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How do I get more self-confidence?


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It's fair to say I'm really not a confident person.


I've recently finished my degree, and now I'm currently looking for work, which, as you can imagine, is like looking for a needle in the haystack. It could take months, even years, before I finally get something.


But the truth is, I've struggled in the workplace before because of my confidence issues and my shyness towards people, mostly due to my aspergers. Colleagues have taken a huge disliking to me because of this, and for the fact that I'm not as quick at finishing the work as them. I hated the last two jobs I worked at mainly because of this reason. Yes, there were a few I got along with really well, but most times I just felt like I was a nuisance and must be unlikeable. I don't know. Obviously I know we're not going to get along with everyone, but being treated that way in both jobs just made me feel like a waste of space. Being told I'm not working fast enough or my performance is poor really did take a blow on me. It's not that I'm lazy, I promise I'm not - I just struggle a little more than others. But I guess in this world that's not acceptable.


Sorry for my rambling. The point is, I need more confidence, but I have no idea how to do that. I can't help but feel I'm fat, ugly and worthless. Like, if I can't even work in fast food (my last job), then what hope do I have? Yes, I need to start working ASAP, but at the same time I'm afraid that I'm just going to be left discouraged and disliked by everyone over something I can't help.


Is there anything I can do?

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You have hope for a better job than fast food? I'm being serious.


Confidence is an over used and a completely vague term. Like what does it really mean? So rather than dealing with such a vague concept, consider what a successful person would do for themselves? So successful people are just as flawed as everyone else. The only difference is that they focus on what they can do well and really make that work for them. That might take some time and determination to figure out and it does mean that there will be some trial and error along the way. Successful people treat mistakes, errors, and royal mess ups as a learning experience rather than a bad thing. It's kind of like you can't learn to walk without crawling and falling down a lot. You just get up and get a little better at keeping your balance.


So, for you, you know that a fast paced job, team type work is not good. That's just fine. So seek something else where maybe accuracy is more important than pace. Where you can work more independently rather than as a team - so office jobs, clerical jobs, etc. They pay better too. Find your niche and find a work environment where you fit in. That goes for anyone. People are only successful when they find a job where they truly fit in. That doesn't mean that you won't have some people in the office you don't like or get along with, but what does matter is that your bosses like you and see value in your abilities - that's where success at work is.


Once you figure out what you are good at and really work at it and polish that ability so you become great at it - confidence will follow, because from that hard work you will gain faith in yourself and your ability to get things done on your terms.

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Most people probably don't understand what aspergers is. They may not even recognize it if they work with someone who has been diagnosed with it. Looks like DancingFool knows what she's talking about, so I will leave you with her advice.


I have to say this... You've done very well for yourself.


Never, ever, ever quit or give up. You keep right on going forward!


One last thing... Don't concern yourself with what other people think. They're not important - especially if it's not constructive. You just focus on what you're doing and keep on doing it.

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You don't have to be an extrovert or be super popular. You can work in fields that don't require as much interpersonal interaction, where you can focus without overwhelming distractions from people's stimuli. It's all about finding the right fit for your unique personality and situation.

my shyness towards people, mostly due to my aspergers
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I worked fast food for years - High School and College. You're right... It's not for everyone. It's not as simple as some people may think it is. I even managed a fast food store after the military (until I found my current job). Fast food wasn't for me anymore.


No offense taken.


I wish you the best.

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Ditto here - worked there in high school - however I didn't find it hard at all. Don't take that as a put down but rather an illustration - different people, different personalities, different challenges. I can't sit still in a 9-5 office job and deal with the same thing day in and day out. That is almost impossible to me. So we are all different and it just goes back to finding what works best for you and your abilities and personality. Don't seek to fit in where you don't, don't seek to be what you are not - focus on what you are and work with that rather than against that.

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You are young, lack of confidence is the NORM at that age (for most). Confidence needs to be BUILD and requires experience. Basically, anything you are not confident about, you need to do A LOT. in time, you will be confident at it, trust me. Problem is, most people refuse to do exactly what they don't want to do.


As for you not liking a job. It's called a job for that reason. You are not suppose to like your job!


You need to build a stronger invisible wall around you and not allow other people to penetrate it and make you feel . This is common human trait as well, EVERYONE deals with this. Learn to let things go the second you sense yourself get angry or upset. Recognize those emotions and learn to deal with them. Just like confidence (or anything really), this needs practice. HOWEVER


And remember, EVERYONE is in the midst of a struggle. Every living soul on this planet.


As for your Aspergers. It's as big of a deal or as little as YOU make it. Ignore it, don't make it a big deal and it won't be it.


I find that most people have some kind of a disorder BY DEFAULT. Some have it worse than the others. I know I have something, took me years to figure it out, I've learned to deal with it, let go and just live a happy/healthy life.


No biggie, gotta keep going


Good luck

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You don't have to be an extrovert or be super popular. You can work in fields that don't require as much interpersonal interaction, where you can focus without overwhelming distractions from people's stimuli. It's all about finding the right fit for your unique personality and situation.


Correct, besides MOST people are introverted anyways (based on what I've seen).

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