Five guys....HELP!!!

[Irishmanco]

Me and my girlfriend have been goin out for about two years. We broke up for a month around November because of problems and issues. We were engaged and she's in college and we had to postpone the date. Things got hard but we were making due. She broke up with me and I was destroyed. During that month she had sex with five guys. She would go to the bars and get drunk....sometimes alone and for the month she slept with five guys.

 

She also tole me that before we met she had a threesome. All of these guys were at random. Just at a bar or party. I was under the impression that I was the second of two people she's had sex with. Me and her other long term boyfriend. In total she's slept with nine guys. Five of which were in that one month.

 

I am destroyed. Again my heart is shattered. I don't know what to do and feel. I do love her and she says she loves me. She doesn't regret sleeping with any of those guys. She said she slept with those five guys partly to get back at me and have herself feel wanted. I am dying. This gets better cause the date for the wedding was for this saturday.

 

I need to hear from people. She said sex is no big deal, "not what it's cracked up to be." If she says that then why is she having sex with all these guys. Does the fact that we were on a break make this ok? Please help....I'm drowning....Please

[Caldus]

We broke up for a month around November because of problems and issues.

 

Mind if I ask what the issues were?

 

She broke up with me and I was destroyed. During that month she had sex with five guys. She would go to the bars and get drunk....sometimes alone and for the month she slept with five guys.

 

Wow, well you know what I think you should be glad you're not with her anymore. I don't think I could ever be with a girl who could just randomly sleep with five guys within a real short period of time.

 

She also tole me that before we met she had a threesome. All of these guys were at random. Just at a bar or party. I was under the impression that I was the second of two people she's had sex with. Me and her other long term boyfriend. In total she's slept with nine guys. Five of which were in that one month.

 

Let it go. You're not with her anymore. No use in thinking about it. She obviously has different intentions than being with you right now. There are much better women than her out there and you will find someone better.

 

I do love her and she says she loves me. She doesn't regret sleeping with any of those guys. She said she slept with those five guys partly to get back at me and have herself feel wanted. I am dying. This gets better cause the date for the wedding was for this saturday.

 

How horrible. Who in their right mind would say they love someone and then immediately sleep with five people? Look man, you know she was lying. And I know you're destroyed. But look what I wrote earlier. You deserve so much better. Thank God you never married her. You will thank yourself later on trust me.

 

I need to hear from people. She said sex is no big deal, "not what it's cracked up to be." If she says that then why is she having sex with all these guys. Does the fact that we were on a break make this ok? Please help....I'm drowning....Please

 

Everyone has their views on sex. Again, it's no use thinking about it. I do know that I wouldn't immediately go off and sleep with a bunch of girls after telling one girl I loved her. Anyone who says stuff like "I did it to get back at you" is definitely not the type of person you want to be involved with romantically.

 

All of this is my opinion. There might be some important details missing here though. Anyway, I hope the drowning ends for you soon. May you find someone worthy of your time.

[emma34]

I know how your probably feeling right now - but I think that in this case, it is better to move on from that issue - especially since you are getting married right away. She could have slept with those ppl for various reasons, but she was probably feeling very lonely, and needed the attention from other guys, which I'm sure you can understand. Also, obviously you wouldn't know any of this unless she had been compltely honest with you. The thing is, she was completely honest with you, and has never cheated on you, that is what is important. You say you love this girl, so I'm sure you can put this issues aside. Tell her how you are feeling, don't let the anger bottle up, but don't do anything durastic. being it so close to your wedding, i'm sure both of you are very sensitive right now. good luck.

[Day_Walker]

Well technically you were on a break when she had these sexual encounters its not cheating but that doesnt make it hurt any less. I think that you need to decide how you want to deal with this situation, obviously you are hurting but you need to have a clear head. The only suggestion I can make is that she needs to show you her feelings instead of saying that she loves. When she gives you an honest indication of how she feels then you can act accordingly.

[Irishmanco]

Caldus, we are still together. We got back together in December and she told me this yesterday. Emma, thank you for your response. I see what you mean. She did tell me this openly. We don't have a date for the wedding but this has been very hard. I think to myself there is a reason for us being together.

