Is this just a friend or am I missing something?

[wondering731]

I became friendly with this girl . In person, she's always very friendly and cute. We went to a lounge one night to drink (probably over a month ago). She talked about everything and she was asking questions about me and back and forth. She invited me over to her place after. We were having a good time, but when I leaned in she said I'm a good friend and gave several excuses. It seemed like she was upset that I tried. I backed off and left it as is.

 

When I see her now she keeps asking me to come by her work on the weekends (as a bartender). I said it's ok and that I do dumb things when I drink. She asks me every week. She said she would take care of any bill and she just wants me to come. When I said it's ok, she asked about us just hanging out at a place she knows I like. I said ok.

 

I'm trying to wrap my head around this situation. Wondering if anyone has insight. I considered that maybe she changed her mind, but if I text her, her responses are usually brief. I'm not sure if she's trying to make up for anything either.

 

Thanks

[Wiseman2]

It may have been too soon. What were her 'reasons'?

She invited me over to her place after. We were having a good time, but when I leaned in she said I'm a good friend and gave several excuses.

[DancingFool]

You are in the friendzone and she is just being friendly. Sorry.

[Tanzi]

It sounds like she still values your friendship. Could you handle a friendship with her?

[wondering731]

It may have been too soon. What were her 'reasons'?

 

She had met my ex. She said she respects her too much for us to do anything. She knew she was my ex now so it didn't really make sense to me.

[wondering731]

It sounds like she still values your friendship. Could you handle a friendship with her?

 

For the most part I could, but she is a very touchy feely type of person in general, so if I drink and hang out with her I feel, I guess, confused. I'm not sure how to properly explain that.

[Wolfshook]

Let me guess,she is all over you when you two are together (hugs you,holds your hand,teases you,etc), she really likes to talk about herself and her problems, she often says that you are a great guy and she would love to date somebody like you, when you two are together people say you are cute couple and you have to awkwardly explain that you are just friends, you try to make a move but she says that she doesnt want to compromise your relationship.

 

If that's so, you my friend are friendzoned. There are 3 possible outcomes,you swollow your feelings and remain friends with her, and understand that you will most probably never be together,you buils your friendship in mutual equality (the type where when you talk about yourself she listens,it's not always about her,etc).

 

2) you remain friends with her but secretly hope that you will end up together, you keep listening about her problems and whenever you want to say something she turns the topic on her. You secretly hope that you will end up together, untill she starts dating some jerk. You start resenting them both and yourself because you wasted x amount of time on her,hopelesly in love. You diminish your possibilities with other girls because you wait on this one.

 

3) You are a clever guy and you are honest to yourself and realize that you cant just be her friend and you two simply grow apart.

 

Good luck.

[Tanzi]

For the most part I could, but she is a very touchy feely type of person in general, so if I drink and hang out with her I feel, I guess, confused. I'm not sure how to properly explain that.

 

I get it. There's a bit of flirtation on her part because she enjoys the attention and there's hope on yours because you fancy her. Maybe you need to put some distance between you for a while.