Online Dating Question For All Guys

[al7]

What is an approximate success ratio for you in online dating:

number of emails you sent to women in order to get one reply

from a woman?

 

For example: you usually had to send 10 emails to 10 different women

in order to receive a reply from one of them and 9 didn't reply.

So the ratio is 1 to 10.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I am going to answer this question in a few weeks, as I've decided to take the plunge, shell out $30, and e-mail 20 women with my pic attached.

 

On a side note, a good friend of mine tried link removed and failed miserably. He e-mailed about 20-30 women, got 3 responses, but none of them followed up. So his ratio was 1/10. He's a good looking buy, but unfortunately his picture did not flatter him well.

[mtastic]

I've been using link removed now on and off for about a year. I'll admit I tend to be fiarly picky with who i'll contact, so i don't usually send out too many emails at once (I think the most I've ever done is like 5 over two days or so).As for my success rate, its fairly low, maybe not 1 in 10, but at least 1 in 8 or 9. I find that although my emails get responces on occasion, I do better when they leave an instant message contact, and i can introduce myself in a more live conversation. I've found this to be the most successful method of contacting someone. On the other side of that, I've had several women contact me as well, so you must remember that it can work both ways.

 

Good luck,

mtastic

[al7]

 

On a side note, a good friend of mine tried link removed and failed miserably. He e-mailed about 20-30 women, got 3 responses, but none of them followed up. So his ratio was 1/10. He's a good looking buy, but unfortunately his picture did not flatter him well.

 

Good luck with it!

 

And you know.. I don't think he failed. I guess he aced it kinda

3 out of 20 for match? That exactly what I got with very good pics (maybe even I myself is not so goodlooking as teh pics). When I had my average pics I didn't get even 1 out of 30-40.

[al7]

I've been using link removed now on and off for about a year. I'll admit I tend to be fiarly picky with who i'll contact, so i don't usually send out too many emails at once (I think the most I've ever done is like 5 over two days or so).As for my success rate, its fairly low, maybe not 1 in 10, but at least 1 in 8 or 9. I find that although my emails get responces on occasion, I do better when they leave an instant message contact, and i can introduce myself in a more live conversation. I've found this to be the most successful method of contacting someone. On the other side of that, I've had several women contact me as well, so you must remember that it can work both ways.

 

 

mtastic,

 

Thanks for the data. it appear even from teh start we have some setady data regarding match: 1 in 9 is as good as we (3 people already) can get. Isn't it interesting? what do the rest of 8 girl think? Why is this so hard? I don't understand the actual reasons so far but I have a gut fleeing it is all about two thing in your profile: your head shot pic and your income. If you have the best pic and the best income, I guesrantee you women would sent you tons of emails: you wouldn't even have to do anything. How funny I thought and did that unethical experiment, oh yeah it worked as predicted. Deleted data about income: wow, still lot sof responses. Hmmmm.....we all are wired for an attractive face?

[Prosper]

Hi Pals,

 

Dating comes with a word 'beauty'. Marriage comes with a word 'smile'. Mind me a little humuor, if your picture can enables her to smile, thats a good marriage to come.

[al7]

Hi Pals,

 

Dating comes with a word 'beauty'. Marriage comes with a word 'smile'. Mind me a little humuor, if your picture can enables her to smile, thats a good marriage to come.

 

First of all, according to what YOU said I don't think marriage comes

without or before "beauty". if you got no "beauty" percieved by her (I mean good pics) you don't even have dating let alone marriage.

 

Still, lets test the "smile" thing: does this pic of me enable her to smile?

If yes, are we talking about marriage or a clown guy here?

image removed

[melrich]

I used link removed once and I guess I got lucky. I got about 30 responses from women over about 6 weeks or so but I did not think any were suited. In the same time I sent 4 messages to women (I was pretty picky and relied mainly on the words they used in their profile). anyway from those 4 I got two responses. Of those two I decided to meet with one and we have been together nearly 2 years now.

 

I really think the secret is in what you write in the profile. A good photo gets them to stop and read but you have to get their attention in the freeform part of the profile. (oh..my picture was of me and my dog, Molly, she is gorgeous and just about every responder said they contacted me because of the cute dog!!!!)

[al7]

1.I got about 30 responses from women over about 6 weeks or so but I did not think any were suited. In the same time I sent 4 messages to women

 

2. I really think the secret is in what you write in the profile.

 

3. (oh..my picture was of me and my dog, Molly, she is gorgeous and just about every responder said they contacted me because of the cute dog!!!!)

 

1. Just want to make sure: you posted somehting creative and was just sitting aorund 6 weeks getting 30 reponses?? (4 is such small number I don't even count it) Wow, you are the man we all have to learn from.

