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I wasn't the problem, but I wasn't worth it.....


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I won't say I just got dumped because honestly we don't know where we stand. I guess I should start by saying that when I say we I mean he doesn't know, and so I don't know by association. Let me explain. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years to the day yesterday. Yesterday was also the day I asked him why he moved into a place by his self when just a month ago we had been looking for places to live together. The last few weeks he had been saying that when I got a job and found a place he would give the guy notice. So when I asked him yesterday, for the 10th time, if I got a job soon say a month from now, would we start looking for a place together. Then he blurted out "you should look for your own place". I was upset, but I figured we would talk about it. Unfortunately this was horrible timing because he said this the day after we graduated from college and he was helping me move off campus. I was upset but understood, but as we started talking about it everything fell apart. To give some context, last summer he had an internship in another city. It took a toll on our relationship because he would skip out on our virtual dates for to hangout and party with friends. He lied to me about certain things like smoking weed and how much drinking he was actually doing. Btw I don't care about him doing these things or having fun it's just I don't want him to take it too far and I don't like weed, but I'm not going to stop him. it only mattered that he neglected us to all of his new friends. He was alone and surrounded by people unbounded and not tied down. We aren't perfect and is not seeing thing in the situation eye to eye made him doubt us. But, we got through it. Fast forward to now, he graduated in December and has been working since, but the official ceremony wasn't until a few days ago. This semester has been very stressful on me and I admit I have been very hard to deal with and short patient. But he said he understood the pressure I was under. Abou three weeks ago he told me he was going out with his new friends from work. He was supposed to help me study to pass a class I was failing but I didn't argue and told him to have fun. Before midnight he calls me and says dinner and drinks has turned into bar hopping and clubbing, and why should he do, say out or come back to my place. I was still in school, living in a dorm, and I needed sleep to studied. If he stayed out, I would have to wait until 3 or 4 am to go downstairs and sign him in. Long story short he chose to stay out, took it too far, luckily I was able to get him a ride home, and he mostly had alcohol poisoning and could have died. I don't call an an ambulance because No being a drinker or partygoer I didn't know if I was over reacting. But I watched over him, made him drink water, when he was slightly unresponsive and grew cold I held him close to warm him up. Fast forward to yesterday, he said after that week he felt like he wasn't treating me right, that he wasn't a good boyfriend to me. He didn't know what was going on, why he was making all these impulsive decisions. He said he still loves me but he wasn't ready to commit and furthermore he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore for fear of hurting me more and making it worse. I was shocked and blindsided and me being who I am when from being sad to lashing out to being understanding. He was indecisive, not wanting to make any big decisions about us now. I was saying it was over because I was sad and mad but honestly scared. I have had a bit of a rough past. I'm strong. I am selfless and was there for not only him but my family too. I have lost so much. I thought, maybe I am meant to be happy, I have found that person that I know makes me. A little more background, we started dating in college, we were 19. I broke up with my highschool sweet heart for him, who still avoids and hates me till this day, but some how can talk to and be in the same room as my boyfriend or whatever we are. I also admit we are very close, best friends , and people felt at the beginning we were too absorbed with each other. We curbed it has the years went by. But I lost a lot of friends when we started going out, not because I was neglecting my friendships or because of my relationship. Mostly because the people that I was friends with, including my childhood best friend of 8 years, was ignoring me or talking about me behind my back, go thought I was lame because I don't drink or party. I so I focused on my family, my bf, and my education. My school was really heard and I was in a major that I do didn't like it see myself working in. I went from being considered extremely smart to extremely mediocre or dumb. It hurt myself confidences and gave me depression. Though he said none of this was me, it him and his immaturness and insecurity and his confusion alone. I just feel like I ruined everything by being stressed, by not having friends, and by not going out partying. I'm afraid if I leave then, that he won't ever choose to be with me in the end. My past has conditioned me to have no hope and no belief in people. Its kind of funny. I only wanted to ask about why he chose to move by his self to hear the things he had been telling me. I thought he would say because he wanted to be closer too work and he was only waiting for me to find a job. When he said that I was planning on replying get big bed so that we won't have to buy another one. Then we would laugh. I never expected this. Now I don't know what is or should be happening... I'm lost. I guess I'm posting this for any advice (even the hard advice) would be great. The few people I do consider friends and my family are a bias. Support would be nice too. I never thought this would be us. I love him, I know he is the one. Am I stupid?

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He sounds like a mess and a headache you don't need. Also he seems to want to do his own thing, not be in a relationship. Find a decent guy who's not into such heavy partying, that you can't decide whether to call emergency help or not.

"you should look for your own place". He lied to me about certain things like smoking weed and how much drinking. he mostly had alcohol poisoning and could have died. I don't call an an ambulance.
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If he was the one, you wouldn't be having these serious issues.


If he was as serious about you as you are about him, he probably would have already proposed by now. Cohabitation shouldn't even be a question by this point. He has no desire to take things any further with you, or he would do just that.

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