where I live, so I won't be able to go out for a while. Right now, I'm waiting for food, it's about the only motivation I have at the moment, lol. I dreamed of my ex, reunion, as if things could go back to the way they were. Dreaming about a demon killing mortals is way more entertaining. Did you sleep well?

After lunch, I should motivate myself to do some cleaning up. I do prefer the messy look over the empty look when I first arrived my apartment, but I should make it's more like a living area. If I have some time left, I will go to IKEA. An empty apartment is a dreadful sight to behold.

 

And Nakano, wow, what a story! It's probably clear to you he was trying to use you. In my case, it's a bit reversed. I wasn't British, he ditched me. He said he was a realist. Then he must have been a deluded one. I did tell him it might take a decade for me to sort the visa thing, and he was confident we could make it in 5. Still, I was relieved. I had waken up many nights thinking "Oh god, am I going to be deported next and have to leave him?". Some pressure has certainly taken off of me.

 

Oh well, let us slowly gather the broken pieces of our heart and mend them.

[Nakano]

Morning everyone.

Well Monday morning, great....��

Just feels like every other day at the moment.

I have no motivation, nothing. Just sitting here with a cup of tea.

Not got work today, but doubt I would go if I did. I have docs this afternoon, I just can't shift this feeling of emptiness.

I know I have to go back to work sometime but I am not ready to face it all.... Feel lost.

I am weak and broken.

��

 

Good morning 😊

 

Works a difficult one. I've had to keep coming here as I work through an agency and if I don't work I don't get paid, so have had little choice. Although in all honesty I think I would feel worse at home. Too much "thinking time" 🙄 But it's hard as I don't want my colleagues to know yet as I don't want to break down, so I'm having to keep up the charade that all is ok in my life!

 

Ironically my husband dumped me a very short time before he was due to collect his residence card in that country. He said he felt he had to as he wouldn't want me, or anyone else, thinking he'd stayed with me for that. But then immediately he asks me to lie 😳 So I can only assume he thought I was so under his control that I would do it anyway. But in a weird way it's even more insulting! Like was I so unbearable to be with that he couldn't even hang on when he knew how much was at stake?

 

I hope it goes well at the docs.

 

Unscrewed, that is an awful situation for you. Your right in that all we can do now is try to mend.

[goatjazz3]

Thank you both.

I have sorted my self out a bit, still feel rubbish, and down.

But I have been to the supermarket and got some bits for the week ahead.

Made myself a coffee, and now back at my mums.

Docs is at five, so lots of time to wait.

Might read, or watch a film.

Its my birthday on Wednesday, so that will be a really weird day.... Not sure if the ex will contact me, I hope not really.

Then I still keep thinking about this holiday, supposed to have been going to Turkey in two weeks time...i obviously won't be going , but she is with her daughter now, going to be crap.

Anyway I will see what the doc says and go with his advice.

I do need to get back to work but I will see.

Maybe go back on reduced hours for a while.

Thanks again guys.

Big hugs xxx

[1a1a]

Going back to work isn't a terrible idea, especially if it's work you like.

 

I wonder, could you schedule an adventure of your own at the time when your trip was meant to be? Even better, could you find a person to come with you? (Or go on the kind of trip where there will be a group of people, the word "tour" comes to mind).

 

*fist bump* That crushing sadness is normal, it will dissipate with time and activity and people

[goatjazz3]

Yes maybe, thank you, I might try and work though the holiday, and take some time off when I move into my flat.

I week look into some sort of coach tour maybe.

Thank you

[goatjazz3]

Morning,

Have been to the supermarket and got a kettle and a toaster for the flat so new stuff when I move in.

Feeling ok ish...i think.

Just can't get motivated to do much.

Still going back to work on Friday for a few hours.

Just want October to get here and I can move.

[goatjazz3]

Ok, so today is my birthday....

Not exactly celebration time tho.

I had an email from ex.

She said she was not sure if to send one or not, but she did.... Just said happy birthday... And then she told me that the pet dog was not very well.

....

So I replied with just a thank you.

 

Not doing much today. Just feel like rubbish.

 

Oh well, one day at a time.

[goatjazz3]

Hi, so its been a week since I last posted.

Feeling slightly better each day. Baby steps.

Have met some great people on this site, some who I have now on fb, and I hope they will start good friends in years to come.

I would like to thank everyone for the advice and suggestions made on my thread. Some useful, some not.

But its nice to know that people take the time to read my story and offer advice and support.

Anyway, I am back at work, on reduced hours for the moment. But it makes me get out of bed in the morning.

I still miss the ex, and have a big week next week to get through. She is off on holiday, something we booked together. She is taking her daughter now....

So any help, advice on what I should do over those two and a bit weeks. I am not taking my holiday from work, so will be working thru those weeks....and taking my holiday in October, when I move back into my flat.

Thanks 😁

[goatjazz3]

Hi,

So another week another hurdle.

Today she went on holiday without me. Then I get a letter from her solicitor, about the separation agreement.

So I guess a pretty crappy day.

So its over, no more to fight for. Time to move on. In a few weeks I will be back in my flat and starting again.

Never thought it would get to this point, clearly she has done one on me.

Time to look after myself now and start the whole process again.

I hope she has a crap holiday and gets eaten by a shark or something....

[goatjazz3]

Hi, quick update for you all.

Three months today since break up.

Got the keys to my flat and have started the move.

Have two weeks off so will move in over the weeks.

Taking things slowly but

each day is a step forward.

Have plucked up the courage and been out on date, meet a lovely lady who I click with.

So just going with the flow.

So that's me.... Moving on.

Not had much contact with ex, just the odd message, but all things that need sorting like a sick dog .

Catch you soon.

Goat