advice needed please

[amberjane]

Hi im new to the board and would really be gratefull for your advice and to share your sories with me.

 

I have been beliving my partner has been up tp no good for a while now for severl reasons. One i found a reciept in his coat pocket for a meal for two paid fo by cash which fit with the day he was away from the office. once he was late home from work he claims the normally 20 min journey took him 2 and a half hours because of traffic, i know this is not true because we live in the country and there are many roads h could have took to get out of the jam. He also has had stains in his underware and i found on my computer he had search up dogging sites in the location we live. Dogging is where poeple go to have sex in their cars where people can watch or poeple go to hook up with a stranger and have sex with them.

 

I have confronted him on two occasions and the first time he just cryed saying that he has not done anything and that he dont know how the reciept got in his pocket and that it was not his ect ect. He proclaimed how much he loved. The second time i asked him about searching up Dogging and he said he wasont him even got angry with me telling me i was f****** with his head and that tere was somthing wrong with me . Again he swore on our kids lives and said he would never ever cheat and said th stains in his underware were from self sex in bed.

 

The problem is i dont know when he could when he could have had self sex in bed as we retire together. there was no one else in the house at the time who could have typed in dogging and it was in with other things that i know he looked up. the stains in his underware fit with the date of the meal for two and the lateness home.

 

My problem is he sounded so convinceing when proclaiming his innocence, would he really sware on our kids lifes could he be innocent am i going mad, Please can you help with your views men and womens advice please, How far would the lies go to get out of this, your expreinces would be very helpfull thank you.

[ang3l2004]

Watch yourself girl because you have alot of proof though snooping is not good,I would seriously start preparing to find out something more worse then the things you have the reason I am saying this is because you have found things and I guess the receipt just jumped into his pockets and the sites were just there to be there,I dont know you might want to start guarding your heart now before you seriously get hurt,Im not saying he is doing these things but I am saying watch yourself because there is alot of fishy stuff happening that you explained.I wish you the best of luck with this keep me posted

[sonjam]

Some people look up sites on the net, to satisfy their curiosity, but would never actually do the things they fantasise about. Im not defending your man, I just want you to make sure that you are not being paranoid and seeing things were there is nothing.

 

BUT, some people would lie and swear on their mothers grave to protect themselves from the imbarrasment of being caught. If he's being unfaithfull, you can be sure that he's going to make extra effort not to be caught that easilly agian.

 

If he makes an issue out of your accusations, and react agresively, it could well be that he's feeling guilty. If he dismisses it, and pretend nothing's happened, he might be innocent, but then, people react differently to being caught.

 

My suggestion: watch him, but don't let him know you are doing it. Stop the accusations etc, until he relaxes and you get more proof, or no proof at all. You already tried confronting him, and he denied everything.

 

The only other option is to decide hes guilty and take action, or believe his innocense, but beware you saw smoke....usually where there's smoke,... theres a fire

[Sarah Washington]

I am so sorry to infrom you but he is cheating on you. From my own past experiences i have learned that guys will lie about anything, on anything, and to anyone, even their wives and children. Do not let yourself become a victim of infidelity. This sounds like a relationship that you need to get out of.

[samoore727]

amberjane:

 

I also discovered things about my husband on our home computer E-mail and e-mail love cards from some woman saying she couldn't wait to be together with him again, she loved him, etc. Being the type of person who must be fully informed, I started looking into more and more ways to discover who this woman was and the extent of their relationship.

 

My husband denied everything in the beginning (of course). Then I would discover something, for instance the cell phone bills I never got to review, and take it to him for answers. The more I found out and told him about, the more he was forced to be honest with me.

 

Someone once told me the "cheaters code". "Never admit. When confronted, deny. When exposed, tell the least possible". This sure was true in my situation. I finally told my husband I was sending our computer hard drive to a computer forensics lab, telling him I would then know everything he had ever done on our computer. He knew I would find out everything, so he decided to finally be honest with me. Believe me, I wouldn't have found out the truth if I hadn't gone after the proof myself.

 

I realize some people would call a lot of what I was doing "snooping", but being a wife in a two-way relationship, I believed I had the right to know what was going on, so investigate I did. I wasn't happy with what I discovered, but believe it or not, it has helped me heal. God knows what kind of state I would be in emotionally if I hadn't taken matters into my own hands and insisted on knowing the truth......

[Abacab]

Can't speculate why the receipt was in his pocket, but I know for a fact that your family PC could have been hacked without your slightest knowledge.

 

The other day I reinstalled the operation system and connected to the internet for about 10 minutes... Lo and behold; spyware and worms appeared everywhere, and yes, in my IExplorer "hosts" file, there was a list of over 50 porn sites!

 

Cheers