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How do I show appreciation?

thornz

By thornz
in Relationship Advice

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thornz Experienced

thornz

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I have a hard time showing appreciation to people or accepting help when it's offered. My default response to somebody being nice to me is suspicion and occasionally anger. Even simply saying thank you for a lovely thought/suggestion is something that I find hard.

 

I've improved my self esteem to a point where I only accept good treatment, but how do I show appreciation for it? My partner is very thoughtful and makes a lot of sweet gestures but I am struggling to ensure he even feels like I acknowledge it, let alone appreciate it. I don't want him to feel taken for granted. I do the best I can to reciprocate by doing little things here and there.

 

Any suggestions on how to be more accepting and treasure his gestures? Going to send him a little message to thank him for the things he does, but going forward I would like to improve how I respond to people when they are nice to me.

 

Thanks.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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Yes maybe I should try and consider that and I wouldn't be so suspicious and get annoyed haa.

 

Consider the suspicion and annoyance a leftover habit from lousy self esteem. It's a default reaction that believes that something must be required of you to be 'worthy enough' when you don't have the energy to reciprocate. But if you'll consider yourself already worthy of enjoying the good stuff, then you can view the thoughtfulness of others as a shared celebration rather than as a threat of exposing your fearfulness.

 

I like to preface or follow my 'thank you' with a mention that I view the gesture as being thoughtful. For instance, "That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you." Or, "Thank you, that's so thoughtful of you."

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thornz Experienced

thornz

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Consider the suspicion and annoyance a leftover habit from lousy self esteem. It's a default reaction that believes that something must be required of you to be 'worthy enough' when you don't have the energy to reciprocate. But if you'll consider yourself already worthy of enjoying the good stuff, then you can view the thoughtfulness of others as a shared celebration rather than as a threat of exposing your fearfulness.

 

I like to preface or follow my 'thank you' with a mention that I view the gesture as being thoughtful. For instance, "That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you." Or, "Thank you, that's so thoughtful of you."

 

Yes, definitely a bad habit that needs kicking up the butt.

 

I guess I feel vulnerable when I allow others to do things for me. It's not a feeling I'm used to, nor do I like it. Maybe it will grow on me? Until then I will just have to be mindful of how I respond. He catches me off guard a lot, then I feel horrible for responding terribly.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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You see it's a matter of mature graciousness. Think of a two year old screaming that they want to tie their shoes themselves. Acknowledging people's kindness or generosity is all you need to do. No need to be either defensive or obsequious.

Yes, definitely a bad habit that needs kicking up the butt
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thornz Experienced

thornz

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You see it's a matter of mature graciousness. Think of a two year old screaming that they want to tie their shoes themselves. Acknowledging people's kindness or generosity is all you need to do. No need to be either defensive or obsequious.

 

I'm the same when people thank me or apologise. It makes me feel so uncomfortable. Just something I need to unlearn and get used to.

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