Friendship lost over religious conflict :(

[Linlo]

Sigh sigh.

 

One of my best friends decided he didn't want anything to do with me anymore about a month ago, when I became a Christian. He is a very strong atheist, and dislikes Christianity, but I still really don't understand why he can't just accept that this is who I am and respect the decision I have made. I guess I never will understand now, since he doesn't want to see me or talk to me at all!

 

I feel really betrayed. It's hard not to harbour any bad feelings because he has hurt me so much, but I know that it's very important for me to get past this without any resentment or negative feelings towards him. I love him dearly. And I suppose I'm not really angry at him specifically - it's more that I've sort of lost my faith in the meaning of love. Soooo many times he used to tell me how much I meant to him and he demonstrated it on many occasions. And now I'm left wondering... what the heck did any of it really mean? It just seems so fake. It's like, love is only important when it's convenient. Gah. I've been trying not to let it get to me and haven't really talked to anybody about it, except my mum briefly, because it's a bit of a touchy subject I guess.

 

What bugs me most is that I miss him. I used to tell him everything - we were really close. And now I can't talk to him because he doesn't want to hear from me, and I respect his wishes so I'm not going to intrude. Though I really do hope that someday he decides to let me in again. I'm worried about him. I know he was going through a rough patch and shutting out one of his best friends doesn't seem like the most sensible option. But oh well, who am I to judge. Guh. Just frustrating.

 

I don't know why I'm posting about it here. Just wondering if anybody's ever been through anything similiar, maybe, or has any thoughts on it. Yeah...

 

[DN]

It is tough for you - one of the tests of your faith is one way to look at it. He may come around in time but I would not count on it. Put your faith in your god and trust this has a meaning for you.

[tiger_lilies]

Religion can be a very touchy subject especially for those who have no faith. I find that they don't seem to understand where our 'blind faith' comes from.

 

It's not your fault that he choose to shut you out. It is his own ignorance on religion that has caused him to do this.

 

I wonder if perhaps since you found faith, that you could've possibly tried directing him towards that path too? This will be extremely difficult for an athiest to accept. I have friends who have no faith and I do not talk to them about my religion (Roman Catholic) because I am not one to impose my faith onto others. Just wondering...

[tanned_production]

My boyfriend believes in god... altho he is not a christian. I admit, I'm not the best christian there is... but I believe in God and I try to obey him in things I do... its a VERY touchy subject...

 

Your best friend (ex?) is probably feeling scared... and maybe isnt ready to hear about your views on things... he doesnt want to be challenged.

 

Maybe if you talk to him... tell him you just want your friendship back and you won't be all preachy and trying to convert him...He'll be a little more open to a friendship with you. And stick to what you've said... witness to him if he's open to it... if you don't, he'll probably get angry and that won't solve anything, in fact, it will make things worse.

 

best of luck

[Linlo]

Thanks for the responses

 

tiger_lilies - I agree that our seemingly "blind faith" can be a little disturbing from an outside perspective. After all, not that long ago I was on the outside myself. So I understand how he would feel maybe slightly anxious about me believing. But the thing is, I never tried to talk to him about Christianity or convert him in the slightest because I knew how he felt. The problems started right from when I was only looking, searching for answers - I was exploring the Christian view and talking to a few of my Christian friends and he had a problem with it even then. I guess everything just went downhill from there. Ah well. Yeah I could understand more if I'd been preaching at him or something. But I never even remotely did.

 

tanned_production, it is indeed touchy. I suppose it's part of why people of the same religion often end up in relationships together because contrasts in faith = contrasts in worldviews = contrasts in methods of dealing with life = possible problems in relationships. Ah well.

 

I will probably wait a bit longer until everything has cooled off. Then maybe I'll send him a text or something. And if he doesn't reply... then I guess I'll take it as "I still don't want to talk to you" and I'll leave him alone until he's ready.

[DN]

Is he atheist or agnostic?

[Cynder]

I agree that religion is a touchy subject. I think what your friend did was ignorant and disrespectful. If he does come around and start talking to you again I wouldn't bring up the subject much. You can't really do much about his decision, but if he changes his mind consider his feeling about it too.