Ex boyfriend and I are close now: Here's what's going on

[EnchanteDream]

This is a rather long post, please bare with me please. Thank you.

 

I'm extremely close with my ex boyfriend now and he's close with me as well. He messages me over Facebook, he texts me, he asked me to stay over at his house for a few days. Before I even got there he asked me over Facebook, text messages and over the phone: "Are you here yet?" and he told me this plenty of times, "I miss you. I do." One night I texted him telling him I was in Wal-mart with my mom shopping. My mother and I were shopping for groceries for the new house. He sent me a text and it asked me, "Are you in ______?" Asking me if I was at the old town which I lived at before I moved, which I wasn't. That's where I met him before I moved. He seems disappointed anytime I say No I'm not in town and he told me constantly, "Please tell me if your ever in town ever please."

 

Finally I visited him like I promised him I would. Once I got there he gave me a very long hug. Before he left for work, he walked over to the side of the bed and said, "Well I'm going to work." He looked at me and I finally got up and gave him a hug goodbye and he french kissed me goodbye. Him and I are both having sex and I'm perfectly okay with it, deep down yes I still do love him and he knows of this. I won't ever speak of it out loud anymore though because I don't want to pressure him. We broke up because of me, I needed to work on myself because I was depressed and I felt as if it was unfair to him. We broke up back in 2012. As I was there I got mixed messages and I kept telling myself not to think too deeply into it. While I was there I'll say this I was going through PMS and he noticed how emotional and sensitive I was. It was horrible and worst time ever to be visiting someone. My PMS gets pretty bad to say the least.

 

On one day as we were making love as he was looking into my eyes he said, "I feel really close to you." Again I didn't want to think too deeply about it, something about it though spoke to me. I'm not going to lie. My ex got hurt by his last ex girlfriend, lets say she hurt him a lot more than what I did to him. She cheated on him and left him for that guy. He even said this to me, he opened up to me about her and I've been comforting him. He hasn't spoke about her in a very long time though. In fact I never hear him mention her anymore, he could still be hurting over her though. It's very possible. When I looked into his eyes though when he said that I saw something in his eyes.

 

My life this year honestly hasn't been the best and I'm trying to get by and do things to make myself happy. I don't rely on him for happiness and I tell him constantly, don't feel like you have to save me constantly. I'll be fine. I'll come to you if I seriously need you. If I cry, I get it out and write in my journal and do things to make myself happy. I suffer with bi-polar disorder and PTSD and I see a therapist and I've been taking care of myself. I do get sad and emotional at times, I always tell people. I'm sad right now, it'll pass. Finally one day him and I had sex and than afterwards he noticed I was bleeding after sex was done. He didn't freak out or make me feel bad, after I was done cleaning up myself he asked me. "Are you okay? No wonder you've been so emotional lately. You were right. You knew it was coming." He asks me if I'm okay a lot and he tells me that he deeply cares for me and how he'll always like me and have feelings for me. At this moment which sucks I don't have a car, I'm planning on getting one soon. Once my father arrived to at his house to drive to our home I broke down in tears, I didn't want to leave him. I moved away not to long ago and my ex boyfriend was pretty much the only person who hung out with me and who came to see me in the hospital when I got a kidney stone infection. Before I left I said a lot of things that wasn't true. Since I was going through my period though I was very emotional and said "Nobody cares about me. Everyone hates me! This is why nobody talks to me anyways because I'm always sad and having mood swings. Who would like me anyhow? Everyone hates me!" He came into the room minutes before me saying this and hugged me and told me, "That's not true. I care about you. I like you. Don't think that. Awe, please don't be sad. Please."

 

He looked out the window and saw my father was waiting in the driveway and he helped carry my bags to the car and put them in the trunk. Before he left he brushed my hair out of face, kissed me and again hugged me before I left. Than he told me to text him as I'm on the road. I was about to text him and than he beat me to it, "R u okay?" That was the first question he asked me. I don't want him pitying me or feeling sorry for me at all. Several people told me to not to have sex with him again and that he's using me. I seriously doubt he's using me after everything he's been through. He even openly admitted to me that he hasn't had sex in two years and he wanted it to be with me. We talked about it over messenger. In person there once when he saw how in love I was with him, he told me, "We don't have to do anything you know. I don't want you sad or hurt." I told openly that it doesn't matter I still want him anyways. I honestly don't feel comfortable having sex with anyone else because I went through emotional and verbal abuse for a few years. Not even if I had a date with someone, I'd feel really weird and I hate rushing into sex. I always end up getting emotionally attached. I'm perfectly fine. All I asked him was two things, "Are you using me? Am I just a toy to you? I've been hurt a lot and I seriously don't want to be the joke of the end of a punch line. I want to be more than just a "F- buddy." "I don't want to be joke." Again he told me, "I'm the last person to do that. I hardly even talk to anyone. I'm a loner. Why would I want to hurt you? I want you here, I asked you to be here, I invited you here because I missed you and I visited you in the hospital because I seriously thought something was wrong. I had no idea what was going on with you."

 

I'll add this in here: So many people has abandoned me due to my depression and me getting precancer of my cervix stage 3 and it depressed me and made my bi-polar mood swings worse. On top of that one of my friends ended his life and he's been here beside me through it all. If you want to move this topic go ahead. Also you can be honest as much as you want, I love honesty more than anything, I'm just going through an emotional time right now.

[Clinton]

For all his kind words has he said he wants a relationship with you? Because I know a lot of guys who are perfectly fine having sex with an ex, may even care about the ex, but have no desire to have the ex back in a relationship.

 

If you're OK just bumping uglies once in a while that's one thing. But if you think you'd like a relationship you really need to clarify where you stand.

 

Also, I hope you're using protection because there's no garuntee you're the only one he's sleeping with.

[Wiseman2]

It doesn't sound like you're broken up or that he's an ex.

"I'm the last person to do that. I hardly even talk to anyone. I'm a loner. Why would I want to hurt you? I want you here, I asked you to be here, I invited you here because I missed you

[EnchanteDream]

That's exactly how I feel to tell you the truth.