I am not kidding.

 

3. Yeah, thats a really cool prop to start convo with. She doesn't have to think twice: a dog is a good topic to talk about.

I am thinking... maybe I have to bring my dolphine into picture?

thats would be cool too? Or borrow a really cute dog from a friend?

It doesn't really matter whether I have the dog or not, she is not gonna date teh dog anway

 

2. I'd like to disagree with you... though hm, you seem know better what works. Hmmmmm Very hmmm..

So then.. what is you take on the profile? What is the good stuff to write about?

[melrich]

Yeah I read through a lot of guys profiles before I wrote mine. They are all a variation of the "Great sense of humor, fun to be around, live on the edge, friends call me good looking, trustworthy...etc....variety."

 

So try for something a bit more off the wall. I hate to use this generalisation but I will, women like a good looking guy but I think most like an interesting mind more. If you are the same as everyone else then all you have is the photo, if you can interets someone in your mind then the photo does not matter so much.

 

The other tip I'll give you is if you do meet someone you like, don't spend weeks chatting on line. Try and meet before you know whether they have their back teeth or not.

[Prosper]

Hi Al7,

Haha! Thats a funny picture. But no, i am not marrying you for sure.

 

What i means is that attraction is like chemistry which is needed for a date to start. Would u date someone whom u are disinterested and looks disgusting? I bet you dont.

[OceanEyes]

So try for something a bit more off the wall. I hate to use this generalisation but I will, women like a good looking guy but I think most like an interesting mind more. If you are the same as everyone else then all you have is the photo, if you can interets someone in your mind then the photo does not matter so much.

 

Richgabe is right on target. I think it's pretty rare that guys on dating sites even take the time to read the woman's profile, or to investigate the profiles of other men. I think that finding something that is a bit different, or an "eye-catcher" is a really good idea.

 

Regarding photos: I won't lie, they matter. How you look in your photos will be at least 60-70% responsible for you getting replies. Just think of it this way: If a woman messaged you, and you weren't impressed by her photos at all (ie. she was morbidly obese, had really bad skin, etc.), would you be quick to reply?

 

Remember Al - Most attractive women on dating sites get A LOT of e-mails. There is a good chance that she probably just goes through them, and sorts through by the pictures alone.

 

When you post photos on dating sites, don't keep them all from the general public, have at least one available. I would be skeptical of a guy if all of his photos were out of viewing from everyone. Also, don't have photos that are too formal, or that don't flatter you. The best photos are natural ones that you have, even if they are old photos, of you on a trip somewhere, at a party, playing a sport, etc. Just something that shows you in a natural state. Also, you can have 10 pictures of yourself, but if you look depressed and are not smiling in any of them, you bring your eligability down by about 50%.

 

Lastly, when you send a woman an e-mail, try to think 'out of the box' a little bit, and read her profile - it will give you information about who she is and what she likes.

[al7]

Good post, thanks!

 

1. Thats where I agree with you 100%. Though I personally do not care

how good her skin is, nit looking for a perfect makeup user and I don't care what kind of care she got for her hair...it is not somthing I value that much over what kinda person she is, how attractive I find her in general.

It is ok to be overweight, I see no problems with it. "morbidly obese" sounds.. just morbidly of course.

In fact, I would not reply to some makeup artist and a model at all: why would I need somebody with so high maintenance?

 

2. Oh yes, I have this phrase sitting on my desk all the time. Seriously.

 

3. I have never even thought to hide my photos from public. Why would I want to do that? Cuz my coworker might see? first of all I don't have that many coworkers, and even if they see, that means they were dating too.

Yeah that all is true...the problem is how to take good pics?

FOr exmaple last time I took abou 100 shots and? almot none were good.

Photography is art I'd like to learn...

 

I slighlty disagree about party and sports: I reviewed so many profiles with pics where people just holding their beer bottles..It doesn't make any

them unique or sober

 

When you play sports, it is hard to see your face, I guess such pics would not be informative: just write about yoru fav sports why to have pics about it?

 

Smiling. you know what? Look at some male models: most of them are not smiling! I believe they know what they are doing...if some guy or a girl has his smile up to his ears on all of his 10 pics.. well... it would look they they are very average John and Jane Doe, with phony smile and some lack of taste. Sure if you are a girl and got a beautiful smile, show it. But please not teh same smile in all 10 pics.

Not many guys have a good smile. Besides it is better not to smile for guys much.

 

4. Of course I agree with it. The quiestion is how to do that.

It is so easy to say" Hey be unique! add some humor! Make good pics!"

