Not wanting to be here anymore

[s0mewhitedude]

Now please do not read the head line literally

I AM NOT DEPRESSED OR SUICIDAL

 

I just dont want to live anymore. I am fed up with the same every single day. Get up go to work, come home watch boring TV, take the dogs out go to bed. 5 days per week. Weekends i am usually to tired to want to do anything exciting, and feel what ever i do has to be rushed, as it is back to work on Monday.

 

I sit here thinking, i would rather just not be here anymore.

As i said i am not depressed, or suicidal or anything like that.

 

I do a lot of thinking about all my failures on life. Broken family, then promised myself when i got married i would not be like my parents and cause my children to be from a broken home, but failed that.

I work 60 + hours a week as an engineer. I have to see people every day, but rarely speak to any of them.

I used to stop on the way home from work to see a friend, but even that has stopped now, as i just dont feel like i have anything worthy of talking about.

 

I think i am just bored with Life and Living.

 

Can anyone else equate to any of this, or am i alone with this.

[Wolfshook]

Yes, you should try putting something different into your life, go get that friend after work and take him to a bar, or do some small changes in your life. Read a book, set yourself a goal to do 10 pushups whenever you go in your livingroom, have a cold shower, play some music,etc. Small changes do a lot of things for you.

[Clio]

You sound burned-out. Working 60+hours per week sounds extreme. Is it absolutely necessary? Can't you reduce it? Regardless, I think that you might benefit from a hobby that involves pleasant interaction with people. Is there no cause that you would be interested in volunteering or some team-based activity that you could join e.g. hiking or learning a new skill? At the beginning it may feel uncomfortable but it will bring new people into your life and soon give you something interesting to look forward to and talk about.

[DancingFool]

Failures are just lessons for the future on how to do things better. You didn't learn to walk without falling on your face....a lot and often....you just got up and kept at it until you got the hang of balancing on two legs. It seems that the older we get, the more fearful we become of actually making mistakes and improving from them.

 

Anyway, it sounds like your life is in a rut. Only way out of the rut is to break up your routine. Make yourself do something different. Go out for happy hour with a friend once every few weeks. Go to meetup.com and see if any activities and groups interest you and just make yourself go. Also don't make excuses like the happy hour is at 6 but I usually work until 8. Make an exception. Manage your time. Change things around. Most important - put it on your calendar and really commit to doing it.

 

It's too easy to be like "oh I feel tired" but then it's a vicious circle - you life is a boring routine, which is depressing, which makes you feel dull and down and without energy and .... it's not easy to break the pattern once you are in it, but just do it. It will be painful at first, but as you keep at it, you'll regain energy and momentum and then life will be good again instead of dull.

[s0mewhitedude]

It's is now got to the point of eating. I can't be bothered eating anything for dinner as I am even bored or eating meals that I have eaten for years. I eat a very varied diet but am bored with everything. Have not eaten a proper meal for 4 days now as just don't know what to eat.. or what I fancy eating so just seem to be picking on things ...

 

I need to find a way out of this boredom

[billfever]

you are not alone. I find myself in a rut where I just don't want to deal with it anymore. A recent break up was the finishing touch. I don't know what to do but I understand what you feel.

[Mamaknowsbest]

Sometimes depressed people don't see themselves as depressed bc they don't want to be labeled as having a mental issue. But the lackluster you feel for life is a dip on the depressed side. Otherwise you'd get all kinds of spunky, smack your butt and get on to making some changes to bring about happiness. One can only do as best they can at living life with the tools that you were given. It's easy to fall into the pattern of our parents after all it's a familiar and comfy cycle. I watched a film once about luck. The premise of the film was is there such thing as lucky people. The film crew threw down $50 on the street and had a couple of people invited to the experiment walk down the side walk right past where the $50 was sitting and into the coffee shop where there was successful people sitting around drinking coffee. One lady just put her head down and walked past the money she didn't see it. She goes into the coffee shop gets her coffee doesn't talk to anyone and leaves. She would perhaps have labeled herself unlucky never catching a break. The next guy walks down the same side walk and because he is more aware and alert to his surroundings sees the $50 and picks it up and proceeds into the coffee shop. He gets his coffee and then proceeds to be social with the patrons sitting around in the shop and walks away with some potential job leads. He would maybe be someone you would call lucky. The question is was the first lady any luckier then the guy or was it just that he was more open to his surroundings and what it may have to offer?

 

Is your head buried in the sand where you have decided to stop living life and just start existing? You created that world some by choice and some by choices imposed upon you but the good news is that you can also choose to change it. You do sound like you are working a lot but is this by choice? Are you a workaholic or is it just the nature of where you work that your hrs are so long. Why not take a vacation? There are singles cruises, clubs, hobbies to have or start. Going to the doc and explaining your sadness maybe they can give you something for a short period just to help give you the motivation to help yourself. I've been in this situation and wished I had done it sooner bc I can see much more clearly now what I couldn't see before.

[tina-rocks]

I know you don't want to hear the words Depression! But! Did you know that most of us will experience a depressed state at some point in our lives, whether it is triggered by a loss of a loved one, or financial difficulties, or a breakup. There are many types of depression including Manic and Clinical!

 

Your exhausted working 60 hours a week, so tired, that your sleep walking your life and you no longer find anything interesting, not even wanting to eat and your bored of life, so much you want to die. Not by committing suicide, just no longer exist. These are signs of a depressed state and you need a time out. Have you at all considered talking to your doctor, as they might give some suggestions to help you. Could you perhaps take a short break from work, if you could at all afford too?

 

I do understand where you are coming from and really feel there needs to be some give, as what your feeling, is taking over your whole life and is having a detrimental affect on your health.