Help me change his mind?

[INEED HELP]

Hi, I am going to sound crazy, without self-respect and maybe a bit of a masochist but I really like him.

 

I am hoping to make a guy----- who used to like me, then said all he wanted to do is to stay away from me, refused to see or answer my calls, NOW, he seems ok to be in not-too-regular contact with me----- to like me again!

 

Help? Please?

 

Thank you

[Capricorn3]

You cannot MAKE anyone like you. That's completely out of your control. It has to come from themselves - they either like you, or they don't. You can't make them like you. WHY would you even want to go after someone who .. "said all he wanted to do is to stay away from me, refused to see or answer my calls" ? Are you really that desperate?

[leseine7]

We all need much more information to give you any honest feedback, but from this post alone - you are attempting to control someone (you can't make someone feel anything for you, and trying to manipulate them into doing it is extremely unhealthy and will backfire), and you are ignoring the fact that he has made himself clear and even at some time said he wanted to STAY AWAY FROM YOU.

 

This never ends well. You need to accept he doesn't want you and move on.

[INEED HELP]

You cannot MAKE anyone like you. That's completely out of your control. It has to come from themselves - they either like you, or they don't. You can't make them like you. WHY would you even want to go after someone who .. "said all he wanted to do is to stay away from me, refused to see or answer my calls" ? Are you really that desperate?

 

Thank you for replying.

 

Desperate, yes, for this one person, that's why I can't stop going after him. I understand the feeling has to come from themselves, but can we not change people's minds about us, ever? There was something good in me for him to like me the first time and to now not be upset that I am still contacting him... right?

 

Help me travel in the direction I have to, in order to reach my desired destination, please? (I understand there's the highest chance I will never get there but I still have to try, help me?)

[INEED HELP]

We all need much more information to give you any honest feedback, but from this post alone - you are attempting to control someone (you can't make someone feel anything for you, and trying to manipulate them into doing it is extremely unhealthy and will backfire), and you are ignoring the fact that he has made himself clear and even at some time said he wanted to STAY AWAY FROM YOU.

 

This never ends well. You need to accept he doesn't want you and move on.

 

Thank you for your input.

 

I tried to start thread with something I posted under another category to explain my situation but it was taken off for violating reposting:

I met this young Libra guy in a club, He came to dance with me, I asked for his number, he messaged to ask me out. From the beginning, he ask me to be his girlfriend, I said I needed to get to know him before I can answer and then I tried to be just friends but he said he can't cuz he feels much more than that... he managed to make me feel more too. I "think" we dated for 8 weeks but when he broke up with me, he said we weren't even ever boyfriend/girlfriend, and that all he wanted to do now was to stay away from people like me and that he will never meet with me again. Upon my friends' insistence (calling and calling), he gave me 15 min here and 30 min there with him on a few occasions, which I used to try to explain how sorry I was and I'll not make the same mistakes again and I begged, for half-a-chance, repeatedly. He said no every time and did nearly everything possible to push me hoping to make me go away and tell me it's not possible to change his mind about love or likes or relationship once it's made up. During this 4 weeks, he went from not replying to my messages but still answered sometimes when I called to not answering at all in the 4th week, I felt that was it, he was sticking to the staying away and never see me again. On the day I was to go on my one-month holiday to a very far away country, I sent him a long message, it began with "Goodbye" and ended with "I love you (just as a human being)..." so, he'd feel not as pressured by how he can't and doesn't want to reciprocate my feelings for him... My friend cried her eyes out over the message when she proofread it for me... and he called! He started to say in an unlikely tone that maybe if we do manage to stay in touch we could be acquaintances or friends. Due to his astrological sign I felt he may be a people pleaser and just didn't want to leave grudges between him and anyone he meets or that he called to reaffirm the "goodbye" part of my message...??

 

During my holiday, as I know he wouldn't contact me, I wrote one message to him saying how much I wanted to see him, how much he is being missed half-a-world away. I wrote again when I got back to UK and he replied saying that I can call, he will answer. I didn't on the same day but sent him some good morning messages the next day and he wrote if I want, I can go see him at his new place of work that evening, he asked me to come early as he doesn't think he can make time for me after work. I went, he greeted me with light cheek to cheek touch and then was playing with a girl child(daughter of the boss) the whole time, completely ignoring me... or just working too.