Easy huh? The thign is how to implement it...

[GATSBY]

Hi guys.....would love to discuss this topic.

 

I have been divorced for 5 years after a decade of marriage. Have just put myself back out there....and into this internet dating, which didn't exist when I was dating in my 20's.

 

I have been using link removed. Can't say yet what I really think of it since I only posted my profile 3 weeks ago. I had briefly tried another site but closed my profle because I didn't like certain aspects of it. I had posted my picture on the first one, but have not done so on link removed. No surprise, I get way fewer emails because of no photo.

 

Its good advice....when you want to contact someone, read through their profile and find something that you can mention in the email. It gets attention.

 

I will also admit to being a hypocrite. In the beginning on Match, I only looked at photos. Then I came accross this one photo of a good looking guy, and I read what he had written and I realized what a hypocrite I was being. He had used a photo that was not of himself (as a test), yet his profile was the same one that he had used with no photo. And he stated how many more responses he had gotten because with the "fake" photo. So, I have now been looking at profiles....I mean really looking at what they say. I guess we are all guilty of wanting a pretty face.

[GATSBY]

No....I totally agree with you....I am guilty of it. It is what it is.....there has to be the VaVaVoom.....but I have not always been this way. I married a man who wasn't VaVaVoom because I loved him. The problem was that our sex life sucked and ultimately the marriage collapsed. So, that spark has to be there. Without "chemistry", there is no glue.

[GATSBY]

I can't speak for all women, but Richgabe is right....intelligence is a turn on. Guys....if you don't know this....intelligence and sense of humor are turn ons!!

[al7]

.intelligence is a turn on. Guys....if you don't know this....intelligence and sense of humor are turn ons!!

 

I cannot agree 100% here. Look if you are intelligent, yes sure you like intelligent guys. But what if you are not? Example: by saying PhD I figured out I can scre quite many women off. Many simple satet that brainiacs are a turn off for them.

So by itself intelligence is like some raw meat: it is not that bad, but needs to be cooked (if you know how) and some people can't stand it (ether cooking or they are just vegans).

 

I agree that humor of course is a universal thing almost all people like.

[al7]

 

1. I had posted my picture on the first one, but have not done so on link removed. No surprise, I get way fewer emails because of no photo.

 

2. Its good advice....when you want to contact someone, read through their profile and find something that you can mention in the email. It gets attention.

 

3. He had used a photo that was not of himself (as a test), yet his profile was the same one that he had used with no photo. And he stated how many more responses he had gotten because with the "fake" photo. So, I have now been looking at profiles....I mean really looking at what they say. I guess we are all guilty of wanting a pretty face.

 

1. I guess you will post you pic there too. It is basically the most crucial thing in women's profile.

 

2. Usually when I try doing that, I got respoense like "What?" What are you talking about?" People tend to forget what they wrote in their profile...

 

3. Thats funny, he wrote in teh profile that "it is a test"?

 

4. Do you believe in good pics, for example shot in a photo studio?

[OceanEyes]

 

4. Do you believe in good pics, for example shot in a photo studio?

 

I obviously can't speak for the entire female population, but professionally-done photos are going to send a message: trying too hard.

 

Why would it scare women off that you have a PhD? Are you sure that you're not looking in the wrong places? All I'm saying, is that to any intelligent woman, education is very attractive.

[al7]

1. professionally-done photos are going to send a message: trying too hard.

 

Why would it scare women off that you have a PhD? Are you sure that you're not looking in the wrong places? All I'm saying, is that to any intelligent woman, education is very attractive.

 

1. Really? if he dresses with a style on teh date: thats fine, but good pic are trying too hard? Then women's makeup is also trying too hard, isn't it?

 

2. What wrong places you are talkign about? it is just link removed.

Intelligent women usually are independent and fiancially well off, these women are extremely picky and I see no sense to to send them emails: just waste of time unless you are a millionaire and look like brad pitt. A woman with her Bachelors see a man with PhD as somebody who is not into working hard and makeing money for family.

Money is attraction, a stabel job is attractive, goo looks are attractive.. a an advanced degree for most women sends a wrong message.

When i said "I am working on PhD" it implies I am still a student too.

[Mun]

Money is attraction, a stabel job is attractive, goo looks are attractive.. .

 

Let's say this phrase is correct and money, good looks are attractive and a MUST for you to find a partner. Then why are so many ugly, un-educated, poor people married?

 

You have to look at the big picture.. and then look internally. Is your presentation of yourself good? I have seen your pictures and I told you.. you are a good looking guy. A few small changes in wardrobe and you look even more handsome. So what is wrong? I think you are trying too hard and it comes accross in your email messages to these ladies. Try to keep it simple. Try to lead up to things instead of forcing things to happen.

