I'm ready to explore but I want to do it safely.

[curiousgeorgee]

first a little background. I'm a man anatomically and that's how I self-identify. I'm in my early 30's and I've never married. The last time I had sex or any sort of sexual contact with someone else was 5 years. Almost all of my sexual experience is straight sex with women of a vanilla nature. I have tried receptive anal sex twice with men. Both very casual encounters, one was great, one was literally my worst sexual experience ever. I have tried anal sex with women and some light BDSM with women as well as the dominant partner It wasn't a turn on for me except that it turned on my partner at the time.

 

I enjoy having sex with women, I have enjoyed having sex with a man. I have fantasies that are unspeakable, that I have never acted on. Not that they are violent or anything but society would consider them very much taboo, more so than anything so far discussed.

 

I live in a very rural, conservative area. I would like to start exploring my sexuality but I'm not sure where to start. I'm worried about both my physical and psychological well being. I don't have the greatest self esteem and the idea of being outed where I live scares the crap out of me for the moment. I understand that it's fine to like who ever and what ever you like as long as you aren't hurting someone, but people here don't. I also don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation trying to meet up with people to explore with. When I was in college I almost fell victim to a human trafficking scheme so I'm wary of ending up in that situation again. I'm aware there are risks to casual sex and I'm planning to use protection at all times.

 

I guess what I'm asking, especially of people who have been in my situation before is what are some decent ways to meet people to help me figure myself out and what are good tips to stay safe while doing it. I don't want to miss out on knowing these things about myself and I'm ready to get out there and really figure it out. Then I can figure out who I am and maybe I'll feel a little better about myself.

[DoF]

Seems like your have trouble seperating your thoughts/dreams and reality. I'm pretty sure everyone gets some distrubing thought into our heads.....the mistake you might be making is that you are willing to act on it?

 

Jesus, it would be REALLY scare if I was to act on my thoughts.....hehe

 

Anyways, best advice I can give you, DO NOT rely on OTHER people to find out WHO you are or WHAT YOU WANT.

 

You will be deeply disappointed. Not only that, you will be taken advantage of and deeply hurt (to say the least). There is a LONG line of people out there that will do things you can't even imagine to you so. SO be careful what you wish for.

 

Rely on YOURSELF and YOURSELF ONLY. Until you figure yourself out, you simply won't know what you are REALLY after. Right now you are after UNKNOWN. DO NOT proceed forward.

 

I will also tell you that 30s is the time where MOST people figure themselves out and mature. So give it some time, it's most likely around the corner.

[curiousgeorgee]

Seems like your have trouble seperating your thoughts/dreams and reality. I'm pretty sure everyone gets some distrubing thought into our heads.....the mistake you might be making is that you are willing to act on it?

 

Jesus, it would be REALLY scare if I was to act on my thoughts.....hehe

 

Well see that's kind of the issue, I mean, none of the stuff I sometimes fantasize about would be physically hard to do and it's not like it would be illegal, I just know that there is a line between what I'm ok with as something that resides in my head, and what I'm ok with in reality. i guess the key is to stay far away from that line until I find a partner I really really can trust.

[Wiseman2]

True, I would not explore your wildest dreams with a random stranger. Do you use grindr for hook ups? What about clubs out of town?

[curiousgeorgee]

True, I would not explore your wildest dreams with a random stranger. Do you use grindr for hook ups? What about clubs out of town?

 

Well I haven't used anything yet. As far as clubs out of town, the area I'm in is literally the middle of nowhere, it's a long ass drive to find that. I'm not a big club/bar type of person. While I do have interest in men it's kind of hard to describe but I spent such a long time in my youth trying to convince myself that I was just straight normal rural mr american, I have ingrained in my head rather strongly a certain way that I am used to interacting with other men, and I doubt I could feel the way about a man the way have felt about some women in the past. Both times I have a sex with men, it was a one time thing, very casual and anonymous, and I wasn't looking for an emotional connection with that person, I'm fine that never I got to deeply know them and I never saw them again. Keep in mind this has happened twice in my entire life so it's not like I am constantly out seeking this it was just a chance encounter, an opportunity that matched a desire and I acted on it. All of my sexual relationships with women have been somewhat serious monogamous relationships that were social in addition to sexual. They were 'proper girlfriends,' a descriptor I hate to use but can't think of a better one. While I was in these relationships i was happy and I enjoyed my sex life very much.

 

I know how to meet women, and I've never had success meeting any through online dating, I think i was just little too old for that craze to work for me. Would something like grindr work differently just due to the differences between how homosexual or bisexual men think about meeting people and sex?

[Wiseman2]

You would have to check it out, it may be a mix of people.

Would something like grindr work?

[curiousgeorgee]

Well I'll check it out, and maybe I'll just have to suck it up and take a long weekend to travel somewhere a little more friendly to my experiment. I can do a club for a night who knows, maybe I'm not a club person because I've been going to the wrong kind of clubs!