 

We went back to where he was staying, three guys living in the same room, his room-mates were both there. They all wanted to move to a better place together so I joked about where they are staying stank and looked dirty so thinking of moving is a really good decision. Then I went outside to take a phone call, it was 11:15pm when I managed to hang up. I said as I re-entered the room that I was going home and he immediately said "yeah, of course you are going home, cuz this place we are staying is so bad that you don't even want to breath... He looked so... upset, I didn't understand why. I asked if he was upset, he said no, so I explained he should know me better than to think I'd look down on his living situation. I said I'm not like that, he didn't believe me but he said "fine, I believe you", "go now, we have to go to sleep also". Made me so sad suddenly, I stormed out after saying, don't believe me if you want to, do whatever.

 

He msgd in 5 min saying I upset him a lot.

We are still in loose contact.

 

I am luring him with free concert tickets to go out with me, I shouldn't I know. Anyone would say yes to free stuff even if with someone they don't like or care about...

 

HELP me.

[Capricorn3]

Help me travel in the direction I have to, in order to reach my desired destination, please?

There is not much anyone here can do to help you with getting him to like you. You can't change his mind. We can't either because none of us know him. IF HE wants to be with you, he would. It's up to HIM. Not you.

[INEED HELP]

I understand the logic but can we not work to help change people's minds about us? He once liked me (I know it is in the past), maybe I will try to not lose contact and he would be moved (or not, I understand).

 

Used to hear other people say, who and who didn't like me before but they continued and everything worked out... and sometime vice versa too. Means humans do grow new feelings with contact and time, or not?

[INEED HELP]

Thanks everyone.

I really just came on this site hoping to get some actionable advise to getting someone I like back. I know very well that I can put in all the work but his feeling and decision is his. Not cuz we don't all to some level, manipulate people around us a little, just that eventually those being manipulated have to feel enough care/like/love for their manipulator to continue to stay (this goes for all kinds of relationships).

[Capricorn3]

Thanks everyone.

I really just came on this site hoping to get some actionable advise to getting someone I like back. I know very well that I can put in all the work but his feeling and decision is his. Not cuz we don't all to some level, manipulate people around us a little, just that eventually those being manipulated have to feel enough care/like/love for their manipulator to continue to stay (this goes for all kinds of relationships).

 

You want to win him back by manipulation?? It will probably backfire on you (again). Relationships built by manipulation will never last (imo).

[notalady]

The more you chase someone, the less they value you. Simple as that. There's nothing you can do to make someone like you.

 

And honestly, if you have to MAKE someone like you, they don't and never will actually like you anyway.

 

No I don't believe we all manipulate people. Believe it or not, a lot of us just want to be ourselves and attract people who like us just the way we are, all on their own, not because we manipulated them.

[True Story]

You made another thread about the same topic... I can almost guarantee you you would have received the same responses. What is the point in asking for advice if your only willing to listen to what you want to hear? This is clearly hard for you to believe but the people who responded to you are trying to help you see reality, not engage in your fantasy.

**Listen to what they have told you**

[realistic1817]

Ineedhelp,

 

You are asking for help but you still haven't given a complete picture of what the actual problem is between you and this guy. Why did he break up with you? other than insulting his living arrangements what else have you done to try to make peace with him? As others have said you can't manipulate the situation for your own desired outcome. You can start working on you, and depending on what problems he has with you maybe work to resolve those. Can't really give advice when we don't know what really caused the breakup and why he said he wanted you to stay away from him.

 

You are leaving out key details. My suggestion based on what you did share is to give the guy space, you know what the issues are he has with you work on those and once he see you have made positive changes to rectify the issues and you are in a better place, combined with giving him his space he may be open to being friends in future. I know you don't want friendship but it may be the only thing you can get with this guy for now. Honest friendship sometimes leads to an even more fulfilling relationship. Whatever you decide if you come across to him in your interactions as you are on this forum then I promise you he is gone and he wont come back. You appear needy and desperate and guys run away from that it is a repellant. Chill out, keep calm, and fall off the radar for a bit. That's your first step to redeeming yourself.

 

Realistic

[INEED HELP]

Ineedhelp,

 

You are asking for help but you still haven't given a complete picture of what the actual problem is between you and this guy. Why did he break up with you? other than insulting his living arrangements what else have you done to try to make peace with him?

 

You appear needy and desperate and guys run away from that it is a repellant. Chill out, keep calm, and fall off the radar for a bit. That's your first step to redeeming yourself.

 

Realistic

 

I lied, the content of this lie hurt him so he wanted to break up but still keep it amicable. It was my confession of the fact that I lied made him want to stay away. But he doesn't stay away anymore. There was a period of one month where I didn't contact him at all but at the end of this period, I started again with fb messages and texts and he responded as if we were friends already, asking me to come see him, go to a movie, drinks and learn piano from me and come play at my place with our temp pet.

 

Realistic 1817, would you mind terribly if I ask you to read my other thread for a more complete picture of my situation?

 

 

Thanks