 

If these ladies do not respond to you then they are not interested... keep looking.

[al7]

1. Let's say this phrase is correct and money, good looks are attractive and a MUST for you to find a partner. Then why are so many ugly, un-educated, poor people married?

 

2. Is your presentation of yourself good?

 

3. I have seen your pictures and I told you.. you are a good looking guy. A few small changes in wardrobe and you look even more handsome.

 

4. So what is wrong?

 

5. I think you are trying too hard and it comes accross in your email messages to these ladies. Try to keep it simple. Try to lead up to things instead of forcing things to happen.

[/color]

 

1. It is not so much about if they are married, it is about to whom they are married. to not so much pretty, rich or educated women. It is a simple socail stratification in action.

I am also sure there are many eduacted, pretty women who are single and will be single. Can they find a decent guy? Sure they can. But they put themsleves so high in social dating strata, that they cannot find anyone who satiffy their requiremnets.

 

2. Though it is super simple question, but I find it a very insightful.. or conducive to to insights.

It depends on what you think is "good".

Good=attractive? Attractive in what sense? Visually? morally?

Personality wise? Attractive for whom...

How would you answer this?

 

3. I guss I just implemented the advice I was given before...

 

4. Money, job, age...they do not match.

 

5. Oh, I am a big believer that trying too hard is a bad thing. Seem online situation is just tough, one lady from 10 bothers to reply...

and how many would survive to the first date?

Online dating sounds good, but it is super tough for men, and it is getting tougher every day. I remember when it all started it was relatively easy to get a date using internet. Now? No way!

[ShySoul]

Original question was what is a good ratio of replies. My answer: it doesn't matter. It's not about how many replies you get, its about just one that actually works out. This could be the first one, it be number 999 (assuming you have the patience to get there). And even if you get none, that doesn't matter either. Chalk it up to bad luck or a bunch of foolish people who are to blind to see what they are missing.

 

As for pictures, appearances can be deceiving. Don't focus on the exterior, but the interior. Not appearance, but substance. And if someone passes you up just because of your picture, they are being shallow and not worth your time anyways. You aren't missing out, they are.

[al7]

Original question was what is a good ratio of replies. My answer: it doesn't matter.

 

Since I am the author I'll clarify: not a "good ratio", but what is your ratio?

What is your ratio?

 

Besides it does matter: the more replies you get, the better.

You won't argue with that saying "The less replies you get the better".

Every normal individual would say "The more the better".

If you say "it doesn't matter" I can conclude you don't care about online dating at all, do you?

[ShySoul]

Since I am the author I'll clarify: not a "good ratio", but what is your ratio?

What is your ratio?

 

Besides it does matter: the more replies you get, the better.

You won't argue with that saying "The less replies you get the better".

Every normal individual would say "The more the better".

If you say "it doesn't matter" I can conclude you don't care about online dating at all, do you?

 

My ratio would be 100%. Zero attempts, zero replies. Ok, you could say that's 0% but I'd prefer to think positive. Your right, I don't care about online dating. Since I've replied to a number of your posts you should know by now that my philosophy is to let things happen naturally. I can meet plenty of people through any number of ways, in person or online. In my everyday life I run into plenty of people. Online I've met people just through sites like this one. I'll get to know the person, be friends, and if something happens, then it happens. If not, no big deal. I honestly can't see the point in paying a bunch of money to put up a profile and hope that someone responds. Odds are nothing will come of it and I'll have wasted the time and money. Dating or relationships aren't something that should be forced or made, they are something that happens.

 

More doesn't necessarily mean better. How are we measuring success? If you are going strictly by numbers then you are right. But if we measure success as finding someone that you truly connect with, having more replies might not be a good thing. Say I did give it a try and got 5 responses whereas you got 50. If those extra responses didn't lead anywhere then we would still be in the same position. So more didn't necessarily help you out there. Say those replies didn't work out, you may end up feeling more discouraged about not being able to find someone that is right. I could shrug off the five and say there are plenty of other people out there. But the more failed attempts you get the more likely you are to wonder why things never work out. Or it could be that the fifth reply you got was perfect for you and everything started going along great. Then those extra ones were unnecessary since you didn't even need to look at them. There's also the chance that you would say to yourself, "well, i have all these replies so I don't want to get to attached to one and miss out on somebody else" and you'll miss the chance with that one who is perfect for you.

 

There are so many possibilites of what could happen. How many replies you get isn't important. What matters is the quality of those replies and whether or not that person is right for you.