Is this the right place?

[navyken]

Wondering if I should post something I did which was wrong in my marriage.

If I was to tell even my closest friends, they would understandably lose all respect for me. Feeling incredibly alone but I deserve it. God I hate myself beyond words

[jjkk]

Sounds like you want to get something off your chest.

[navyken]

Good guess

[LightWave93]

Shoot! We'll listen and offer advice/support.

[navyken]

After 12 years of marriage I fell of the fidelity wagon. I'm disgusted with myself and I won't argue with anyone who wants to call me the lowest form of life on earth. I don't what to do now. I can't sleep. I can't focus on anything.

Even if my wife never finds out, they'll always be one person who will know. ME. If she does find out, my life as I know it is over. I'll lose my kids, my house, my friends, pretty much everything. All of which I fully deserve.

Pretty ironic how just a few minutes can virtually destroy everything you have. The worst of course is hurting the person you care so much about. We've never had a good marriage and intimacy between us for the most part has been non existent for years. Without the kids, we wouldn't be together. None of that matters course. I don't feel much love between us but I still care about her and the thought of her crying her eyes out over my betrayal, is tearing me up inside.

Wow. I could ever unring the bell, this would be the time

[LightWave93]

It's perhaps needless to say that I don't condone cheating nor do believe it can be justified, however I can accept that there are certain pressures, feelings etc that lead one to commit infidelity. It seems here, in your case, there is a lack of love and passion in your marriage.

 

So, with that in mind, may I ask why the love and passion between you both has deteriorated? Why has it been "non-existent for years"? In the past have you made steps to address this? What is your relationship like with your wife otherwise? You quite clearly care a lot about your wife (and by extension, family) because otherwise your actions would not have left you feeling this way, yet at the same time from how you describe I wouldn't say this was much of a marriage at all.

 

At this time I won't pass any comment on whether or not you should tell her. That is your call and we can only provide suggestions. You do, however, come across as sincere and regretful of what you have done, so I can only hope that one day you find forgiveness within your self. We are human, and we do make mistakes.

[navyken]

It's perhaps needless to say that I don't condone cheating nor do believe it can be justified, however I can accept that there are certain pressures, feelings etc that lead one to commit infidelity. It seems here, in your case, there is a lack of love and passion in your marriage.

 

So, with that in mind, may I ask why the love and passion between you both has deteriorated? Why has it been "non-existent for years"? In the past have you made steps to address this? What is your relationship like with your wife otherwise? You quite clearly care a lot about your wife (and by extension, family) because otherwise your actions would not have left you feeling this way, yet at the same time from how you describe I wouldn't say this was much of a marriage at all.

 

At this time I won't pass any comment on whether or not you should tell her. That is your call and we can only provide suggestions. You do, however, come across as sincere and regretful of what you have done, so I can only hope that one day you find forgiveness within your self. We are human, and we do make mistakes.

 

Thank you so much for what you said and didn't say.

The marriage was the result of a shot gun type wedding. Maybe closer to a 9mm pressed behind my ear type wedding but point being, I didn't want to be an absent father to my little girl. We've always been so different but we've been trying to keep our differences from getting in the way of raising our young girls.

For me, and once again, I feel terrible for feeling this way but in 12 years, she has packed on over 50 lbs in a seemingly uncaring way. Sex between us for the most part is next to impossible. Certainly not fun. But again, as you said, none of that makes any difference. She may have led this horse to water but I never should have drank it.

[LightWave93]

I didn't want to be an absent father to my little girl.

 

That made me smile. Thank you for being a devoted father.

 

 

How did the opportunity to cheat come about?

[navyken]

Bookeeper. Many hours of auditing my books at her house. Late nights led to "how about a glass of wine?" You fill in the blanks. Hate myself

[Capricorn3]

OP: Do you want this thread to be moved to the more appropriate Infidelity forum? Or did you want to keep this as a journal?

[navyken]

OP: Do you want this thread to be moved to the more appropriate Infidelity forum? Or did you want to keep this as a journal?

 

Yes please. Move it as appropriate. Thanks

[Capricorn3]

Thread has been moved.