in love with my boyfriends best friend

[jealous2003]

 

 

I am so confused right now it hurts. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months, on and off. This time we've been together 3 months and it's going really well. I stay at his all the time and we love each other. I get on with his mates really well. The problem is that over the last few days I've got on a bit too well with his best friend.

 

I always knew I liked his best friend Martin, but I figured it was a crush. But the other night me, my boyfriend and Martin went out. When we got home we all stayed at my boyfriends. But my boyfriend was tired so he went to bed and left me and Martin downstairs. We stayed up chatting until about 4 in the morning and eventually the inevitable happened and we kissed. I stopped it, and said I couldn't let it happen, but in the end it was all I could think about.

 

We have talked about it and I made the descision to stay with my boyfriend and call it a mistake with Martin. The only trouble was that neither of us can get it off our minds. And last night Martin said he's in love with me. And I admit I'm falling for him too. But I still love my boyfriend so much. I haven't kissed Martin again or anything, and we've tried going out as mates but there's this electricity between us and it's so powerful. When I'm with him as a friend I just want to be with him so much. But when I'm with my boyfriend I want to be with him so much. I don't know what to do.

 

Here's the thing though: My boyfriend and me have had a really rough time. We've broken up 3 times before and this is the longest it has ever lasted and it's so good this time. But it has been bad in the past. We never argue, though I think this is because he doesn't care enough to argue. But he does love me. His mum died a year ago and this is why he finds feelings so hard. So sometimes he's really distant and I think I feel so much more for him than he does for me. But Martin is different. He had no problem saying he loves me, and although he's my boyfriends best friend and feels really bad about the whole situation he is convinced he could make me so much happier. He tells me that he's so sorry for causing this whole mess. And he's even willing to leave town to make my life simple. But he wants me to choose.

 

What the hell do I do when I love them both?

Please help.

[Pengui6668]

umm, this is gonna be a really bad situation no matter what you try and do... someone's gonna get the crap beaten out of hi i'll guarantee it... break up with your boyfriend if you "love" martin.. no need to be with your boyfriend... since you kissed marting apparently your boyfriend isn't enough, just drop it.. wait a alittle while and try things with amrting.. all you can do

[brandos lovechild]

i am very worried at how easily you all throw the word 'love' around ! I feel very sorry for your bf . Not only has his mum died fairly recently...the closest ppl he has to him are now deceiving him behind his back. i could cry for him

[SmintyMinty]

Ummm...ok. something very similar happened to me one time although I think your situation is a lot more tricky. It all looks to me like a no-win situation: every which way I look at it, everyone will come out of it hurt or feeling terrible guilt.

 

Just be sure that you aren't caught up in that whole prospect of a new relationship excitement thing. Will it last? Would things ever be good between you and Martin knowing that you've got together at the expense of your boyfriend's feelings? Wouldn't both of you feel huge remorse and guilt over it?!? How would that impact your relationship?

 

I feel bad for your boyfriend. He clearly trusts you both and you have both participated in abusing that trust. If Martin was a true "friend" to your boyfrined he would have shown more restraint. How can you trust someone like that? He obviously lets his feelings rule his head. He should not be telling you that he loves you - he should be showing more loyalty to his friend. I'm also suspicious about him telling you that he'll leave town for you is just plain emotional blackmail - calling your bluff if you like and forcing you to make a decision; I'm sure he's aware that you have such attachment to him now that the idea would be unthinkable for you. I'm sure he's not doing it out of consideration for as you think. He seems to have done nothing but behaved totally selfishly throughout in furthering his own happiness at the expense of his friend.

 

I can't see how you two can be happy if you get together. Fine if you have problems with your boyfriend then break up with him. you're confusing the two issues. You should deal with the first problem before even entertaining the idea of getting it on with his friend. Are you sure you aren't going to Martin for the stuff that is missing out of your present relationship with your boyfriend?

 

And other thing - what if this relationship with Martin didn't work out? He may blame you for the loss of his friend (which is inevitable - I can't think of a single guy who wouldn't want to break his neck who is in a similar situation) and you would end up being the biggest loser - you would lose the friendship of your boyfriend and Martin as well.

 

I think people will always feel chemistry and attraction to the very people they can't have. A lot of us just choose not to act on it out of consideration and empathy for others.

[gabby]

iam sure u love ur bf but i think u need to see how things are with martin i mean its better to see whast out there...and iam sure theres a reason u guys always break up so think about that....and think about who u can see urself with in the future and who makes u laugh and who most enjoy spending time with...and who u wanna *** more

[Heretic]

About a year ago I went down to spend some time with a good friend of mine. She was the best friend a guy could ask for we got along beautifully and there was always something there, a great chemistry.

 

That night I was sleeping at her house and she came into my room and starting crying. She said she loved me and wanted me to hold her. So I did and I comforted her. I told her I loved her to, and I did (I still do) I didn't understand the feeling completely though.

 

We didn't do anything we'd regret and I went home and told my gf of 3+ years what had happened. She was so upset she couldn't even look at me. Not angry just sad. After 5 months of being apart I figured out what was going on with the other girl (I hadn't been dating her, I was just trying to figure out WTF was going on) it was a bond that was very special but not meant for romance though it could feel like it at times.

 

That's what you need to figure out. Who do you feel more romantically attracted to? You can love them both at once, but only one of them is truly best for your needs you need to figure out which one. Good luck it can be tough.

 

P.S.

 

I suggest breaking up with you bf to figure things out.

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Hello jealous2003,

 

I agree with Heretic, you should definitely break up with your bf so you can figure things out. You think your hurt, your bf would be hurt even more. I can imagine this is not easy for you, and maybe your not really in love with his friend, but you gotta be considerate of your bf. Good luck 8) .

[jealous2003]

I am the one who posted the message 'in love with my boyfriends best friend'

 

Thanks to everyone that has posted replies, they have really helped. I am glad people are understanding how I feel. I thought those of you who have replied would like to know that I have decided to tell my b/f everything and hope he can accept this. I am sorry for the way I have been feeling but I have been told to follow my heart. I have just been caught up in the prospect of a new relationship, all the excitement, and I have decided I would be stupid to go on a whim. What I have with my boyfriend is special, and he has made a mistake in the past, I hope he can accept mine. If anyone would like to talk to me then please PM me, I would be happy to hear if you think I am making the right decision.

 

[venom]

jealous2003 - it has been about a month now and after reading about your situation, i would like to know how it all turned out.