 

Is she a bad person or I guess it depends on people's views. I am angry and sad and depressed. Five guys....I think, how could she do this?

 

Please thank you for the replies so far.....I hope I can hear more.

[BillyJean714]

Hi Irishmanco,

 

First off, I feel your pain. Everything's going to be all right. The best thing to do about this situation, is to step back and take a rational view of what's going on. I know that it hurts. But, try to leave the emotions aside for now, and analyze what's most important: #1, Why this situation had to occur in the first place.

 

In my own opinion, if your lady truly was satifisfied in the relationship, and if she truly knows herself, then she would not have had the urge to go out, meet other guys, and sleep with them. First thing that caught my attention when reading your post is, it sounds like she's not ready for marriage. Reason being:

1. She doesn't quite know herself yet.

2. OR she does, but wants to enjoy the singles life, minus marriage, while she's still young & having fun.

3. She's not ready for marriage, yet. (If she was, and if she truly felt as though you're the one, then her actions would've been different. People just don't randomly sleep with 5 other guys, not unless if they feel as though something's either lacking in their relationship, or their own personal life).

 

Marriage is a huge decision. When two people realize that they want to marry each other, they realize that marriage is a precious sanctity. They take it seriously. But her actions tell me that she's not taking your relationship seriously. Even if you guys were broken off for a month, it shouldn't matter. And, of course, what she did also is NOT considered cheating. But, it shows how she's feeling about the relationship. Sounds like she's trying to find a quick fix somewhere out there. Yet, at the same time, she's not doing it constructively.

 

Who am I to say what's right or wrong. Main thing is, ask yourself how this whole situation makes you feel. Ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship. Ask yourself if this is a strong base for marriage. Then make a decision about the relationship. I know we get caught up in emotions, but when you decide to take a different outlook on things, from a different perspective, you won't be blinded by love. Instead, your mind is clear. Lastly, put yourself in her shoes. By doing so, you may also understand why she did what she did.

 

Take Care..

[bzborow1]

The real question is whether you can get past this. Personally if that happened to me it'd make me wonder what issues she's got to be sleeping with so many guys in such a short time frame. I wouldn't want to marry a girl capable of that...those aren't the ones you marry. But again...the question is...DO YOU?

[CarrieB123]

We got back together in December and she told me this yesterday

 

 

Why did she wait until yesterday, I think alot of times ppl "come out with lies/secrets" out of guilt rather than good intentions for the other person.

 

She said she did it to get back at you, why would she want to "get back at you" what did you do?

 

Whoever came up with that "friends" episode should be shot, "on a break" b/s so it's like "fair game cheating" then, not so far!!!

[kalshane]

This one is too easy. I'd drop her like a bad habit. If you got married to this girl, you'd only be setting yourself up for future heartache. Everytime you guys would get into a fight, she'd try and get back at you again, and you'd be wondering who she's sleeping with. The relationship has been tainted by her immaturity and promiscuity. You wouldn't be able to trust her alone(without you there) and drinking cause all you would think about is her cheating.

[Cecelius]

What Kalshane said.

 

Don't hate her, don't love, don't care. She's f-ed in the head if she ran out and had sex with that many guys. And, there's a word for people who are so desparate for human attention: pathetic. I can understand human frailty but when someone is that needy, it's gross and unattractive.

 

Moreover, she told you at what was to her hopefully too late for you to stop the wedding but she can still claim that she was open about it.

 

If nothing else, you absolutely need to put the brakes on the wedding.

[PAdreamer]

I gotta say... A woman who has so little respect for what goes into a relationship isn't worth your time and energy.

[Iceman26]

I am with Kalshane and Cecelius, and I would add that her behavior is completely self-destructive, she clearly doesnt respect herself or have a sense of self worth, and ultimately, the only person she was hurting her behavior with is herself.

 

If I were you I would move on to someone with more brains than a rutting pig. Good luck man, and I am sorry this happened.